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***** 








HEOLL 



F*er a Spirit>Me®»age Therefrom 

(Alleged) 



BY 



John Armstrong Chaloner, A. B., A. M 
Member of the Bar. 



MEDIUM 



Author of "Scorpio" — "Pieces of Eight" — "Jupiter Tonans," etc. 



A. Study in Graphic^Automatiam 



PALMETTO PRESS 
Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina 






*°w 



Copyright, 1917, 

By 

JOHN ARMSTRONG CHALONER. 

Printed by 

E. R. LAFFERTY, 

Richmond, Va. 



/ 



OCT-45 1317 
©r.:. A 477 04 



INTRODUCTION. 

The impulse to spiritualism given by the Great War and 
the appalling- slaughter following in its train, induced the 
writer to follow the suggestion given in a review of "Heir' — 
found at the rear of this book — appearing in the San Fran- 
cisco, California, Chronicle. August 6th, 1912 — "Hell** having 
been written and sent to the reviewers in that year — whereas 
'"The Infernal Comedy." its sequel, has only just been com- 
pleted, as follows: 

-A NEW VISIOX OF FIELL. 

2sOT A BAD SORT OF PLACE AT ALL, ACCORDING TO MR. CHALONER. 

It might be more reassuring for those interested in know- 
ing what sort of a place is reserved for the wicked after 
death if John Armstrong Chaloner had been permitted to 
describe more than merely the Audience Chamber of his 
Satanic Majesty. The picture which he gives us of this room. 
with its walls of rubies, diamonds and sapphires, is attractive 
enough, yet doubt is allowed to linger as to the furnishings 
and other appurtenances of the living-rooms of the transient 
and permanent guests. * * * It is disappointing not to be 
told more about this interesting place. The glimpse into the 
Audience Chamber, with Satan presiding and looking like 
Napoleon Bonaparte at the apex of his power, cries out for 
another and completer picture. But. perhaps Mr. Chaloner 
intends to give us this in time, even if he has to o- there for 
it." 

Upon this hint the writer spake, with the result that one 
hundred sonnets form Canto One of 'The Infernal Comedy." 

The interest of the Californian reviewer would be amply 
satisfied were he permitted to peruse said Canto One. But 
at present that satisfaction is denied him, for the reason 
that this work is brought out in Great Britain before being 



submitted to the reviewers in the United States, for the rea- 
son that no such interest — as yet — in the other world exists 
in the latter country, as. for the reason stated above, is to 
be found in Great Britain today. Before the Great War 
is over there will be ample reason for American interest in 
the life beyond the grave — the writer fixing 1919 as the 
earliest possible date for the termination of the titanic 
struggle. 

In conclusion. The writer is a member of the Church of 
England and a devout believer in all that Church's tenets. 
He does not. for one moment, doubt the Divine Wisdom dis- 
played by the Founder of Christianity in dropping an im- 
penetrable veil over the future life. When analysed, the two 
statements of Jesus Christ relative to Paradise are soul- 
sufheing. What could be stronger than: "Thou shalt be satis- 
fied." And when — as though to gild refined gold and paint 
the lily — He adds: "It hath not entered into the heart of 
man to conceive the things which God hath prepared for 
them that love Him" — the measure is indeed "heaped up. 
pressed down, and running over." 

At the same time, Mahomet — beyond the shadow of a 
doubt — added something to his schedule of salvation, which 
carried more weight with it — by way of overcoming the nat- 
ural dread and horror of death — than did the Founder of 
Christianity. 

This is said in the most reverent spirit. This is said in 
a spirit of the most humble approbation for the attitude as- 
sumed by Jesus Christ in that regard — an attitude commen- 
surate in hopelessness of penetration with the awful pall 
hung in the Old Testament before Jehovah — commensurate 
with ''The ways of God are past finding out." And the 
writer would snrmk from even allegedly, even hypothetically 
lifting even the remotest fringe of a veil specifically set in 
place by Jesus Christ. But since the alleged revelations — 
in "Hell" and "The Infernal Comedy" — of the delights — as 
well as the terrific and soul-chilling tortures of the "Place 
of departed Spirits" — of Hell, in a word — rouse an interest — 
to put it somewhat mildly — in the heart of a man who under- 
stands the meaning of the word love, as well as the meat*- 
ing of the word war — and therefore do something commen- 



surate — to say the least — with what the Koran did in the 
hearts of the millions of its devoted followers — the writer 
launches "Hell" and "The Infernal Comedy" for what it is 
worth — upon the troublous sea of literature. 

JOHN ARMSTEONG CHALONER, 
"The Merry Mills," 

Cobham, 
Albemarle County. 
May 28, 1917. Virginia. 



DEDICATION. 

The names of: Dante Alighieri, author of "The Divine 
Comedy,*' containing the "Inferno" (1265-1321) ; John Mil- 
ton, author of "Paradise Lost*' (1608-1671) ; and John Bun- 
Tan, author of "Pilgrim's Progress'* (1628-1688) : are here 
printed, as the undersigned's illustrious predecessors in this 
dread domain. 

Johx Armstrong Chaloxer. 



FOREWORD 



JOHN ARMSTRONG CHALONER GIVES VIEWS TO 

THE PRESS. 



Talks With "Spirits" on Hades. 
(Washington Post, August 5, 1912.) 

"All dead game sports enjoy it in hell." — Message to 
John Armstrong Chaloner, dated Hell, Tuesday, 6:22 A. M. 
July 31, 1912. 

John Armstrong Chaloner, in the presence of a number 
of representatives of the press, who met him by invitation 
at Alexandria, Virginia, went into an interesting dis- 
cussion of his psychological researches, and read to his 
audience an interview which he said he had had at "Merry 
Mills" recently through his "subconsciousness" with an old 
friend, who, according to his chat with the spirit world, is 
now sojourning in Hades. Mr. Chaloner calls his subcon- 
sciousness his "X-Faculty," and stated while in communica- 
tion with the other side he lies on his back in the dark, with 
a pad and pencil convenient, and as soon as he is in com- 
munication with "the decedent" an unknown force — as is the 
case with "Planchette" — guides his hand. 

Before reading his interview with his departed friend 
Mr. Chaloner declared that he did not believe a "d — d word 
of it." He stated, however, that several years ago he became 
aware of the existence of this subconscious faculty, and be- 
lieved that some one had a message for him. At that time, 
he said, he was too busy with his legal matters and thought 
no more of it until recently, when he made several efforts to 
renew the contact, finally meeting with success. 



Very Much Like Xapoleox. 

| 

Mr. Chaloner gave a graphic description of his entry into 
the semihypnotic state, and said that he gasped for folly five 
minutes, meanwhile, he had been told, his features taking 
on a striking likeness of Xapoleon. Mr. Chaloner gave the 
name of his old friend, and stated that he was a noncom- 
missioned officer in the Confederate navy. He said they had 
been members of the same clubs in Xew York and a strong 
friendship had existed between them, though the other was 
many years older than himself, dying at the age of 80. 

Through his '•X-Faculty,*' and ''automatic writing," Mr. 
Chaloner received from his friend a most encouraging re- 
port of the hereafter, though to a spiritualist who was pres- 
ent he declared that he did not believe in spiritualism. "I 
am an Episcopalian," he said. "I believe in a future state, 
but I don't know anything about it." 

Mr. Chaloner arrived at his appointment promptly at 4 
o'clock and announced his name, though he was easily recog- 
nized. He wore a blue serge suit, white stock, with a pearl 
scarf pin, tan shoes, and a short tan overcoat. As soon as 
he had counted noses and asked what papers were represented, 
lie removed his overcoat, which he placed over his knees and 
feet, saying that his feet sometimes got cold, but that he never 
got "cold feet." 



b 



Author Has Visiox. 

"A fiery throne." Upon said throne sits Satan. His fea- 
tures are precisely those of Xapoleon Bonaparte at the apex 
of his power. In height he is considerably taller, but yet 
under 6 feet, and regarding weight there is no surplusage of 
flesh. He is dressed in the costume of Miehaelangelo r s statue, 
; 'The Thinker." 

The Hall of Audience (Hell) is an immense apartment, 
so huge as to be practically incomprehensible to mortal 
ideas of architecture. It is miles long, miles wide, and miles 
high. The hall is of rubies, and they are of the size of ordi- 
nary building bricks, and of the luster and fire of rubies 
known as "pigeon blood." In place of mortar, binding the 



bricks and making a white line, we have diamonds as large 
as your thumb nail, and of the purest water. To soften and 
enrich the fiery effect of such splendor, the diamond line is 
broken every few inches by several inches of sapphires, as 
blue as the Mediterranean. The floor is of marble, that lias 
the marvelous quality of being capable of taking on the tone 
of whatever stands upon it, or is reflected upon it, or flies 
over it. If a cherubim flies over the floor, the marble at 
once becomes tinged with blood. The roof is of cystal, so 
pure that the eye can pierce it as if it were plate glass." 1 — 
John Armstrong Chaloner 's description of hell, as recorded 
by his "subconscious mind," as announced yesterday. 



John Armstrong Chaloner Gives Interview and Describes 
Reception Room of His Satanic Majesty. 

(Washington Herald, August 5, 1912.) 

John Armstrong Chaloner, former husband of Amelie 
Eives and brother of Sheriff Bob Chanler, who married Lina 
Cavalieri, disclosed yesterday a message that he says he has 
received from the other world. 

The message brings news of the physical characteristics 
of his Satanic majesty and a description of Hades that at least 
has the merit of being unique. The message received by 
Chaloner comes, he insists, from Thomas Jefferson Miller, a 
former Confederate officer, and member of the Manhattan 
Club of New York City. 

Chaloner summoned the newspaper correspondents across 
to the Virginia side of the Potomac. 

"Last month," said the former husband of Amelie Eives. 
the novelist, "I picked up a copy of an English illustrated 
paper and saw therein an account of a supposed spirit com- 
munication with W. T. Stead, who went down on the Ti- 
tanic. The statement, while essentially puerile, attracted my 
attention because the late Prof. William James had informed 
me at one time that I was a medium, although I do not be- 
lieve in spiritualism." 



10 
Message fkom Hell. 

Chaloner went on to say that lie had summoned his art 
of "graphic automatism," and had managed to get in touch 
with the spirit of Thomas Jefferson Miller, with whom he 
had been friendly when Miller was of this world. 

"This, 1 ' said Chaloner, was last Tuesday evening, "Miller, 
or whatever force it was, immediately replied through my 
hand and wrote a lengthy statement, answering my queries 
and giving much information in regard to his present abode, 
which he said was Hell, temporarily." 

Here the brother-in-law of Lina Cavalieri read a sixteen- 
page typewritten statement, giving in full the interview with 
the disembodied spirit. It took eight hours for him to tran- 
scribe the message, with short intervals for food and sleep. It 
was mighty exhausting business. 

According to the message that Chaloner gives to the 
world, Hell was a very bearable place and one which every- 
body must pass through. Miller admitted to his former 
friend that he had been bad enough on earth to merit more 
punishment than he had received, but considered that his 
relief was probably due to the fact that he had had "his 
share of Hell on earth, being a New Yorker with social stand- 
ing and no money." 

Satan Resembles Napoleon. 

The message handed out by Chaloner describes Satan as 
a man of medium height, whose face is that of Napoleon 
Bonaparte at the apex of his power, and whose habiliments 
were those of Michaelangelo's statue, "The Thinker." His 
Satanic Majesty was seated on a throne in the center of an 
immense audience chamber. 

"The Avails of this audience chamber," says the message 
recorded, "are of rubies. The rubies are the size of ordinary 
building bricks, and of the luster and fire of rubies known as 
pigeon blood. In place of mortar binding the bricks and 
making a white line, we here have diamonds as large as your 
thumb nail and of the purest water. To soften and enrich 
the fiery effect of such splendor, the diamond line is broken 



11 

every few inches by several inches of sapphires, as blue as 
the Mediterranean. The floor of the hall is of marble, that 
has the marvelous quality of being capable of taking on the 
color of whatever stands upon or flies over it. Thus, if a 
cherubim flies over the floor space, the marble at once becomes 
tinged with reel. If, on the other hand, a seraphim crosses 
the space, the marble at once becomes of a cerulean blue, like 
an Italian sky. The marble takes on these colors from the 
armor and vestments of the mighty angels, which are scarlet 
and blue, respectively." 

Bloodhounds Spoil Dream. 

At this point, the message was interrupted by the baying 
of Mr. Chaloner's bloodhounds outside, who, he thinks, sensed 
the subconscious communication. However, the roof, Chal- 
oner learned, is of crystal, so pure that the eye can pierce it. 

At the end of the message, Chaloner himself records the 
following notes: "Knocked off for breakfast. Bread and 
water." 

Mr. Chaloner anticipated his coming from near Cobham, 
Va., by writing a letter to the Washington correspondents and 
others, in which he told them of a conversation he had held 
with Miller, who had spoken to him in the early hours of 
the morning of July 31st last, from Hell, and of conversa- 
tions which they had had in the Manhattan Club. This, he 
said, had convinced him that he could communicate with 
the dead while in a "Napoleonic" death trance. 

Chaloner Beads Statement. 

This statement was read by Mr. Chaloner, and was a most 
remarkable affair. It embraced twelve and a fraction type- 
written pages. Mr. Chaloner stated that he wrote it in long 
hand while in a state of subconsciousness. He declared that 
"he did not believe a damn word of it," after he had com- 
pleted its reading. 

Arriving at the office of the Alexandria Gazette building 
at a few minutes after 4 o'clock, Mr. Chaloner took exactly 
two hours and twenty minutes to tell his story to the scribes. 



12 

The story of his alleged conversation with a deceased friend 
while in a state of subconsciousness was related after he had 
gotten through his other talk. 

Wears Plain Clothes. 

As soon as Mr. Chaloner reached the office in a carriage 
from the union railway station, he entered and announced 
himself. 

Mr. Chaloner talked with vim and at times he empha- 
sized his remarks upon his auditors by clapping his hands 
together. 

Mr. Chaloner, for a millionaire, was not clad very pomp- 
ously, wearing but plain clothing. He wore a blue serge coat 
and waistcoat, and dark trousers, and carried with him a 
light overcoat with velvet collar, and he also had rubbers in 
a small suit case, the latter containing books which he has 
written. The nature of some of these books was explained 
by him during the course of the interview. 

In addition to the newspaper men was Prof. Helmut P. 
Holler, President of the Washington Psychological Society, 
who had a conference with Mr. Chaloner. At the conclusion 
of his interview Mr. Chaloner left for Eichmond. 

Chaloxer's Descriptiox of Hell. 

"The walls are of rubies of the size of ordinary building 
bricks, and of the luster and fire of rubies known as pigeon 
blood. In place of mortar binding the bricks and making a 
white line, we have diamonds as large as your thumb-nail and 
of the purest water. To soften and enrich the fiery effect of 
such splendor the diamond line is broken every few inches by 
sapphires as blue as the Mediterranean. The floor of the 
hall is of marble that has the marvelous quality of being ca- 
pable of taking on color of whatever stands upon or flies 
over it. Thus, if a cherubim flies over the floor space, the 
marble at once becomes tinged with red. If, on the other 
hand, a seraphim crosses the space, the marble at once be- 
comes of a cerulean blue, like an Italian sky. The marble 
takes on the colors from the armor and vestments of the 
mighty angels, which are scarlet and blue, respectively.'* 



13 



JOHN ARMSTRONG CHALONER MEETS NEWS- 
PAPER MEN. 



(Richmond Times-Dispatch, August 5, 1912.) 

Alexandria, Ya., August 4. — Coming here to-day for the 
special purpose of making a statement to newspaper men, a 
number of whom came from Washington and elsewhere, to 
meet him, John Armstrong Chaloner, of Merry Mills, who 
had anticipated his coming by writing a letter to the Wash- 
ington correspondents and others, told them of a conversa- 
tion he had held with a deceased New York friend, who {had 
spoken to him in the early hours of the morning of July 31 
last from hell and who had recalled certain conversations 
they had had in the Manhattan Club. This, he said, had con- 
vinced him that he could communicate with the dead while 
in a "Napoleonic death trance." He graphically described 
his apparent death struggles while in his "sub- conscious 
trance," in which he assumed the lifelike features of Napo- 
leon Bonaparte, 

Hell Brought Down to Date. 

Alexandria, Va., August 4. — Hell isn't a half bad place, 
according to a friend of John Armstrong Chaloner. This 
friend, long a resident of the region which Dante once so 
graphically described, has now supplemented the observations! 
of the famous Florentine poet and brought Hell data strictly 
down to date in a spirit message to Mr. Chaloner, which the 
latter received by the subconsciousness, which is one of his 
claims to distinction. 

While Hell was Hell for a time, the friend of the author 
says he has "paid the piper" and is now free from torment. 
Mr. Chaloner prefaced his remarks with a statement that 
he "didn't believe a d — d word of it." Satan, according to 
the spirit message, resembles Napoleon in personal appear- 
ance and holds his court in an audience room "miles long, 
miles wide and miles high, built of rubies the size of ordinary 
building bricks." 



14 



COPY OF LETTER 

ADDRESSED TO A SCORE OR SO OF THE MEMBERS 

OF THE FEE-- OF WASHINGTON, D. C. 

^ \e I -.. "The Merry Mi 

Cobham. 
Virgin: . 
August 2, 1912. 
Deab Sbb : 

q the 25th of Last month I happened : pick up an 
"Illustrated London News" of June 15th last, and saw under 
the headline "Science Jottings." by An . - 

: eming reputed — to cite — "So-called spiritualistic com- 
munication:? purporting to emanate from the late Mr. W. T. 
Stes 1. who perished on the •Titanic.' The result, as usual 
h - eeu ". What has aen done is that certain 'mediums* 
professed to put themselves in communication with the de- 

: sed journalist. In their sup] sed trance-state I 
that they received mess ges 1 >m him. Anything more puer- 
ile than the supposed communications it has never been my 
lot to peruse. Mr. Stea 1 is reported to have told hi^ friends 
that he was quite free, bin not yet attuned to the easy and 
perfect sendings of messages. Later on it w 
would improve in th> It is tolerably certain the 

vast bulk of us have not so far L: - _ r rip of commoD- 

sense as to accept such rubbish as evidence of another world's 
exi-tence. Ha* there lent - 

which has laid before . - - - ^ruth 

ted ~ : ~ ft B. ■ •.'■'-' - 

j -hit all of m a Q, 9 to I 

- — ] - " f thaz afterstati 

. go pron inent a / faith 

You have ignorant person* i publishing 

forth their ability to communicate with the spirits of | 



15 

who have gone before, and making a travesty of certain of 
the most sacred of our emotions and beliefs. Well may a 
writer in scathing terms speak of these people to whom death 
has no sacredness, and who treat the great mysteries of the 
universe as if they were trivialities of the first order: 'But 
when we come to real instruction, reliable information, or 
profitable or valuable knowledge, Spiritualism is as barren as 
Sahara, as empty as a hollow gourd.' We are reminded of 
the Mrs. Pipers, and other mediums whose performances, 
wonderful certainly, are still enveloped in a kind of mental 
fog. At the very best. I repeat, neither Mrs. Piper nor any 
other medium has ever shed any light on any of the great 
problems of the after-state, such as humanity has day by day 
to face." (Signed) Andrew Wilson. 

As far back as October 10th, 1901, Professor William 
James, of Harvard, (now deceased), pronounced me a med- 
ium, and went on to say. "but whereas most mediums prompt- 
ly adopt the theory current in spiritualistic circles, Mr. Chal- 
oner prepossessed against that hypothesis, appears to have set 
to work systematically, and, as would appear form his narra- 
tive" (by which "narrative" is meant a letter from me to- 
gether with certain specimens of graphic automatism — auto- 
matic writing — made by me in a trance-like state, and sub- 
mitted to him by mail for his opinion on said trance-writ- 
ings) "critically, to explore them and determine their sig- 
nificance for himself. In this attempt he seems to me to de- 
serve nothing but praise. Psychology would be more ad- 
vanced, were there more subjects of Automatism (medium- 
ship) ready to explore carefully their eccentric faculty." 

Since Professor James, who, by the way, besides being 
Professor of Psychology at Harvard, was also a member of 
the medical profession — having taken his M. D. degree at Har- 
vard in 1870 — practically discovered Mrs. Piper, the well- 
known medium aforesaid, of Boston, and also discovered your 
humble servant as a medium — vjho doesnH believe in Spirit- 
ualism, however, — as shown above, and since so well known 
a scientific writer as Andrew Wilson, who for years has han- 
dled the scientific column for so great a paper as the "Illus- 
trated London News" speaks favorably of said Mrs. Piper as 



16 

a medium, therefore it is not a far err to infer that I am 
"some punkins** of a medium myself — to put it somewhat 
jocularly. Such being the case it occurred to me — after read- 
ing said article in the "Illustrated London Xews** — th 
might not be a bad idea to follow up a lead I had got from 
my **X-Faeulty*" — my term for the Sub-consciousness — some 

rs ago. when experimenting in Experimental Psychology 
by means of Vocal Automatism. Said lead or tip was noth- 
ing less than an alleged "spirit-message." is Andrew W5 
calls it in said article, from a deceased friend of mine, who 
had died a few years previously. Said ~ irit-message** was 
ft rtting : a degree: and left strictly nothing to be desired 
regarding an alleged revelation of life beyond the grave. S 
deceased friend was about 80 years old at the time of his de- 
mise and a prominent member, at said time, of a prominent 
Xew York Club. He was my oldest and best friend. I had 
never suggested his communicating with me in the event of 
his death before mine for the excellent reason that I did not 
think such a thing possible. 

Imagine then my surprise upon receiving per Vocal Au- 
tomatism, while in a trance-like state — in which state I have 
for over fifteen years carried on it ; :_ us in Experi- 
mental Psychology — imagine my surprise upon getting a so- 
to-speak wireless message from E 7 jt that was where my 

friend said he was at said time. 

I shall not attempt to picture my surprise: lei if - 3ee 
: say that my scientific curiosity was piqued. 

Mr. ^filler, for that is his name, went on to say that he 
knew that I wouldn't believe him. but that, nevertheless, he 
was in Hell, and had had rather a warm time of it for some 
years past — to put it rather mildly — that the orthodox claims 
about Hell are strictly accurate and minutely correct — except 
that said claims fail to give a proper estimate of the heat 
and torture in vogue down there. He concluded by saving 
that his head was bandaged — at said time of communication — 
from the wounds he had received at his torture. That he 

:hankful to say he had "paid the piper** during the years 

. »ny he had spent in Hell, and was now free for all time 
from torment. 

At said time I was engrossed in legal work, and did not 



17 

Lave time to repeat said experiment in Experimental Psy- 
chology. I left it alone for years. Not till a few days ago 
when I read said article by Andrew Wilson did it again 
occur to me to resume the experiment. 

Andrew Wilson's article proves that there is a public in- 
ternational demand for such an experiment as I proposed 
with the alleged spirit of the deceased Mr. Miller. 

I. therefore, a few hours ago, attempted to reopen com- 
munication with Mr. Miller. This time, since Vocal Auto- 
matism is much more fatiguing to operate than Graphic Auto- 
matism — I decided to employ the latter ; and as a result, 
hare about sixteen pages of legal cap filled with automatic 
writing from the alleged spirit of my departed friend. 

I propose to let you. and the other Members of the Press 
of Washington, not all, by any means, but a selected group, 
see the first page of above automatic writing, and have as 
much of the typed contents of said sixteen-page alleged com- 
munication from Hell — about ten pages of typewriting — 
as you care to take down, as I read it off from my signed 
typed statement, at seven oVlock next Sunday, the 4th August, 
at Fleischmamrs Hotel, Alexandria. 
Very truly yours, 

' JOHX ARMSTRONG CHALOXER. 

P. S. — In putting "release by wire," at the top of this 
letter, I mean that you gentlemen may release the story upon 
seeing me at seven next Sunday evening. 



IS 



HELL 

CHAPTER I 



THE CALL OF HELL 

(Richmond Virginian, August 12, 1912.) 

CHALONER TAKES TRIP INTO HADES, TALKS 
TO FRIEND. 

While in MecUumistic Trance Receives Message From 
World Beyond. 



HE, HIMSELF, DOES NOT BELIEVE A WORD. 



Warned by Friend Against Scoffing, He Gives it Out for 
What it is Worth. 

With the sensational announcement that he had recently 
held converse with the spirit of a departed friend, now in 
Hell, and that he was prepared to give to the world some in- 
sight into the conditions existing in that unknown realm, 
John Armstrong Chaloner yesterday gave to the Virginian 
the prepared interview with which he startled the coterie of 
newspaper men whom he had invited to meet him yesterday 
afternoon at Alexandria in order that he might outline the 
nature of the campaign to which he proposes to devote his 
life and fortune. 

Mr. Chaloner very gravely sprang the unexpected sensa- 
tion. The alleged message from the spirit world was trans- 
mitted by automatism to him while in an involuntary med- 
iumistic trance a few nights ago. The spirit which estab- 
lished communication with him was that of Thomas Jefferson 
Miller, once a non-commissioned officer in the Confederate 



19 

navy, a member of the Manhattan Club, New York, and a 
personal and club friend of Mr. Chaloner. 

Mr. Chaloner explained that he was an "O. K. medium," 
so pronounced by the late Professor James and others, and 
at the same time he was an unbeliever in and a scoffer at 
spiritualism; in short, that his sub-consciousness, or X-Fac- 
ulty, as he terms it — held communication with spirits againsv 
his will. He said that the spirit of his old friend Miller 
had held converse with him five years ago, and he took iu- 
notes of the message because of his absolute lack of faith u> 
spiritualism. He has no more faith now than he had then, 
but he stated his belief that the "alleged spirit message," as 
he termed it, should be given to the world on its merits. 

Doesn't Beqlieve It. 

Mr. Chaloner vigorously impressed two points — first that 
"he didn't believe a d — d word of it," himself, second that 
he did not invent the communication consciously. He de- 
clared that the message from the spirit of Miller was trans- 
mitted to him as he lay in a sub-conscious state in his bed- 
room at "Merry Mills" the night of July 31st. With a pencil 
in his hand — as is the case with "PJanchette" — guided by un- 
known, unseen forces, his own hand wrote, without his con- 
scious direction, the communication on an ordinary yellow 
tablet as his decedent friend, Miller, dictated it. He lay 
in this trance, or sub-conscious state, for a period, with some 
intermissions, covering the night of July 31st and the greater 
part of the next day, the mysterious power guiding his hand, 
dictating through him to the world the decedent's message. 

"I want you to understand — and my veracity has never 
been called into question — that I did not invent this yarn 
consciously, nor do I believe a d — d word of it. I do believe 
that my sub-conscious self, my X-Faculty, did invent it in 
the guise of the spirit of Miller." 

Mr. Chaloner then read to the gasping correspondents the 
alleged spirit message from his late friend, Miller. The mes- 
sage in full, follows, the paragraphs in parenthesis repre- 
senting the remarks of Chaloner, and those not in parenthe- 
sis being the conversation of the spirit : 



- 

7::: Ml - 

Merry 1 [ills,' 5 22 P. M. 

bedrc hd . "- - 

I should like ; 
:f Thomas Jeffers n Millei if the same is | sible an 
I . 

X-7 mlty . 
You :ir^:: : r_::: this until da::. 

•ulty . 141M 

Y q are to begin the inquii y 

int the sb te f the lej rted. J- - ~__ 

V are : ask Tn Jeffei s n Millei : speak to you 
hi ugh i X-F lv. 

ay thanks . 
(Uncle Tom, I should like tc speak a if sai 

ssible and permitted. 

Hell 
1 ly dear bo^. 14 A 1 

know how happy I am "-'"_-':_ 

that the hour has it last struck in which I am emitted by 
his S i b ni i _ I: J r-:~ — 
Foi Jod's safe 

y well exclaim, I repeat, by his Sat 
to lift rnei >f the veil which separates the living from 

the dead. Before going further I shall briefly 
cur last eon^ f some years ago after supper in 

om here by means >f vocal autoi:: 
your vocal organs — th t is t — in : : speak t you. 

You i 

P-::: tly. 
But you were - . rosse 1 in Leg d w : 

- skepl - : — : being a spiritual:-: — 

the episode made no in:" to S] :k of on your over- 

bed mind. You will i T had just em 

That is to I inf< : 

was udaged as to i e. on account of the 

v torture. I then briefly 
3 



21 

ihat there is a hereafter ; that Jesus Christ was not lying when 
He spoke of hell fire ; and that the Roman Catholic church is 
correct in its statement that there is a Purgatory. I then 
went on to say that I have had a very mild torture compared 
to many other persons in my walk of life: largely because I 
happened to be a truthful and moderately honest man by na- 
ture, and also largely because I had my share of hell while 
•>n earth in being a New Yorker of social standing, but no 
money; no profession — in times of peace, at least — and being 
ever since you knew me in 1887 an old gray headed man. You 
will remember also that I hinted at a state of affairs below 
decks — as we said in the navy — that was marvellously inter- 
esting, unutterably lovely, but unspeakably terrible, awful 
and Hellish. 

(Perfectly.) 

I started to sketch my experience, but you grew tired at 
the strain on your scientific credulity, got sleepy, and bid me 
good night. 

(Yes.) 

Still Incredulous. 

Well, my dear boy, you are still quite as incredulous, but 
since I now employ automatic writing, for the first time, by 
the way, as the means of communicating, the strain on your 
nerves is so much less than under the trance-like state in 
which vocal automatism is possible that I have no fear of 
your growing sleepy to-night, especially as the night is young. 

(Pray have no fear, my dear Uncle Tom, if Uncle Tom 
you are, which I'm d — d if I believe, pray have no fear of 
my sleepiness to-night. For skeptical as I am, I am for 
years a student of experimental psychology, and as such am 
always interested in the performances with the pencil of what 
the late Professor William James termed — if I remember 
rightly — my "eccentric faculty." Therefore proceed, my dear 
Uncle Tom.) 

I like your fine airs, my dear Archie (Chaloner), but I'll 
ruffle that smooth spirit of yours slightly or my name's not 
Thomas Jefferson Miller, before I've done communicating 
with you to-night. 



__ 

(I doubt it. Uncle Tom. I doubt it It takes the Hell 
of a lot to ruffle my spirit after fifteen years of Hell on 
if : he hands of the New York courts, Si and 
National.) 

Admitted, my dear Arehie. but ruffle it I shall. So here 
goes. I shall preface my play with a curtain raiser to pro- 
tect you and myself from the ribald comments of a mo: 
iess vulgar and damnably wicked and dull world. 

(Pray proceed.) 

The first thought that would enter the head of the aver- 
age mortal on perusing these pages would be something like 
this: "What on earth is this I see. On what grounds does 
John Armstrong Chaloner claim — or allow rather his 
consciousness to claim — that he. above all men now living or 
that ever have lived, is the repository of a secret the whole 
world has been baffled at unearthing?** To which I now 
reply. (1) You are a medium on tLr - - of no less a per- 
sonage than the late Professor William James. (2) Pro- 
fessor James went on to say that you were opposed to a be- 
lief in spiritualism. (3) So much for your being physically 
attuned to catch the so-to-speak wireless message from the 
I ud. Now for other reasons You have injured no man 
r oman you ever knew or didn't know. Your reputation in 
your bailiwick of Albemarle county, . - well as Ha 
count N. .. and particularly the manufacturing i 
were instrumental in building, namely. Roanoke Rapids 
that county, is to befriend the friendless. 

Y u are becoming somewhat flattering, my dear I 
T ::/.. ud as such I doubt you even stronger than befon 

IMaettk to Science. 

Let _ : that. Archie, but give ear. my boy. _ 
Briefly I shall conclude why you are allowed what no human 
being of eithei as ever been allowed before. You are a 

martyr to science. : :ience of Psychology, and have 

been for fif: its s ; n:e March 13th last. 

"1. what of it ? There have been martyrs I 
the s : 1 not one of them has had such a palpable 

"frame-up" "put across'" : s your preposterou- 

tion that you are about to afford me a peep at Hell. ) 



23 

Admitted. But, you see, Archie, that said other scien- 
tists were not martyrs to a science which dealt with Psy- 
chology and all that misunderstood word implies. Psy- 
chology means the study of the soul as the Greeks who invent- 
ed the study taught — as Socrates, Pythagoras and Plato for 
instance. Hence your martyrdom will bear the peculiar fruit 
of knowledge that has been hidden from the world from the 
creation thereof, because you had the ineffable fortune to be 
first born a medium, second educated an Episcopalian, and 
third, trained as a scientist; after having been trained as a 
Bachelor and Master of Arts and member of the bar. 

(I hope, my dear Uncle Tom, that you will cut the above 
short by raising the curtain on Hell.) 

I shall. As I began, his Satanic Majesty has been gra- 
ciously pleased to permit me to communicate with jou to- 
night. I am permitted to exercise what you are pleased to 
term your X-Faculty or unknown faculty of the mind to 
practically an unlimited extent in a strictly limited sphere of 
information. By which I mean that the subject is so vast 
and the spheres of information so various that although I 
may and can touch on several spheres of information, I am 
limited to them and they — in comparison with the number 
of said spheres — constitute a limited sphere. I shall plunge 
in m&dicES res as Julius Caesar hath it. I shall conduct you 
to the Hall of Audience. By this I mean that I myself shall 
at once be there and from there report to you all I see and 
hear. 

Talk Up to Milton. 

(Now, my dear Uncle Tom, you are talking. Talk up 
to Milton's Satan throned in Hell — "High on a throne of 
royal state which far, outshone the wealth of Ormus and of 
Ind, or where the gorgeous East with lavish hand showers on 
her kings barbaric pearl and gold, Satan exalted sat, by merit 
raised to that bad eminence" — I quote from memory — falk up 
to that in prose, of course, and I shall arise and call you 
blessed — although you are in Hell — alleged.) 

Now, my dear boy, you must pardon my frankness but if 
this seance is to continue you must pointedly cease jeering at 
my claims, or I shall cease to communicate. 



24 

(A thousand pardons. I shall not utter another peep.) 

So far so good. What I am about to communicate is for 
your ear alone. You are not to allow anyone to see what 
follows so you must put it on another sheet of paper, leaving 
space here for me to begin again when I have less esoteric 
matter to divulge. 

(Very well.) 

(At this point Mr. Cha loner says the spirit of Miller 
gave him a confidential message which he cannot disclose.) 

I shall now continue my communication. You must 
know that I am now in the Hall of Audience of Hell. I am 
standing against the wall on the right side of the hall look- 
ing towards the fiery throne. Upon said throne sits Satan. 

Satan Looks Like Napoleon. 

What I am about to divulge will astound, possibly hor- 
rify you. His features are precisely those of Napoleon Bona- 
parte at the apex of his power. 

(You do astound me. Professor Sloan of Columbia Uni- 
versity — professor of history, I believe, says a word in the 
preface to his history of Napoleon Bonaparte, first edition, in 
book form — concerning his "His Satanic ending.") 

In height he is considerably taller, but yet under six feet, 
and regarding weight there is no surplusage of flesh. He is 
dressed precisely in the costume of Michaelangelo's statue 
entitled "The Thinker," placed over the tomb of one of the 
Medici in Florence, the one sometimes said to suggest Alex- 
ander the Great of Mace don. 

(I have seen it in Florence and admired same.) 

The Hall of Audience is an immense apartment. So huge 
as to be practically incomprehensible to mortal ideas of ar- 
chitecture. Let it suffice to say that it is miles long, miles 
wide, and miles high. 

(Would I be considered impertinent if I exclaimed, "Well 
played, Uncle Tom!'*") 

Not in the least, my dear Archie, not in the slightest de- 
gree, my boy. To resume. You must not think from this 
that the proportions are lost in distance, for you must know 
that when we shed the frail shell of the flesh, and put on the 



25 

filaments of immortality, the senses become as much more 
powerful, as much more penetrating, and as much more deli- 
cate and sensitive, as the incorruptible body is superior to the 
corruptible. Therefore it is as easy for the eye of an im- 
mortal to see fifty miles as it is for you — far from near- 
sighted as you are — to see five hundred feet. 

(Highly interesting). 

Having sketched the environment, it remains to describe 
the material of the building in which the Hall of Audience is 
situated. The material varies. That of the Hall of Audience 
is of rubies. 

(My brace of bloodhounds outside are strongly giving 
tongue. Might I ask if they, subconsciously, know what you 
are writing?) 

Archie, Do Not Jeer. 

Now. my dear Archie, you may permit me to remind you 
of your bargain, my boy, not to jeer at my communications. 

(I apologize.) 

The rubies are the size of ordinary building bricks, of 
the lustre and fire of rubies known as "pigeon blood." ^In 
place of mortar binding the bricks and making a white line, 
we here have diamonds as large as your thumb-nail and of 
the purest water. To soften and enrich the fiery effect of such 
splendor, the diamond line is broken every few inches by 
several inches of sapphires, as blue as the Mediterranean. The 
floor of the Hall of Audience is of marble that has the mar- 
velous quality of being capable of taking on the tone of 
whatever stands upon it, or is reflected upon it, or flies over it. 
Thus. If a Cherubim flies over a floor space in the Hall of 
Audience, the marble at once becomes tinged with blood: as 
much as though it were of snow, virgin snow, over which 
blood has been let. If, on the other hand, a Seraphim flies 
over a floor space in the hall of audience the marble at once 
becomes of a cerulean hue like an Italian sky. I do not 
mean, of course, by that that these mighty angels are red, 
or blue, in color; but that their armor and vestments are 
scarlet and blue, respectively. 

The roof is of crystal, so pure that the eye can pierce it 



- 

: pierces plate glass with you. To return to the Lord of 
lere below. Satan is _ ing audience to an embassy from 
the Kingdom of Sin: which Kingdom is contiguous to I 
and between which Kingdom and Hell there is pi 
perpetual war. 

- \e occasion of the present embassy is a rumo 
ot about that tr pproacMng its end ? by 

lean that the <ium is about to begin^ and Satan 

be bound^ as the old legend has it. 

Such a state of affairs would naturally be rather disas- 
trous to sin. and, supposing Satan about to be bom. lisas- 
trous in an equal degree to Satan. In view of said cc 
gency the Kingdom of Sin sends an embassy to propose an 
ffensive and defensive alliance against Jehovah: upon the 
pari r Satan and his Kingdom of Hell, and Sin and its 
Kii.-2'ly— :i Sin. 

I Laid off at 2 minutes to 7:00 A. M. for a nap.) 

Satax is M:-Tx:zi.-r; ::•. 

I should here state, in a nutshell, so to speak, and with- 

: _ r oing into the profound subject as I snail in the future 

with you. that Satan is about as thoroughly misunderstood a 

;: Ti .?■:".:.".::" is :: is ";:— i'.'ir : liime by tii-s en.::-i-:y:nen: i 

most vigorous imagination, to put it somewhat mi] 
Satan is no enemy of Jehovah as is sin — for whom Satan has 
stood as a prototype in the Scriptures, both Old and New 
Testaments, -ince the beginning of time. Satan is Jehovah's 
right-hand minis:-:. Satan is Jehovah's public prosecutor as 
the district attorney is with as in the X rth : the com- 
monwealth's attorney in the South. Personified Sin is every- 
thing vile, treacherous and bad that Satan or the I 
alleged to be in the Scriptures. But you mus: 
had the exist :: - >f Personified Sin be 

tores it would have complicated an already sufficiently com- 
plies ; of affairs among believers. Theref- S d has 
been employed in the dual role of Jehovah's attorney-*! 

t all supposedly fair-minded men and women, and 
sepa: i'old fr- ss; and the role of Personified 

sin. or Sin s I shall in future name that most dam: 



27 

being. Otherwise it would have been necessary to draw aside 
the veil, as I am about to do with you, and divulge things 
which the world was not sufficiently sophisticated to hear 
sooner than this epoch of widespread education, invention and 
business methods the world around. Briefly, Satan is the 
highest power in heaven after the Trinity. He reigns in Hell 
but appears in Heaven as he pleases: Satan is a Prince; as 
has been well said, the Prince of Darkness is a gentleman. 
He is far more, he is a hero and noble creature, who has been 
maligned — owing to the circumstances above described — as no 
other being has been maligned since the beginning of time. 
You must know that things are far better down here in Hell 
than is generally supposed. Jehovah is as loving and ten- 
der-hearted a Being as it is possible for an experienced, high- 
minded and enlightened mind to conceive. To put it mildly, 
Jehovah is as all embracing in His sympathy as the "good 
grey poet," our own Walt Whitman, to whom the prostitute 
and thief were sister and brother in adversity. That being 
the case, Jehovah, knowing full well the nature of men and 
women knew that if He allowed the magnificent facts, that 
I am about to divulge to you, to get abroad, that the ratio 
of wickedness to the square mile would be raised to the nth 
degree, or infinity, throughout the civilized w r orld. 

World Prepared. 

In a wordy nobody need try to get to heaven if he or she 
does not care for that sort of thing. There is a world 'pre- 
pared for men and women of the tvorld, for men of the world 
and for loomen of the world. Now this bright spot of subli- 
mated earthly bliss stripped of all spirituality, and ought 
but merely formal, more or less perfunctory, religion; but 
which is as orderly as the best regulated modern society any- 
where on earth, and as outwardly respectable — but no more 
so, by the way — this bright realm is under the rule of Satan. 
This realm is known as the Underworld. This realm is 
situated far from Hell, and far from the Kingdom of Sin. 
The Underworld is, and ever will remain, more or less 
modern. I do not care to go into that to-night more ex- 
plicitly, interesting as it is, on account of wishing to hurry 



28 

on with my tale of Joy and Woe. Yes. the cat is out of the 

bag. for woe there is. and it is of a nature to merit the de- 
scription, veiled as that is, of Hell by the ghost in Hamlet. 
For before a person is allowed to make his or her choice a.- to 
which goal they aim for. Heaven, or the Underworld, or Hell, 
or the Kingdom of Sin. or. last of all. annihilation. — if said 
party is mentally indifferent, and lazy, and cares not to work 
for either of the four said goals — before a candidate is al- 
lowed to elect which goal he or she will strive for. he. or. she, 
must, so to speak, "pay the piper." "Vengeance is mine. I 
will repay." etc.. meant precisely what it says, and to a jot 
and tittle, debts must be squared. 

Settle TTith the Captain. 

After new arrivals in Hell have stepped to the captain's 
office and settled, then their joy and feasting, and unutter- 
able delight, begins. It requires higher aims and far greater 
pains and suffering to aspire to and achieve Paradise — by 
which I mean any one of the various zones of Heaven — than 
to aspire to and achieve Hell, though said aspiration is far 
harder of achievement than the Underworld, or the Kingdom 
of Sin. Xo party lacking courage, and a certain semi-demi 
vein of poetry, or romance at least, can aspire to and achieve 
Hell. So that parties lacking said qualities, or one of them, 
must content themselves with a choice between the Under- 
world, the Kingdom of Sin. or annihilation — the Kingdom 
of Sin is the Botany Bay for utterly bad-at-heart parties. 
Parties whom the slight restrictions of -the underworld 
repel. Natural criminals and unnatural criminals. Before 
said promising gentry can enlist under the banner of 
Sin. they must pay the piper, as aforesaid, in Hell: and. 
more than that, must do some thinking and striving, even if 
the striving and thinking are towards wicked ends. Thought 
ential to prevent ani\ihilotion. Parties who prefer anni- 
hilation to having to think, will get annihilation. You'd be 
amazed at the hordes, that, annually — when they have done 
their time in Hell previously, of course — flock to the King- 
dom of Sin. 

The number choosing: annihilation is large, but far in- 



29 

ferior to that of the followers of Sin. Annihilation can only 
be achieved by being stripped of all one's mental and moral 
faculties: a process immeasurably more painful than having 
one's arms and legs cut oil' without chloroform, and the mar- 
row drawn from one's bones by an exhaust. Nothing re- 
mains but the essence of life, which is fire, which is thrown 
in the Lake of fire and brimstone : to burn painlessly through 
eternity — since fire can't hurt fire. So. you see. my dear 
Archie, there's trouble ahead for pretty nearly everybody. 
It will at once occur to you to think. "How about the power 
of the Church to save?" To which I reply that no church 
pretends, publicly., at least, to save a sinner except that sin- 
ner sincerely repents. There lies the rub. in that same word 
repentance. There is no more misunderstood word in any 
language. Unless the repentance is as deep as the crime, or 
sin, or selfishness, it is no repentance in the eye of the law 
down here: and said deficit must be made up by pains and 
penalties too unutterable to plunge into without more prep- 
aration than I have time for to-night. Before closing above 
brief explanatory note, as it were, which is obviously needed 
to put a mortal in touch with immortality, much as I dis- 
like touching on topics of religion, for you know, my dear 
Archie, that religion did not interest me very deeply in the 
Manhattan Club — 

CoVfPLTZUEXTS ''UxCLE TOM." 

(There wasn't a "whiter" man. a more honorable and 
warm-hearted man in the whole club or city, for that mat- 
ter, than your experienced-in-the-craft and subtlety-of-man- 
distinguished self, my dear Uncle Tom. if Uncle Tom you 
are. which you will pardon me if I continue to doubt.) 

Certainly put in that way. my dear boy. Don't think me 
any more of a stickler for etiquette than I was in the club, 
where you know that, other things being equal. an,d the 
amenities of civilization being preserved, I was easy as an 
old shoe. But. my dear boy. there are certain formalities — 
in the science which you have spent over fifteen years of 
servitude to unjust laws to investigate — which must be ob- 
served, or the harmonv. which is as essential for results 



30 

among the initiate in Hell as it is among the exalted dwellers 
in Paradise, will be wanting. Order is the first law of Hell. 
as ii of Heaven, and dot ~ ree&ed prevent- the said har- 
mony. Doubt felt, but not expressed, has no such evil re- 
sults. As I was about to observe, it was obviously necessary 
for me to touch upon religion, much as I dislike doing - 
I may as well say that I am now a sojourner in the Under- 
world. You will wonder why I am in Hell communicating 
with you. The reason is that all aspirants for the Under- 
world must pass throng'. Hell, which, being the greater 
of the two. contains Purgatory. In my sojourn of some yeai>. 
paying my moral obligations by a systematized scale of tor- 
ment, graded up int. the side of which an Indian 
at the stake is in a cool and shady spot. (Is that "cool and 
shady spot." siH I It is Archie. 
(If so. I ejaculate "Phew!" 

Knows the Ropes. 

1 on well may. my boy. you well may. To resume. In 
my sojourn here of a few years I got. naturally, to know the 
pes, as we say aboard ship. Hence I am fitted, as any one 
need be. to tip you or! to the secrets of Hell. Since I was 
: your most intimate friend — at least as intimate as any 
one — and being so much older than you. stood in the position 
of Father, or at least guide, philosopher and friend, from 
the time I first met you — though not the first time I saw 
you about the Club — at the time of the "Volunteer" and 
'•T/.:stle" international yacht race in the fall of l v ^7 to late 
December. 1896. I was selected as the party of all 
others, since I died not very long thereafter, to put 
you in touch with surely the most interesting propo- 
sition — that is, to a man of sense — on earth. I can assure you 
that the topic of religion will not soon obtrude itself in our 
communications, and shall now pick up the thread of my 
where I left it some ]: ges Nothing can induce 

i accede to the overtures of the Kingdom of Sin. In 
the first place. Satan will too charmed with the ad- 

vent of the millennium — being what he i-. a Prince of Para- 
dise as well as Lord of Hell. But Sii sees rains: 



31 

through sinful and therefore more or less blinded eyes; and 
therefore fails to catch on to the situation. Satan has never 
had anything friendlier than an armistice, or now and then 
a truce of some months — never a treaty of peace — with Sin 
or his vile, but beautiful — to the not too critical eye — and 
vastly powerful Kingdom. During the time it has taken to 
write this, pawr parleys have been interchanged and proposi- 
tions made, by both sides, and then remodelled. (Knocked 
off for breakfast, bread and water, about 2 :15 P. M. 7-31-1*2, 
and then went to bed. 4:05 P. M.) 



32 



CHAPTER II 



THE PASSAGE OF THE STYX 



"The Merry Mills," 8-21-12. 

3 :36 A. M. 
( Spirit- Message Continued ) . 
You must know, my dear boy. that death comes without 
the least transitional shock or feeling, whatever. By this I 
mean that upon making the passage of the Styx — as the an- 
cients had it — there is neither jar, nor shock nor sense of fall- 
ing and landing — though, of course, the soul does fall and 
does land; since Hell is within this terrestrial ball. I do not, 
of course, mean that there is no physical pang at the dissolu- 
tion of the human existence at death — sometimes the pang is 
dreadful, any physician can tell you that who has seen people 
die in agony, but I refer to the aftermath, so to speak — what 
follows after the heart ceases to beat, and life in your Avorld 
is entirely extinct. There is, upon my word, no more sense 
of movement upon the part of the immortal soul upon finish- 
ing its mysterious flight through air, earth, and sometimes 
water, and arriving at the Judgment Seat in the Hall of 
Judgment — or elsewhere — than there was sense of movement 
during said flight, and in neither the said flight nor the said 
arrestation of flight before the Judgment Seat — or else- 
where — is there any more sense of movement or of feeling 
than you experience when I communicate with you by means 
of automatic writing — I mean of course, mental motion, feel- 
ing in your mind — for. of course, your hand, wrist, forearm 
and fingers are in a continual whirling motion while I am 
operating the nerve centre in your brain that controls and 
operates the said members of your body corporate, so to speak. 
Am I, or am I not exact in that ( (You are perfectly exact. 
The only mental movement I experience is that of a specta- 
tor at a play wondering what the actors are going to say and 
do next. I being in complete ignorance of what the next 
word you are going to write will be). 



33 

Upon reaching "the undiscovered country from whose 
bourn no traveller returns" the first sensation I experienced 
was that of awaking after a sound and peaceful sleep. I felt 
refreshed, vigorous, calm and cheerful. Not a pain or an 
ache, and not a care on my mind, all of which — as you know 
hounded me like dims, as duns hound a debtor, for years 
and years. I could scarcely believe my senses — this unutter- 
able relief from years and years of pain and care. I men- 
tally prepared to look about me and wonder not ichere I was, 
but how I was — for all these delightfully new sensations 
coursed through my being before I had had time to open my 
eyes and see where I was. When I did open my eyes what did 
I behold ! Xapoleon Bonaparte, my dear boy, sitting upon a 
throne the like of which never before was seen. I shall fully 
describe said throne since its nature has a good deal to do 
with the mise en scene. It was in shape like a bed but such 
a bed. It was, in the first place, not less than half a dozen 
yards long (That's eighteen feet). It is. And not less than 
the same distance wide, and stood not less than six feet off the 
floor. There were steps leading up to the side of the bed, 
which stood on the floor, not on a dais, or platform, as thrones 
usually do. The foot of the bed faced me: the head of the 
bed being against the wall. 

There were steps only on one side of the throne, on the 
left side of the bed there were steps, the left side of the bed 
was the right side to the observer. On the right side of the 
bed was a barrier one yard high rising perpendicular to the 
plane of the bed. At the foot of the bed was a railing, over 
which was thrown a red robe. The railing was highest in 
the middle, and curved downwards therefrom to either post 
at the foot of the bed. Said railing was about a foot high in 
the centre and was filigree work. The bed was of pure 
gold, with a canopy some six feet above it projecting towards 
the foot of the same, some two feet. Said canopy was of 
scarlet cloth. The clothing of said bed was of white linen 
and creamy woolen blankets. You should know that the 
vulgar idea of the heat of Hell is utterly aside from the fact. 
There u heat here in certain, so to speak, localities, but the 
general temperature is the most perfect climate, of the nature 
of our temperate zone. To resume. From said canopy de- 



34 

pended curtains of azure silk shot with gold. Xapoleon was 
dressed in a garment rather unknown among men of your 
world, it being of the nature of a shirt, resembling the ancient 
Greek costume, sleeveless, and falling only a short distance 
below the hips. I am speaking now of experience gained 
later. Of course, the length of the garment did not appear 
when he was under the bed clothes. On his head was a cross 
between a helmet and a crown, by which I mean the exact 
replica of the same headpiece surmounting the brow of 
Michaelangelo ? s "The Thinker," over the tomb of the Medici in 
Florence. His flesh was of the most dazzling whiteness, but, 
withal, with a ros}^ hue, such as snow or marble take on at 
sunset. This was noticeable in his arms which were superbly 
muscular, but at the same time, far from muscle -bound, or 
brawny. His face was rosy of hue, upon a dazzling white 
fond, as the French say, or base, of marble whiteness, without 
its pallor. You must remember that I am painting, or rather 
attempting to, an immortal, not a mortal; so what sounds 
like exaggeration of beauty must be charged to the nature 
of the immortal frame those of us achieve who so elect to 
undergo the punishment, torment and torture which is the 
price, my dear boy, of immortality. 

(The following insertion of automatic writing — done on 
the night of August 18, 1912, — is inserted here by me to elu- 
cidate what follows. — J. A. C.) 

Now, nothing can be farther from my mind than for you 
to infer that said prophecy is meant to be believed, by a soli- 
tary inhabitant upon this terrestrial ball, male or female. 
Belief is not in the least desired. Far from it, dear boy, far 
from it. The time has come when God Almighty is about to 
wipe out His score against that damnable aggregation of foul 
qualities yclept man and woman. I know from the feeling 
in your hand, that holds the pencil that I am guiding; that 
you shrink, and shrank from including the fair sex — whom, 
you know, personally, I respect, and from a respectful dis- 
tance — I refer to you, for I am not so far from the enjoy- 
ment of the loveliest portion of Creation as in your ascetic 
se lf — i n Hell tho' I be. (Who wouldrft be ascetic on my diet 
— bread and water! St. Anthony was a monk you remember). 
Admitted, my dear and martyred friend. To resume. I 



35 

know that you shrank when I included women in the curse 
aforesaid. But you know that as a Southerner my admira- 
tion and respect for women was something approaching the 
romantic. (I do). You can then well believe that nothing 
but the direst necessity could force me to write such a dam- 
nably ungallant thing about women, as I just did. But, my 
dear student of humanity, you must know that you, half 
Southern as you are on both your Father and your Mother's 
side, and from Charleston, South Carolina, at that — that the 
heart- of woman is just about as black and foul — (Come, 
come! Uncle Tom, you make me sick). Now, my dear Ar- 
chie, permit me. You know that I thought fully as highly of 
women as do you, when I was on the earth. (I do, and that's 
what makes your language now, so surprising and distaste- 
ful — to put it rather mildly). You must in fairness then al- 
low me the benefit of the doubt regarding what I have learnt 
in my, so to speak, collegiate course in Hell. {Collegiate 
course, did you say?) I did. For you must know that upon 
arriving here we are at once put to work preparing for the 
torment and torture we must undergo to pay the piper. This 
entails eventually a collegiate course very much such as you 
took at Columbia University, by which I mean a series of 
lectures upon morality such as I shall not now take up time to 
describe, but shall at no distant period. Suffice it to say that 
every man and woman arriving here is sent eventually to a, 
so to speak, University, where Morality is as enthusiastically 
and scientifically taught as, sa}^, Mathematics or Physics at 
any modern University. During said, I may say, highly in- 
teresting and instructive lectures, spread out over a series of 
years, the moral diagram of the human heart is displayed at 
large upon the blackboard, and upon charts, and in illustrated 
works as scientifically as the human organ is mapped and 
physically limned, and described in that standard work Grey's 
Anatomy '(I know the work and have it in my Library at 
"The Merry Mills"'). It is a frightful revelation, my dear 
boy, a Hellish disillusionment, this view of the human heart 
of man and woman from the spiritual, or ideal, side. All this 
will be gone into specifically, line upon line, precept upon 
precept, before very long. (End of insertion). 



You may as well know first as last, that the vicarious sac- 
rifice of Jesus Christ by which alone we miserable, damnable 
race of mortals escape perpetual flame, does not. as so many 
fools think, land the elect, as they self -sufficiently dub them- 
selves, on the sunny side of Jordan by a very large majority. 
Far from it. Over and above said vicarious sacrifice each 
man and each woman must, and shall, and does, work out 
his or her salvation in Purgatory — which is but another name 
for Hell. Work it out he or she must in agony and bl 
sweat such as Christ experienced upon the accursed cross I 
do not at all mean that all men and women are crucified. 
tho* I may as well state that millions and millions of them, 
both women, as well as men. are crucified and for precisely 
the same length of time and in precisely the same manner 
as was Jesus Christ. To resume. His eyes were truly mar- 
vellous, being like jewels in their deep fire and pearly beauty. 
That last may seem strange as applied to eyes. But Xapo- 
leon Bonaparte's eyes are precisely the color — and with the 
marvellous orient — of gray pearls. There is a softness playing 
through the fire, and at times, and for cause, ferocity, of his 
glance, that more nearly resembles a beautiful woman's look 
when she is willing to let the person regarding her for the 
nonce see that she loves. Xapoleon's voice is as much more 
resonant and marvellous in its steel-like lambent flexibility 
and penetration than it was in life. His teeth are pearly 
white and regular, his lips a cool, not a hectic, red. I have 
now. at some length attemped to picture the being that 
met my astounded gaze upon opening my eyes after death. 
There was a mi-chievous smile lurking in the corners of his 
mouth as I opened my eyes and rested them on his glance. 
He recognized me at once — as I him. I shall not attempt 
to picture my surprise. I rushed forward and threw my 
arms about his neck and he held me to his breast while tear^ 
dropped from his eyes upon my neck. I shall draw a veil — 
for certain reasons — over our conversation. You know that 
I always admired Xapoleon and apparently — he was as 
well aware of that fact as was I. and appreciated it in the 
above astonishingly unimperial manner. (Yon amaze me. 
Uncle Tom. alleged) I dare say I do. but I don't advise you 
to press me on our conversation, etc.. mv dear Archie — I 



37 

warn you as a friend to "keep off the grass."* When I under- 
took this job I desired to intimate that I was not at libert} 7 
to describe every solitary secret under the lid of Hell — (My 
dear alleged — I beg pardon — in my interest I had quite for- 
got the reservations you made re alleged revelations. Pray 
proceed). Some half an hour was consumed in our marvel- 
ously friendly chat, whereupon he intimated that I might 
as well glance towards a tall cheval glass at the left of his 
bed. I had been standing upon the steps of the throne rest- 
ing against its side, holding Xapoleon Bonaparte's hands 
clasped in mine. The said cheval glass was almost directly 
opposite me — but so overwhelmingly absorbed had I been in 
the man beside me that I had not even seen that there was 
such a thing as a cheval glass in the apartment. Xo sooner 
did I turn and glance at the glass than I saw that I was 
nude. Once more, I shall have to ask you to imagine my 
surprise — not to say shame. Xapoleon Bonaparte instantly 
patted me on the shoulder and said in perfect English, with- 
out the slightest hint of an accent or loss for a word : "Xever 
you mind dear Uncle Tom, we're all like that when we first 
arrive in Hell — frankness is the key-note down here, and to 
impress it upon my subjects I have it arranged so that male 
and — ahem! — female make their passage of the Styx 
sans anything, bar luxuriant Lady Godiva hair for the 
ladies, which I have arranged every female shall find she 
possesses upon opening her amazed — not to say horrified — 
eyes upon my countenance. Pray do not consider your 
nudity as in the least embarassing : for we all have to go 
stark naked male and female, here below, until we lose the 
foul hypocrisy and lust begotten by clothing that is meant 
to indicate what it does not show: until we become like 
little children in that respect at least, if in no other. I do 
not want you to think that men and women mingle in so- 
ciety down here stark naked at all times. Far from it. At 
first, upon reaching my hospitable shores the sexes are strictly 
kept apart, as strictly as they are kept apart in jails, and 
in some places, Poor Houses. Not until the new-born sense 
of modesty, by which I mean purity free from all tinge of 
false modesty, not until the new-born sense of purity which 
distinguished the ancient Greeks, in their best and purest 
epoch, and has pretty much always distinguished savage 



38 

nations, not until this new-born sense has become nature, are 
males and females permitted to meet in Hell. So pray do not 
consider that you are not garbed in your good old dark grey 
sack suit, that saw so much service at the Manhattan Club — 
you are to my eyes. I shall at once instruct you as to what 
awaits you. My dear Uncle Tom, it pains me more than 
I can say, that pain and suffering, toil and torment, and 
even torture, awaits you here. Now, do not consider that 
you are in the old-time Hell of perpetual, indiscriminate 
combustion. Far from it. That old scare-crow serves well 
enough on earth, and is near enough the truth to deserve 
to serve its purpose on earth. But Hell is more an affair 
of intellect, will-power and aspiration, than merely combus- 
tion. By the employment of those three things, will-power, 
intellect, and aspiration, you can reduce your sufferings, toils 
and torments and tortures, not a hundred per cent. only. I 
shall not take up your time expatiating upon the almost in- 
finite variety of mental, moral, and, so to speak, physical 
combinations that can be worked in the game, each man and 
woman has to play with flame. The infinite combinations of 
the chess-board seem puerile and restricted by the side of 
the triune combinations of the so to speak, physical, mental 
and moral in Hell. The infinite combinations of the fenc- 
ing-school seem as limited and bare of imagination and 
scope of intelligence as the crude gestures of boys playing 
at mimic warfare with sticks for swords. Lastly, complica- 
tions of life, in the complicated, sophisticated and hypocrit- 
ical age you have just left seen as simple and unintelligent 
as the ruminations of a Central African savage, full of food 
and desiring sleep, when weighed with what I shall term the 
coruscations of the Hellish Triangle — aforesaid. 

I shall personally instruct you in the art of fencing 
with Hell-flame. You must know that Hell-flame is alive— 
is sentient. Hell-flame is, so to speak, a thinking — diamond 
rattlesnake — that beautiful and noble reptile that molests no 
one that does not cross its path, but strikes to kill all that 
do cross its path and do not give way before it. Hell-flame 
is a composition of my own, a composition invented shortly 
after arriving here from Paradise. I invented Hell -flame 
as Dr. Guillotin invented \ the guillotine— as a merciful means 



tlmproved. It being a Scottish invention of ancient date. 



39 

to a needed end. In Hell-flame I put, of course, naturally, 
under the circumstances, more than Dr. Guillotin could put 
into his guillotine. In Hell-flame I have, so to speak, a 
combination of Deputy-sheriff, crossed by a judge, and mixed 
with nitroglycerine. In a word, Hell-flame first arrests the 
culprit, second, tries and condemns him or her, and thirdly 
executes — figuratively of course, in respect to the immortal 
soul — the felon. I should add that Hell-flame differs from 
more than one human judge, in that, Hell-flame is absolutely 
just and impartial, and does not desire — in fact is chemi- 
cally incapable of tyranny, injustice, fraud or any of the 
dozen or so pastimes of so many human judges. It hates 
hyprocrisy and cold-heartedness as heat hates cold, and fights 
it as Vesuvius would fight ice thrown into its crater. To a 
man of your vast experience in legal matters — although a 
Layman, I know of your sitting on commissions-of-lunacy in 
New York as the layman among the legal three — lawyer, 
physician and layman — gathered from years of intimate ac- 
quaintance among the most learned judges in the Manhattan 
Club — men like that really great judge the late Judge 
Eapallo, Chief Judge of the New York Court of Appeals — 
added to your profound knowledge of human nature, 
gathered both in war and in peace — to a man of your in- 
telligence and honesty and experience it will not be long be- 
fore you conclude that in Hell-flame I had a good thing. 
I shall not continue this conversation, because, although 
there is no such thing as time in Hell, yet what goes for 
its substitute among new arrivals here calls you from me, 
and to begin your long training for meeting in battle array 
at the point of your rapier my faithful snakes — Hell-flame. 
Now, my dear Uncle Tom, you must not think me cruel in 
so soon broaching so unpleasant a topic as fencing with a 
fiery enchanted serpent that stings — not bites — you every 
time it lunges at you unless you can parry its thrust with 
your steel duelling sword. But you must know that I have 
begun your actual training by bringing before your mind the 
horrid prospect of fencing — so to speak for your life — with 
an enchanted and venomous human — so to speak — snake, 
though generally speaking my Hell-Snakes aforesaid are far 
superior to human beings morally as well as mentally and 
effectively. For you must know that in Hell everything is 



40 

judged primarily by intent. In law with you. intent of 
course governs, but the intent must be followed by action 
on earth in order to bring the party under the law. Whereas 
in Hell the intent in itself is enough to convict a man of 
crime. That is a startling proposition, is it not \ But such 
is the act. If a man think* adultery in Hell he commits 
adultery, and sharp and shrewd will the reckoning be. If 
a man thinks rape in Hell, he commits rape. If a man 
thinks murder, he commits murder. If theft, theft. Arson, 
arson: and so on down the list. And lastly, if a man thinks 
a lie — by which in this as in previous cases of course, is 
meant if he wishes in his heart that he had a chance to 
lie. and would lie if he had the chance — lastly, if a man 
thinks a lie he lies. Therefore in bringing before your mind 
the horrid picture of yourself fighting, for your life, with the 
natural and legendary enemy of man. the serpent. I. ipso 
facto, prepare to steel your courage, and arouse your charac- 
ter to the deadly campaign before you. which will require 
years of severe and torturing training before you can possibly 
be ready for the ordeal. As I said, what stands for time in 
Hell calls you away from me now. To cheer and comfort 
you I shall say that eventually you will triumph, before 
bidding you adieu for several years — this sounds brutal, but 
my dear Uncle Tom it is simply absolutely necessary to 
cultivate your courage, hardihood and self-reliance against 
the said awful day of reckoning. Being as dear to me as 
you are. you will at once wonder why I do not mitigate the 
torment or protect you from it by keeping you always by 
my side. My dear friend, this cannot be. In Hell, justice 
rules, hut it is justice untempered by mercy. This is sadly 
but ntr-tssarily so. The Law of the Universe compels me 
to arrange my Kingdom of Hell as severely according to the 
laws foreordained from the foundation of the world to 
govern my Kingdom of Hell, as the Laws of the Universe 
compel Jehovah. Almighty God and omnipotent tho" He be, 
to arrange His celestial Kingdom of Heaven according to 
the laws foreordained from the foundation of the world 
to govern His Kingdom of Heaven. I have large leeway in 
the arrangement and method of government of my Kingdom 
of Hell. So, of course, has Jehovah. But neither of m can 
change essential* y to salvation. This hard and cruel 

necessity stares God Almighty as bitterly and hopelessly 



41 

in the face as it does me. It will at once occur to you — the 
dictum of Jesus Christ that with God all things are possible. 
Without going into that too deeply now, I shall simply say 
that that is as relative a remark as though one were to say 
of a so-called "lightening calulator" in mathematics — "He's 
so powerful in mathematics that he can do what he pleases 
with the rules of Arithmetic. 7 ' Yes, he can do everything — 
but change them. The same holds good of God. He cannot 
change the Laws of the Universe. Such being the case, I 
can no more shield you from your dread ordeal than — were 
I a man with you on earth — I could shield you from death 
when your hour had come. Nor can I show you the slightest 
partiality. Dreadful are the laws of Hell; dreadful is the 
Law of the Universe under which, and under Jehovah and 
Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit — / rule. To a man of your 
sagacity I have said enough. I would that there were a 
talisman that I could give you; but there is none beyond 
that your keeper will furnish you with upon your leav- 
ing my presence. Farewell, Thomas Jefferson Miller; and 
may God Almighty strengthen you, as far as He is permitted 
to — for nought can I do for you — in your hour of need. 

With these ominous words, my dear Archie. I left the 
presence of Satan. 

(Provided it is strictly according to Hoyle, so to speak, 
I put up a plea for the writing-current to be less severe and 
strenuous, less vice-like from now on, if possible, and cor* 
rect). Certainly, my dear boy. The reason for the rigor 
of the pages preceding is that the matter therein is some- 
what unusual and I want you to have no doubt in your mind 
as to whether you wrote the preceding pages or not. (There's 
no possible doubt about that, Uncle Tom, alleged, none in 
the world. Ill take my dying oath to that. My hand is as 
cramped as though it had, so to speak, been in the stocks). 
So far, so good, my dear boy. Now, to proceed. (Before 
doing so might I ask the size of the bed-chamber of Satan,) 
You may. It was about the size of your bedroom a* "The 
Merry Mills,"* (Many thanks. Pray proceed. One mo- 
ment. May I ask if there was anyone present at your audi- 
ence with Satan?) You may. There was no one present. 
(Many thanks. Pray proceed). 



*About 24 feet square. 



42 

So soon as Satan had spoken the above recorded 
words, the door of the chamber opened, apparently of 
its own accord, inwards, and I felt myself as it were. 
gently pushed by an invisible force, in the direction 
of the now open door, and through the same. No sooner 
had I crossed the threshold than I saw a sight which chilled 
my very blood, so to speak. Within six feet of me curled 
up in a corner of the hall outside the door lay an enormous 
snake. It- Byes were as yellowish-green as the glow of a 
glowworm on a summer night in the South, or a fir- 
flash. It riveted its eyes upon mine, but did not raise its 
head from its coil or open its mouth. It was as thick as 
a thinnish boa-constrictor, and from the number of its coils 
must have been over thirty feet long. Had I not been im- 
pelled by the said mysterious current I should have stood 
stock still in my very natural — it strikes me — horror. Bat 
the friendly current carried me by the dreadful object. 
(May I ask its color? ) You may. It was snow white, 
the Lord's sake I Xo wonder it gave you the jumps! A 
white boa-eonstrictor thirty feet long is rather more than 
the limit. I saw a white snake once — as I remember — once 
in Don Cameron's canal at Eoanoke Eapids. But this was 
a snake not more than a foot long, and a water-snake at that. 
I'd walked to the head of his canal, miles from Roanoke 
Eapids one Sunday afternoon in 1895, alone, and was sit- 
ting on a stone at the junction of the Eoanoke river and 
canal when this little snake swam into the canal from the 
river and disappeared under the bank of the canal: I re- 
member how pretty and graceful it was in the water — tho' I 
hate snakes; — but a white snake thirty feet long ! ) You may 
well exclaim. I descended the stairs leading from the land- 
ing upon which the snake lay curled, having passed through 
a door on the landing that opened of its own accord. No one 
was visible in the front hall, and no more snakes. I felt 

ied along as described to the front door, which opened 
as had the others, of its own accord, and stood upon the 
front piazza. I shall limit my description of the palace to 
-aving that it was small rather than large — as palaces _ 
low rather than high in the same domain — and was built of 
solid gold. The pillars of the piazza were of alabaster, 
as were the - pillars at each corner of the h< - . 



43 

as well as a border that crowned the upper story. The door 
was of bloodstone — a solid slab of bloodstone without blemish 
or flaw — a wide door — and the bloodstone was peculiar in 
this particular, that the blood color in the stone predomi- 
nates as largely over the green as the green does over the 
red in your world. 

As I stood on the piazza a most entrancing vista met my 
gaze. At the base of a flight of steps of a strange blue 
stone resembling the sky in color, and unlike anything I had 
ever seen on earth, stretched a carriage way paved with peb- 
bles that had a prismatic effect, but whose splendor was soft- 
ened by a strange sort of haze that seemed to hang on and 
above it like a perpetual dew. This laid all possible dust. 
Beyond the driveway stretched a most entrancing lawn, 
spotted here and there with the filigree shadows of the most 
airy and gracefully foliaged trees, of an unknown variety. 
Birds with really sweet and musically satisfying notes, and 
brilliant plumage, darted in and out among the leaves, or 
soared in the ether. The most sweet perfume of flowers that 
shone like golden stars on the velvet sward assailed the 
nostrils, and awoke as subtle longings. Beyond rose a range 
of dark, sombre, frowning mountains, which stretched in 
an almost perfect amphitheatre across the — what I after- 
wards learned was — North. I mean by that that the moun- 
tain range bent like a hoop, with the ends of the hoop point- 
ing towards the palace. Dark forest stretched between the 
Imperial pleasure grounds and the mountains. The same 
held true of all other points of the compass. Dark velvet 
foliaged trees stood like serried ranks of spearmen in all 
directions. I became lost in delighted wonder at the beauty 
of the prospect, when suddenly I heard a sound that stopped 
my heart from beating for a moment. It was the most 
blood-curdling thing I had ever dreamed of. It sounded 
like a cross between the roar of a lion and the scream of a 
wounded horse. The next moment I saw a creature the like 
of which I had never seen, dart towards me from a clump 
of bushes on the edge of the lawn. The creature was about 
the size of a lion — a large, full-grown lion — but in place of 
having the hind quarters of a lion — though it had the head, 
forepaws and mane of the King of Beasts — those of this 
horror were those of a horse. '(Is that "horse," may I ask?) 



44 

It is. (It must have been a horror). It surely was. The 
gait with which it rushed towards me was an unwieldy gal- 
lop. Its eyes shot fire, and its mouth opened as it roared. 
I felt that I should petrify. To my unutterable relief the 
thing had not gone more than twenty paces before it was 
seized by a current such as had been gently pushing me, and 
tripj^ed up and hurled with a back somersault high in the 
air. and flat on its back, whereupon it set up a piteous moan- 
ing, as heart-rending to a humane-minded man as its former 
noises had been hair-raising. I could scarcely forbear a 
smile of relief. My relief was short-lived however. TThile 
I was sympathizing with the unwieldly thing, as it writhed 
in pain on its back and sides, a sound like the (I see the 
current has stopped: as I feel sleepy. I presume it means 
bedtime?) You are correct. (9:17 A. M. 8-21-12). J. A. C 
(About 1:15 A. M. S-22-12. S-20-12 (X). J. A. C. ) hissing of 
a thousand serpents struck upon my startled ear. I looked in 
the direction of the sound, and saw from a cluster of um- 
brageous undergrowth opposite the lair of the half -horse-half 
lion creature, and protecting as it were the left flank of His 
Satanic Majesty's palace — a something undulating towards 
me that made my hair stand on end — I actually felt my 
hair stiffen and bristle from the roots up. I hasten to add — - 
since these words may reach the ears of some of my quondam 
Club associates of the Manhattan Club, that whereas I was 
as bald as an egg on earth, upon regaining consciousness 
after death at the foot of the throne in the bed-chamber 
of His Satanic Majesty. I saw. when at the request of Satan. 
I glanced at my reflection in the cheval glass, that I had 
as thick a head of hair as your curly self. and. you will 
smile at this, as curly as your own. (Delighted to hear it. 
my dear Uncle, alleged — pray, what is its color, may I askM 
You may. Archie, its color is red. (Ha. ha ! Uncle Tom. 
you make me laugh). I am not surprised, since, ever since 
you knew me. what fringe of hair I had below the hat-line, 
together with my patriarchal beard, were as gray as a grizzly 
bear. I may as well complete the catalogue of the marvel- 
lous and highly desirable changes, that -aid glance in the 
cheval glass showed death had conferred upon my face and 
fiirure. You. of course, remember that I was short and roly- 
poly, so to speak. Xot more than say. five foot five inches 



45 

high, and with irregular, and highly Socratic, features. (Ex- 
actly what you were. Uncle Tom — but please to remember 
that I imported the bust of Socrates as cast in plaster from 
the Greek original in the Louvre Museum in Paris eighteen 
years ago, along with other Greek statuary, for "The Merry 
Mills" and that I literally love Socrates r brave, honest, ugly 
face, and Olympian brow). I know you do, my dear boy, 
and that's one of the reasons you loved me — but not of that 
here — I must press on. Well, my dear Archie, in the first 
place I have gained some six inches in height. I'm five foot 
eleven in my bare feet. In the second place I am — who would 
not say it under any other circumstances — a strikingly hand- 
some man, without a ray, a solitary ray — of resemblance to 
my former comically ugly face. (You amaze me.) I well 
may. Whom do you suppose I look like ? ( God alone knows, 
Uncle alleged! I can't imagine). Prepare yourself, Archie, 
for a tremendous surprise. I am an idealized likeness of 
Marshal Xey! (I am dumb. I said something, but re- 
frained from putting it down). It seems that I am Marshal 
Ney himself — not that I was in life — in life I was partly 
Marshal Xey — about one-quarter of his personality was sub- 
merged in me; a man can be alive and yet not be all of his 
own personality. That may perhaps appear a paradox. (It 
does, rather) I inferred as much, Archie. I shall explain 
all this to you scientifically, in time, when I reach the un- 
veiling of some of the Secrets of the Universe. Till then, 
let it suffice to say that Brown, Jones and Eobinson may be 
three men ; all alive at the same time : and yet Brown may 
be more Jones and more Eobinson, than Brown. Thus, Say 
for example that a personality consists of twelve-twelfths. 
The unit Brown may consist of five-twelfths Jones, and five- 
twelfths Eobinson and only two-twelfths Brown; and the 
same — in another equation — might be the case with Eobinson 
and Jones. The secret of this is this. Prepare for another 
and most momentous surprise. I am well aware, my dear 
boy, that you do not believe a word I say, believing that you 
are bamboozled by what you are pleased to call your X- 
Faculty. or subconciousness, which you honestly, and before 
God. Who sees all hearts, believe is masquerading in the 
guise of your old, and tried, trusted, loved and true friend, 
Thomas Jefferson Miller. (I do, so help me God, Uncle 



46 

Tom alleged — I only wish I could get proof strong enough 
to scientifically prove your claim; but I am fully aware of 
the utter impossibility of such proof being vouchsafed; and 
therefore, as a philosopher, and follower, in all but religion, 
of the great Yoltaire, I smilingly listen to all you say, ana 
with great interest, I assure you, for I well know that the 
world has never seen such an exhibition of unconscious cere- 
bration as my X-Faculty is turning out on Hell, since the 
beginning of recorded time.) To resume. Here follows the 
surprise. The great Pythogoras was right in his doctrine 
of metempsychosis, or the transmigration of souls from man 
to man; woman to woman, and animals to men; vice versa, 
etc., etc. (You do surprise me) I thought I would. Thus a 
man called Brown may not be Brown at all, but only a 
negligible fraction of him: the real Brown being split up 
into other fractions, and parcelled out into as many as a 
dozen men. Eventually, all Brown will be gathered together 
into the soul of Brown — but it may take a thousand years. 
(There you surprise me again, Uncle alleged). I fancied I 
might, Archie. When St. Paul spoke about the dead being 
raised, he was correct; but not until their final reincarnation 
has been accomplished — which may require a series of in- 
carnations running through as many as ten centuries. I am 
Marshal Ne}^ in his full perfection and completion of soul, 
which includes intellect, heart and physique. (I now salute 
"the bravest of the brave"). And I in turn salute you. To 
proceed. 

Brave as Xey is generally admitted to be, my very hair 
stiffened and bristled from the roots up as I watched the 
"Something" undulating towards me, filling the air with a 
thousand separate and distinct hisses with each breath from 
its fiery jaws. (I smell a dragon, Uncle Tom). You have 
an excellent nose, Archie, the nose of a blood-hound, for 
typical old time St. George — and-the-dragon — dragon it w<u->. 
The first thing I sensed out of a score or more of conflicting 
horrors, was the most foetid — nnd strange as this sounds, 
it's true, but incomprehensible to flesh and blood — terrifying 
stench that had ever offended my nostrils. I say terrifying, 
advisedly, for as the scent of a wild beast will stampede a 
herd of horses, or make one horse run like mad away along 
a country road, so the scent of a dragon is freighted with 



47 

fear. As I say, a human being simply cannot understand or 
take in this, so we will not waste time over it. The scent was 
a mixture of ordure and bilge-water crossed with the odor 
of burning flesh. (Not attar of roses — I can comprehend 
that). Fire gushed and spouted in gaseous smoky jets from 
its flaring cup — or other saucer-like — nostrils, which sucked 
in and puffed out like flabby lips, as the flame shot out, and 
the creature thereupon inhaled more air to work its bellows 
with. Said flames shot severel feet from each nostril and 
were each as broad as the flame of a gas jet in full flare. Its 
eyes were bottle green, b}^ which I mean a green flame glowed 
and rolled in each socket. In length the monster was about 
sixteen feet, and about as thick through as a crocodile. Its 
horrible tail swished from side to side, curling exactly like 
a cat's, only more so. Its dreadful claws spread out and tore 
up the earth in its path. I was stark naked, of course, andf 
felt the feeling of being defenseless, which that condition 
brings to all civilized beings unless armed. I was at my 
wits end. Suddenly the self-same blessed current seized and 
shot the thing flat on its back where it writhed and bellowed — 
instead of hissing — very like the bray of an ass; and what's 
more spun round at a furious rate, for all the world like a 
dish to which a rotary motion has been imparted, seemingly 
unable either to stop spinning or flop over onto its bell}'. 
Relieved as I now was by my escape from death by fire, and 
suffocation by stench, my mind was wholly concentrated upon 
the condition of the crestfallen chap-fallen dragon, when once 
more the current of my veins was turned awry. (About 3 :15 
A. M. 8-22-12, 8-21-12 (N.), J. A. C. About 11-15' (K) 
8-22 — '12 (N.) (The current won't work, may I ask why,) 
You may, it is because you are not alone on this floor, a party 
having come in. '(He is not in the room — the dining-room 
where I am munching my supper of bread and water). I am 
aware of that. (About ten minutes later. The party has 
now left the floor). At a second's space — hardly so much as 
that from the moment when my mind was absolutely and 
entirely free from anxiety, care or concern concerning the 
spinning dragon, I was aware of something occurring within 
my mind which you — as a mortal — are incapable of conceiv- 
ing. It was not dread because it was so much more deadly 
chill than dread, that dread does not deserve to be men- 



46 

tioned in the same week with it. It was not fear, because it 
was so much more numbing, relaxing, in the sense of weak- 
ening, say a strung bow-string — than fear. Lastly, it was 
not terror, because it was so much more stunning and para- 
lyzing than terror that terror dwindles into insignificance 
beside it. Before I had had time to more a finger, so swift 
was this overwhelming, engulfing sensation. I was aware of 
something which you are not permitted to allow anybody to 
know about. You are to take a separate sheet of paper for 
the recording of precisely what it was that I saw. (Very 
well. I shall do so). (The recording of the cause of your 
mysterious engulfing sensation required less than half a sheet 
of paper, and ten minutes" time. It being done. I presume 
you will proceed. ) Xo sooner did the cause of my said sensa- 
tion disappear into thin air than a yet more terrible sens-a- 
tion overwhelmed me. said description will also require eso- 
teric recordation. (Very well. I shall put it on the latter 
half of the same secret sheet of paper). (Nine lines were 
all that were required to record the second secret cause. I 
presume you will now proceed). So soon as said second cause 
of said sensation had disappeared as had said first, my mind 
became aware of a most divinely lovely sensation of peace 
and confidence and satisfaction. Xo cause was consciously 
behind said delectable delight. I simply stood at ease, and 
so to speak, drank in the sensation which — after what I had 
been through in the way of sights, sounds, and smells in t he- 
past few minutes — was about as near Paradise as I had ever 
expected to get. After about five minutes of said delightful 
experience, my ears were enchanted with the sound of female 
voices singing in unison. The sounds were so far sweeter 
than those possible to the human voice, that I -hall not at- 
tempt the impossible task of imparting it to you — devoted as 
I know you to be to music, both vocal and instrumental, of a 
high class. It was simply ravishing to the ear. heart, and 
soul, alike. I stood as tho* entranced. So entranced that the 
scantiness of my apparel did not so much as cross my en- 
raptured mind. It appeared to be a hymn that the females 
were chanting, and to my unutterable amazement, I soon 
learned that English was the language they were using. 
Their enunciation was so exquisitely distinct that I could dis- 
tinguish everv least word uttered and this without that 



49 

mouthing and explosive utterance of mortal singers in public. 
The words seemed to fall from their lips as softly and easily 
as drops from a flower sans any strain or effort or loudness 
of enunciation. It was more what I imagine was meant by 
Tennyson in his description of music in the land of Lotus- 
Eaters. The females sounded as though they were on the 
East side of the Palace and on the ground. The Palace 
faced North and South. I soon found that the object of their 
adoration was Apollo. The metre appeared to be that known 
as the iambic pentameter. I listened and learned that the 
singers either were — or took the role in the said hymn of — 
the Nine Muses, or female companions of the Greek God of 
Song. I shall not attempt to picture the mingled passion 
and purity, self-sacrifice and devotion hinted at by the words 
of the Hymn, and made convincing as proof of Holy Writ, 
as Shakespeare has it, by the passionate, penetratingly 
thrilling, almost convulsing charm of the voices. As I said, 
I stood entranced. Suddenly a shadow fell across the glit- 
tering driveway, proceeding from the East side of the Palace, 
proceeding slowly and with rhythmic dignity. To my mingled 
horror and joy I saw — one by one — nine maidens all in the 
flower and perfection of beauty of face and form and youth, 
file majestically by, and, unutterable shock, file my way! 
Had I not been rooted to the piazza floor by the said cur- 
rent — incapable of moving more than an eyelid — I would 
have braved rousing the half-lion-half-horse, plus the dragon 
himself — both of which creatures had been put out of their 
misery during mine, and were sleeping peacefully, but not 
silently, for, from the half-lion-half-horse, came a muffled 
purr, as loud as a cat the size of a lion would make when 
pleased ; while from the dragon came the chug-chug of a loco- 
motive on a siding. Both of the said animals were asleep I 
saw in the glance that I darted in my despairing effort to 
make a break for the underbrush, and play Ulysses to Nausi- 
caa and her maidens, by hiding. But budge I could not. 
My horror increased when I saw that the line of maidens 
was headed directly for me (Uncle Tom, I sympathize with 
you). TTell you may, my boy, well you may ! '(A stark naked, 
red-headed man, of presumably huskv build — presumably in 
the heavy-weight class in the "P. R.", and five feet eleven 
inches high, being approached by a bevy of Greek Goddesses 



50 

—takes all cakes, Uncle Tom). It does. To resume. The 
fear I now experienced was as penetrating as any of the hor- 
rid sensations that had previously coursed through my over- 
worked veins. I don't like to dwell upon it. Singing lower, 
and, if possible, more sweetly as they drew nearer, the group 
of Goddesses left-wheeled — so to speak — or rather columned- 
left and slowly ascended the piazza steps. I was rooted to 
the spot some ten feet to the West of the steps which faced 
due North. Slowly and gracefully they mounted the steps, 
their flowing garments fluttering softly about their divine 
shapes in a breeze that seemed to accompany them. Each 
held in her hand a small harp such as is usually depicted on 
Greek vases of an antique pattern. Upon this each played 
by touching the strings deftly and softly with her right hand. 
Chords soft as music on the waters was the result. To these 
chords was joined a music the cause of which was unseen, 
for it could not come from harps, being in the nature of 
strains from sweetest and richest violin you ever listened 
to. The combination of the harp's chords, the unseen violin, 
and the unutterable witchery of the maidens' voices I shall 
despair of ever imparting to mortal ears. Embarassing as 
was my position, stark naked as I stood, petrified by the min- 
gled horror, enchantment and current that held me as in a 
vice, yet, and nevertheless I had never in my life on earth — 
and in my youth, and before the war I had known happi- 
ness — never on earth had I experienced such ecstacy. The 
music slowly ceased as the last of the maidens set her snowy 
sandalled foot upon the cerulean pavement of the piazza in a 
direction opposite to me and seated herself on a stone bench 
that bounded the east and west side of the piazza, which stood 
some six feet from the ground. Said benches were of green 
marble the color of the dark trees that lined the horizon on 
every side. Each Goddess seated herself quietly holding her 
harp in her left hand, but allowing it to rest upon her lap. 
Slowly the Goddesses seated themselves in an easy but still 
upright attitude and slowly they turned their glorious eyes 
towards mine. Although I am operating the nerve-centres 
in your brain controlling the work of the pencil I can see 
your face as plainly as though I were sitting opposite you, 
and I smile at the smile that you are vainly trying to hide 
from playing about your lips. (You have created what I as 



51 

a reader of plays — from Shakespeare to Sardou, from Mar- 
lowe to Voltaire — term an embarassing situation). Ad- 
mitted. To resume. Slowly the Goddesses turned their glo- 
rious eyes towards me. The first thing that struck me in 
comparing their ravishing features and glorious orbs with 
the surely handsome women I have known on earth, was an 
inexpressible sweetness of expression that you may say is 
wholly wanting in the faces of beautiful women with us. I 
hasten to say that you know that no one had a more respect- 
ful admiration for women than myself. (I know that)- 
You also know that I was an enthusiastic admirer of beauty 
in women — beauty of feature, beauty of figure and beauty 
of soul, and of course, mind. (I certainly do). Very well, 
then, you will admit that in saying sweetness of expression 
is wholly wanting in the faces of beautiful women with us, 
I surprise you. (You surely do, my experienced veteran in 
the pursuit of loveliness. You surely do). Nevertheless 
what I have just said is strictly and unequivocally true. But 
you must know this. That I did not know that when I was 
on earth. I fancied that I had seen — and far better than 
that, my dear Archie — at least half a dozen women with 
ravishingly sweet expressions. Their expressions were sweet 
to me because I had never yet seen sweetness of expression, 
as sweetness of expression is depicted upon expressions, 
faces and features of females in Hell. '(You finished strong, 
Uncle Tom, you finished that sentence strong. My compli- 
ments). It is all very well for you, my blase friend, reclining 
as you now are on a lounge, with a writing-board resting on 
your breast and held in place by your left hand, it is all very 
well for you to lie back and sneer at me; but let me inform 
you sir, that could you but be vouchsafed so much as a 
glimpse of one of said Goddesses' profiles, no matter how 
fleeting, no matter how scanty a glimpse ; or of their glorious 
forms, veiled but yet outlined by the supernatural texture of 
their apparel: or of the front view of their divinely adorable 
faces, you would be brought up by such a round turn that it 
would give you pain, and you couldn't close your eyes for 
striving to conjure up the vision again, no. not close an eye 
for twenty-four hours. (I should like very much to have 
you put me to the test: Now here's a\ propomtion. I am — 
according to the late Professor William James — a bona fide, 



52 

dyed-in-the-wool medium. Now a medium is what was called 
in the Old Testament a diviner, sorcerer or witch. The pos- 
sessor of a "familiar spirit." Such was the Witch of Endor 
to whom went one of the most tragic figures in all History — 
sacred or profane — that precursor of "Macbeth,*' Saul, King 
of Israel. We have therefore pretty good authority that the 
only bona fide medium mentioned in the Old Testament — 
namely, the Witch of Endor, aforesaid — could do what no 
modern medium has ever done, though any number of the 
lying, thieving crew of professional mediums — I except that 
most admirable lady, Mrs. Piper, and Mademoiselle Helene 
Smith (a disguised name), the Swiss medium observed by 
Professor Flournoy, author of "From India to the Planet 
Mars, a Study in Somnambulism, " among other most scientifi- 
cally reasoned and splendidly arranged studies in Experi- 
mental Psychology — published by Harper & Bro., New York 
— though any number of that aggregation of thieves and liars 
known as modern professional mediums — as rank impostors 
as that old Hell-hag, Madame Blavatsky — though any num- 
ber of these cheats and charlatans claim to be able to do it 
and take gullible peoples' money for tricking them into be- 
lieving that they do it — we have the authority of the Old 
Testament that the Witch of Endor could "materialize." 
This, of course, means conjure-up the visible presence of a 
dead person, as the Witch of Endor conjured-up at the re- 
quest of Saul, practically on the eve of battle, the visible 
presence of Samuel from the bowels of the earth. Now, why 
should not I, a bona fide medium — do what another bona 
fida medium has done. Why should not I, tipped off by 
your respected, and thoroughly posted and distinguished self 
— why should not I be permitted to do — I am perfectly well 
aware of the fact that I am unable to do it of my own 
will and power — why should not I be permitted to do on the 
strictly "Q-T." of course, what a former predecessor in my 
art has done. I don't care a tinker's curse about conjuring-up 
you, my dear Uncle, alleged, for— among other reasons — I 
wouldn't know you if I saw you— but I'd risk considerable 
to be allowed to conjure up even one of the nine young ladies 
that gazed upon you so complacently — naturally — from the 
fact that to the pure ' ! 1 tings are pure, none but little chil- 
dren-like attain Paradise, and these nine were Goddesses— I'd 



53 

risk considerable for a glimpse of one of your young ladies 
aforesaid. I'm frank to say that young ladies of this world 
no longer interest me, I "cut them out" years ago. Nothing 
in petticoats can move me — but I'm perfectly willing to make 
an attempt at a move on Paradise, in the shape of one of 
your said nine, in clinging, diaphanous drapery). My youth- 
ful friend, pardon my frankness, but you talk like a damn 
fool. (On what grounds, may I ask?) By what right, 
I should like to kncnv, do you push yourself forward 
towards a prize no man has won? (The notoriously hard 
lines I have had in this world, after spending thousands of 
dollars and years of my life in helping others — offset by no 
crimes or even injury, to others. I'm no puritan, of course, 
and don't want to be, but I'm d — d if I deserve what I've 
been getting for fifteen years, if God Almighty is anything 
like what He was for power and justice when He argued 
with Abraham before destroying the aggregation of rascals 
known as Sodam: Unless the Judge of all the world has 
"gone back," He would admit — if I could only get within 
speaking distance of Him — as Abraham did — that He 
has administered unto me a "raw deal"). To resume. 
The first Goddess gazed meditatively upon my countenance 
for some moments in silence. My eyes met hers, and were 
riveted upon her face as by a spell. Slowly she parted her 
perfect lips and said in such mellifluous tones as have never 
reached mortal ears: "Mortal, put on immortality." At the 
completion of said formula, in the twinkling of an eye, I 
felt myself clothed in armor from head to foot. My right 
hand — impelled by said current and without the slightest 
guidance or thought upon my part sought my left thigh, 
and there grasped and drew from its sheath a sword such as 
Greek and Roman warriors are represented as wearing. My 
hand then brought the weapon to my face and lowered its 
point in the salute. At the same time I felt that a shield 
was strapped to my left arm — by which I mean had be- 
come so in the same twinkling. The moment the point of 
my sword pointed towards the ground, in the salute, a fan- 
fare of bugles startled the air and a shout like that of the 
Old Guard as it passed Napoleon Bonaparte at its last charge 
at Waterloo rent the air, coming from the lawn. Instantly 
the Goddesses vanished as though they had never existed and 



54 

In their place on the same green marble seat I saw Xapoleon 
Bonaparte asleep. He was to rny amazement, after all that 
1 had seen, and after the antique fashion in which I was 
clothed, as I have said — he was to my amazement dressed in 
the familiar long gray overcoat and small cocked hat. He 
was wrapped in his coat, and his face had the expression 
of approaching victory. Instantly I recognized the situa- 
tion, it was a replica of Xapoleon sleeping by the camp fire 
on the eve of his greatest victory — Austerlitz. No sooner did 
I recognize the above than a veil of something seemed lifted 
from my memory, and I remembered I had played the role 
of Marshal Ney in a former life. Xo sooner had the said 
veil fallen than Xapoleon awoke. Instantly he became 
clothed in the costume of Michelangelo's "The Thinker." it 
was so lightening — like that you could not even see the light- 
ening, so to speak, by which I mean that I could not see 
the slightest sign of the change of costume from an early 
19th century soldier to an ancient Greek warrior. All I saw 
was one instant Xapoleon asleep wrapped in a long gray 
overcoat with a cocked hat on his head. The next instant 
Xapoleon. in the armor of "The Thinker." was standing, 
sword in hand, before me. The glance of his eyes was terri- 
ble. It was as blinding as the lightening's flash. I could 
not bear his gaze, but my eyelids closed convulsively, as they 
do on a dark night when in a thunder storm out of inky 
blackness, a blinding streak of forked lightening cleaves its 
way. I also experienced a slight sensation of heat on the 
closed lids, as one does, standing at a safe distance from a 
blast-furnace. I recovered my self-possession and opened my 
eyes. This time, prepared as I was for what they had to en- 
counter. I was able, by will-power to-so to speak — force my 
lids to remain open under the glare of Xapoleon Bonaparte's 
battle-glance. I succeeded in forcing the lids to remain open, 
but I could not prevent a convulsive blinking which con- 
tinued for some seconds. Finally, this. too. passed away and 
I could look at Xapolecn steadily. I shall not attempt to 
picture his countenance. At the lapse of a few seconds, he 
said in slow, grave tones. "Marshal, we meet again." With 
out the least thought — and as though I were employing 
Vocal- Automatism, my lips uttered "Sire, we do." "Mar- 
shal, the time for payment has come." "Sire, 'tis true/' 



55 

''Marshal, adieu." Whereupon Napoleon vanished. There- 
upon I felt myself instantly stripped of all armor, and re- 
duced to natal nakedness as before. Thereupon, upon the 
self-same bench that had borne such different — first lovely, 
then terrible — burdens in so short a time, appeared a form 
clothed entirely in scarlet. The costume was that worn by 
Pontius Pilate, in other words, the Paludament, or red cloak- 
like robe, worn by Roman generals. The features of the said 
being were those of the typical Roman Military Governor, 
by which I mean typical Roman soldier-politician, as practi- 
cally all Roman soldiers of rank were. Said being gazed 
upon me sternly for some time. His gaze seemed to search 
my very soul. At the end of about ten minutes, said being 
said in hard, cold, dry, judge-like tones, in perfectly good 
English : "Marshal Ney, you are about to prepare yourself 
to be able to undergo the trials, toils, torments and tortures 
merited by you for your self-indulgent, obstinate, thought- 
less conduct of the battles of Quatre-Bras and Waterloo; the 
which animadverted against the general plans of the Em- 
peror. The heroic courage you displayed at Waterloo, taken 
together with your heroic end, mitigate largely the charges 
against your heart and intellect. Be assured that you will 
triumph in the end, and emerge as invincible as your courage 
is and always has been, indomitable, adieu." Immediately 
his place was taken by a female figure dressed somewhat 
after the fashion of a sister of charity in the Roman Catholic 
Church, with the following marked differences. The color 
of her robes was a creamy white, not dazzling, but soothing 
to the eye. The shape of her head-dress was not in the 
least bonnet-like. The material was white linen, which was 
wound in a band under the chin and around the crown of the 
head. Her hair was done after the Greek fashion. Her 
robes were Greek also in cut. Said female allowed her hands 
to fall into her lap, the left hand over the right, in an easy 
posture, as she gently gazed upon my face. Slowly she 
studied my features. Slowly she opened her beautiful, but 
gravely sad lips, and said in a voice in which subdued sad- 
ness, was the dominant tone: "Marshal Ney, prepare your 
soul for trial.*' No sooner had she spoken than a most ter- 
rific shout rent the air — jells such as Indians give in charging 
in a night attack upon their foe, split the very firmament. 



56 

Instantly, the said female form vanished, and I saw dashing 
towards me from among the trees on the East of the Palace 
a skirmish line of naked American Indians in full war paint. 
Each had in his hand a bow with an arrow in place to draw 
to the head, while the gleam of tomahawk and scalping 
knife shone at their belts. A quiver of arrows was strapped 
over the shoulder of each. The bodies of the oncoming band 
were stripped to the waist, their limbs being clothed in deer- 
skin leggings. Their heads were shaved except for the brist- 
ling scalp-lock, and their faces and chests w T ere painted fan- 
tastically. I made shift to get to cover, but once more said 
mysterious current held me riveted in my tracks. The next 
moment a flight of arrows whizzed past my head and shoul- 
ders. Instantly, each brave drew another arrow from the 
quiver and (stopped at about 6:35 A. M., 8-23-'12, 8-22-12 
(N.) (Napped on the sofa till about 8 A. M. and now re- 
sume automatic writing at about 3 to 9 A. M., 8-23-12, 8-22- 
12 (N - .), J. A. C), fitting same to the bow string let fly 
another flight. This time I did not escape so easily. About 
half a dozen arrows struck me. Before describing their loca- 
tion, I should observe that the texture of the arrows was 
somewhat remarkable. Instead of being of wood shod with 
steel, the arrows were of steel shod with flame. The steel 
again merits description. It was the most delicate lambent 
material, metal was ever bounded by. In thickness the ar- 
rows were not grosser than the thinnest lead pencil you ever 
saw. Furthermore, the steel had the quality of bending, 
upon impact, as flexibly as though it were coiled into a 
series of spirals. Lastly, regarding the nature of the steel, 
it was the lightest metal imaginable, far lighter than alumi- 
num is by the side of lead. Said arrows were feathered as 
wooden arrows are, but the feathers were as much heavier 
than ordinary feathers and also stronger, as the steel was 
lighter than ordinary steel. It remains to describe the flame 
that tipped each arrow. Said flame had a magic quality, in 
that it offered as much resistance to a foreign body as did 
the steel. The said flame also kept in place, by which I mean 
did not flare or flicker, but stood straight out stiffly and 
firmly as though it were steel painted to represent flame. I 
shall first describe the location of the half dozen hits made 
on me as a butt, next the sensation accompanying same. The 



57 

first hit was precisely and directly in the center of my heart. 
(Is that "heart," may I ask?) It is. The second hit was 
precisely and directly in the centre of my right eye. (Phew ! 
Harold, the last English King's fierce fate). Precisely. The 
third hit was precisely and directly in the centre of my 
liver The fourth hit was precisely and directly in the 
centre of my kidneys. The fifth hit was precisely and 
directly in the centre of my right lung. The sixth and 
last hit was precisely and directly in the centre of my mouth. 
(Uncle alleged, you surely were shot up). It is very easy, 
my dear Sir, for you to sneer, but permit me to suggest that 
when the time arrives for you to take the same kind of medi- 
cine — after passing in your checks — pray attempt to remem- 
ber that flippant remark. (No offence, Uncle alleged, no of- 
fence). Oh, I am well aware that your mouth is choke-full 
of glib phrases to ease your way through life — none more 
so, my dear sir, none more so. (If you will pardon a sugges- 
tion coming from so unworthy a source as my "glib self," may 
1 push forward the idea that you would have no farther 
trouble in procuring a respectful hearing from me, if you 
would only deign to furnish me with a scintilla of proof, of 
the authenticity of your incredible statements, in the slight- 
est degree commensurate with the enormity of the same). 
What did I just tell you about }^our glib tongue? (I per- 
fectly well remember what you just told me regarding that 
usually unruly member). I shall now proceed. Concern- 
ing the sensations following hard upon the heels of the en- 
trance of said peculiarly constructed arrows into my frame, I 
shall attempt only a partial description. In the first place 
the inconvenience and pain caused by the entrance of said 
arrows into my frame was incredibly increased by two pecu- 
liarities before alluded to in respect to the flaming tips of 
tlie said arrows and the flexible spiral-like stems — so to 
speak — of the said shafts. For, unlike ordinary arrows, 
the greatest pain was not caused by the entrance of the same 
into the frame — that was noteworthy certainly, but not a 
court-plaster patch upon the excruciating agony immediately 
following said entrance. For then the burning only really 
began. The flaming tips aforesaid began to get in their 
work only after obtaining a foothold — so to speak — in the 
centre of the heart, liver, lung, kidneys, mouth and eye. 



58 

The said flaming tips then "began to wheeze and flare—so to 
speak—precisely a,s a blacksmith's bellows wheezes, and causes 
the flame on the forge to flare. It was as though each Indian 
had his lips attached to the other end of each arrow, and 
was using it as a blow-pipe to excite the flame and increase 
its penetration and area. Of course, such was not the ease, 
the flames— so to speak— took care of that themselves. Next, 
we come to the damnably uncomfortable said spiral-Wee steel 
shafts at the end of said flaming tips. These said accessories 
seemed suddenly to become attached to a steam-roller— so 
n>arcellously did said delicate, frail looking shafts increase 
in weight. Each shaft began to weigh tons. (Is that "tons." 
may I ask:) You may. I reiterate the incomprehensible 
statement to mortal ears, that each steel shaft began to weigh 
tons. In order to aim to help you to attempt to take this 
in. I should add that the supporting strength of my frame 
exactly increased with mathematical exactitude and precision 
so as to keep pace with the strain placed upon same by the 
magical increase in weight of the said flexible steel shafts. 
The same, of course, held good with the resisting power of 
the texture of each organ aforesaid, subjected to the above- 
Hellishly unpleasant process of extermination, purification 
and concentration. I may as well lift another fold of the 
veil separating the living from the dead. It is far from 
my present purpose to break the thread of this narrative 
sufficiently to subject you to a discourse upon the nature of. 
and cure required for the extermination of sin — far from it, 
my dear Archie. But I must, in justice to the situation, say 
a few words of explanation touching the above frankly in- 
comprehensible — otherwise — statement. The object of all 
trial, toil, torment and torture in Hell and Purgatory, is to 
purify the mind, heart, frame and soul, and thereby cure 
it of moral evil, and fit it for better things than being turned 
into a chopping block, archery butts, or macadamized road, 
as I was bv the said flight of arrows lighting in me. and 
getting in their work. "Vengeance is mine. I will repay." 
is perfectly true, and surely carried out. But the repayment 
is so far in excess of the original debt that it would be hor- 
ribly unjust to carry out the said archery practice and road- 
making — I might call it "good-road v making — were the same 
not scientifically necessary to burn up and crush out of the 



59 

system — so to speak — the corroding, rotting quality of sin. I 
hope that I have said enough to show you that Jehovah 
does not permit Satan — should Satan desire so unjust a thing, 
which his superb nature would forcibly prohibit his doing — 
to allow wandering bands of redskins to Fenimore Cooper, 
the Human Race in Hell — to coin a phrase meant in no dis- 
respect of that great and far from properly appreciated in 
most quarters, novelist of all time — Jehovah is far too just 
to permit Satan, as Lord of Hell, to organize bands of rov- 
ing savages to attack in the above dramatic manner, new T 
arrivals in Hell. Satan acting in accordance with the most 
dark, dire, inscrutable and ominous code of Law ever com- 
piled, and known as the Decrees of Destiny, Satan acting in 
accord with said dread code, has used his poetic and dra- 
matic art to render heroic, romantic, and far from damnably 
mechanical, the surgical and chemical processes necessary for 
the purification of the human heart and other organs in Hell. 

Having had a shot at showing you why / was so shot at, 
I shall now proceed with my tale of woe: 

The first thing that will occur to you will be to inquire 
what I did under the circumstances. Well, I did nothing, 
for the excellent reason that I could do nothing. Said mys- 
terious force held me in a vice, while it sustained me, under 
the tons of weight rolled round in the various said portions 
of my anatomy, from breakage under said strain, and, at the 
same time, permitted the full and free burning, and grind- 
ing, cutting, grilling and flattening necessary for the eradi- 
cation of the corroding and rotting effects of sin from said 
portions of my frame. You will at once desire to inquire 
as to whether I cried out under said torture. To which I 
instantly reply that I had the strongest possible desire to 
do so, but was as strictly prohibited from so doing as I was 
prohibited from budging or moving a muscle. I attempted 
to cry out, in rage and despair, curses, and what not, that 
would naturally come to the mind of any one worthy the 
name of man, at such apparently unjust and tyrannical treat- 
ment of a newcomer in a perfectly helpless unarmed state — 
in a state of nudity. But try as I did, I could not utter a 
sound. Meanwhile the Indians were gloating over the sight 
of my sufferings — no doubt feeling that they were merely 
setting their dues for the outrageous robbery of their rights 



60 

by the white man from the first time that individual ever 
came in contact with the red. As I learned later, every 
emotion of my mind, every wish of my heart, every thrill 
of my nerves in agony was as legibly readable to a so- 
journer of experience in Hell, in my countenance in tor- 
ture, and in every man and every woman's countenance in 
torture, as are stock quotations on the bulletin board in a 
Wall Street Stock Broker's reception parlor. You will ask 
if I got accustomed in the slightest degree to the agony as 
it went on. as we do in the world. To which I reply, not in 
the faintest degree. The reason for this difference is the 
difference in the texture of the corruptible body and the 
incorruptible. In the former, of course, after the nerves have 
been sufficiently affected by torture, there is more or less 
diminution in the power of sensation. Not so in the incor- 
ruptible body. Here the torture is as penetrating in its last 
moment as in its first. Unutterably suffering as I was. yet 
said mysterious force compelled me to take note of the faces 
of the Indians. Never in my life had I ever imagined any- 
thing comparable with the savage joy lighting up the faces 
of the braves. Their eyes gleamed like stars in their dark 
faces. Their cruel lips parted, showing their white teeth as 
the emotion of retribution at last meted out to the enemy 
and destroyer of their race's power on earth, spread itself 
through their souls. Now and then a fierce, triumphant war- 
whoop would shatter the silence, as a brave noted a peculiarly 
poignant desire of revenge at such diabolical injustice as I 
was receiving, sweep over my storm-tried countenance. Xow 
and then a chief would rise, and throwing out his chest, 
would begin to chant a war-song of triumph at my woe. 
Now and then a brave would beckon to another and point to 
my face and smile exultingly. Whereupon the second would 
sometimes shout out a defiance at me. and sometimes begin 
in Ms turn to chant his war-song. The group consisted of 
about a score of male Indians. After about half an hour (For 
Heaven's sake! A half hour of such work!) A full and 
ample half hour. I do assure you. After about half an hour 
of torture, a sound of peculiar sweetness pierced the cloud 
of agony shrouding my perception. It came from the West 
side of the Palace. Slowly it drew near. Of course. I could 
not turn round, nor would have turned round if I could 



61 

have, having other pressing matters in mind at said time. 
But wild — with half an hour of such agony as no man has 
ever imagined — as I was, I could not be insensible to the 
peculiar sweetness of the sound that fell upon my anguished 
ears. SloAvly it drew near. Slowly it came abreast of me, 
and 9s slowly passed. It proceeded from the lips of a bevy 
of Indian maidens, about a score in number, which slowly 
filed by me in Indian file, singing in low accents as they 
passed. In Hell as I was, in more than one sense of that 
much used and frequently grossly abused word, in Hell as 
I was, I could not escape the beauty of these maidens. 
{ Uncle Tom, I salute you as the Hero extraordinary, of the 
male sex in its adoration of the female. With a flaming ar- 
row in one eye, revolving, if not rotating as well — and rub- 
bing it in on you to the extent of several tons, to say noth- 
ing of the several other arrows — yet and nevertheless your 
unoccupied-by-an-arrow — other eye, true as the needle to the 
pole, followed its loadstar beauty to the bitter end). As I 
before remarked, wait till you get what's coming to you, 
my boy. To resume. As the beaut} 7 of the Goddesses tran- 
scended the beauty of all women I had ever imagined, so 
did — in its sphere — the dark beauty of the Indian maidens 
surpass that of all Indian beauties I had ever seen or heard 
of. In place of the copper color of the Indian on earth, their 
skin below has the hue of bronze mingled with and lightened 
by gold. The color is sometimes seen on earth in an un- 
usually beautiful mysterious summer sunset, but nowhere 
else. Their eyes were much more beautiful than their 
eyes on earth, as were their skins. Their figures — of which 
more could be seen than of the Goddesses, but nothing that 
could affront modesty — were as perfect as those of the God; 
desses. Their costume was an idealized pattern of the usual 
Indian female garb. The maidens slowly filed past me and 
took up position towards the South, that is to say, towards 
the Grove from which — as I afterwards learned — the God- 
desses had emerged on the East side of the Palace, No 
sooner had they clone so than the warriors, with one ear- 
piercing war-whoop of defiance, vanished into thin air. 

At that instant, my torture instantly ceased, and you 
mortal, cannot comprehend this — as instantly did every ves- 
tige of it disappear from my memory. (Come! Come! Uncle 



62 

Tom.) What did I tell you, my dear Archie. To resume. 
Not only did every vestige of the agony disappear from my 
memory, but I also was deprived of the slightest recollection 
of what had just occurred. (Phew!) You may well whistle, 
my observant and attentive friend. 

Now, you can see the mercy of God. Now you can com- 
prehend, that in spite of the Hell-awful punishment one un- 
dergoes in Hell, yet, through it, over it, and under it all, are 
the Everlasting Arms, are the encircling, protecting arms, of 
a Fatherly, loving and tender God. (That, my dear Uncle 
Tom, is the best you've done yet). To resume. So soon as 
the torture ceased and all memory of it and its occurrence 
was erased in a twinkling from my mind, I perceived that 
I was no longer nude. At the same instant I became clothed 
as before in antique armor. So soon as this most desirable 
change in my costume had taken place, the bevy of maidens 
approached and ascended the steps of the piazza, much in 
the same dignified, yet graceful, and easy way, in which the 
Goddesses had filed past me into position on the aforesaid 
stone seat. The leading maiden of the Indian band regarded 
me slowly with a searching penetrating look. Her hands 
were in precisely the same attitude of repose in her lap as 
had been those of the — so to speak — sister of charity, afore- 
said. Slowly, she regarded me. Slowly her perfect lips 
opened, and slowly issued forth the following words in Eng- 
lish, slightly tinged with an Indian accent: "Pale face, wel- 
come to the Happy Hunting Grounds. The Great Spirit 
has been pleased to number you among the chosen braves of 
His band. Again, I bid you welcome." To which strange 
speech I at once, without the slightest conscious ratiocina- 
tion, and, as it were, by vocal-automatism, made reply 
"Princess, be graciously pleased to deign to accept the hom- 
age and devotion of the most unworthy of his race.'* To 
which, I may add, for my part, equally strange speech — 
the leading Indian maiden made the following reply: "War- 
rior, I accept thy homage. The Great Spirit loves and 
trusts thee above all other pale-face warriors. You are his 
favorite. The Great Spirit will not as yet convey these 
words to you because you are still new and strange to this 
strange world, but I am deputed by Him to notify you of 
your lofty place in His heart. Warrior, know that many 



63 

perils lie along tlry way. Thy way is beset with terror, as 
the way of the Indian was beset with terror after the com- 
ing of the Pale-face. But rest assured that your heart is 
strong, and your fate even stronger, and the Great Spirit's 
love for thee stronger than all; Warrior, farewell." With 
these words, the bevy of maidens vanished. 

For a few seconds thereafter I was actually left alone 
with my thoughts, I could hear the rhythmic purring of the 
sleeping monster before described as half-lion-half-horse. It 
was lying on its side in the attitude of a sleeping cat. I was 
now free to move my body, but not yet my feet from where 
I had been glued, so to speak, during so many startling ex- 
periences. I could therefore see the recumbent dragon, also 
fast asleep, and chug-chugging as steadily as ever. A thin 
stream of smoke ascended from each nostril as it slept. I 
hasten to say that the unspeakable odor of the creature — I 
found to my unutterable relief — which had not only terrified 
but nearly strangled me — is never emitted unless the creature 
is irritated, and desires hostile action upon its part. Noth- 
ing could surpass the peacefulness of the superb prospect. 
I recalled nought of the torture, as aforesaid, but minutely 
recollected the slightest detail of each other incident. My 
heart swelled within me, with mingled pride and ambition, 
at the words of the Indian Princess. Slowly, the sinister 
meaning lurking in the background of her kindly warning, 
began to steal over my senses like a cool, almost chilling 
breeze. No sooner had this impression of impending evil 
reached my being, than I saw a shadow stealthily project it- 
self round the Western corner of the Palace, As I did so, I 
felt my feet released from the stocks, so to speak, in which 
they had been riveted, and the current instantly crouched 
me down behind the green marble bench on the West — as on 
the East side — of the piazza, and my hand stole to the hilt 
of my sword and waited. Slowly the shadow crept round 
the corner of the Palace. At length I saw the head of an 
Indian warrior, in full war paint, project itself beyond the 
shelter of the corner of the Palace, His gaze met mine. 
With a yell of surprise, the head disappeared. Instantly I 
felt myself speeding after the retreating savage with my 
sword drawn and shield advanced to cover my front. As I 
rounded the corner of the Palace, the Indian reached the 



64 

edge of the lawn, that surrounded the Palace on all sides, and 
turned to look in my direction. He then drew an arrow 
from his bow — not a flame-tipped one, as in the former band 
of Indians — but a wooden arrow, as I afterwards ascertained, 
with a steel point — and let fly at me. Instinctively I raised 
my shield, and the missile clashed against the metal surface 
of my shield, and fell harmless to the ground. With an 
whoop of defiance, the savage disappeared into thin air. At 
the salf same second of time, a third figure appeared in 
view. This was nothing less than a giant. (Is that "giant," 
may I ask:). It is "giant." This creature was about the size, 
build and equipment of one Goliath of Gath. You may imag- 
ine my surprise and concern. He was standing in precisely 
the same spot from which my Indian friend — the one who 
had shot an arrow at me — had vanished into thin air. The 
aspect of Goliath — for so I shall dub him — was highly trucu- 
lent and menacing. He was without his shield-bearer, but 
bore his own door-like shield on his left arm. His features 
were handsome, of an antique, stern, fierce type of oriental 
beauty, and his muscles and limbs and arms were superb. 
He haughtily observed me for a few seconds, and then said, 
in tones that rumbled like mimic thunder, in English, hint- 
ing of a strange accent "What make you here, Abner." To 
which I replied, as usual, without the least thought : "I make 
my rounds, Goliath, I make my rounds." To which the 
giant said: "Harken, Abner. The time has come for a 
trial of strength betwixt us twain. You have often boasted 
that the force from the Spirit of the Lord of Hosts could 
equal the strength Baal and Ashtaroth have implanted in my 
arms and limbs. Now hark you, Abner. I will a wager lay 
with thee. I will wager a talent of gold against a talent 
of brass, that I can throw my spear against thy shield, on 
thy arm and spit thee as I would a beast." "Goliath, I will 
joyfully accept thy wager, and let the game begin now." 
"Stay/ friend Abner, where is thy forfeit?" "It is here 
Goliath." And with that, I produced from the air— as it 
seemed to me — a talent-weight of brass and laid it on the 
greensward in front of me, but to the left of the line of 
vision, between Goliath and myself. Thereupon the giant 
produced from apparently the same obliging quarter a talent- 
weight of what appeared to be pure gold, and deposited it 



65 

on the grass to my left. Thereupon he said, "Now I will 
essay." I may as well observe that I was as much amazed 
at my own hardihood and indifference to inevitable destruc- 
tion — as it appeared to my judgment, to turn myself into a 
human target for a spear-throwing contest with Goliath of 
Gath, Goliath to hurl the spear, and I to hold the target — I 
was as much amazed at my own hardihood and indifference 
to death by violence, as I was at the sudden sense of over- 
whelming strength, gigantic, all-subduing strength that swept 
into my being from the soles of my feet, as though I stood 
on a magical battery of some sort and was being charged 
with magic force — and coursed through my veins until it 
reached my heart, which it thrilled and inflated with a feel- 
ing of confidence and phj^sical strength, little short of super- 
human. No sooner had I felt this ecstatic throb of power 
in my heart than I shouted in a loud voice: "The Lord 
liveth ! Let His enemies be scattered ! Advance, Goliath 
of Gath, to thy humiliation!" With that Goliath flew into a 
rage that was terrible to witness, but which left me abso- 
lutely calm and indifferent. I was standing in a nonchalant 
attitude, except that my shield was on my arm and my arm 
bent and ready to fly into place should Goliath let fly his 
spear. The giant, without more ado, raised his right arm, 
and hurled his weaver's beam of a spear at me. To my amaze- 
ment, I felt no more shock when it struck my shield than 
I had when the Indian's arrow fell harmless therefrom. 
The monstrous spear crashed harmless against my shield, 
and dropped, broken in two, at the impact. Thereupon 
Goliath drew his enormous sword, and advanced upon me 
at the charge, with his huge shield on his left arm. To my 
utter amazement, I felt no more concern at this than I had 
at the former threat of death aforesaid. The feeling of super- 
natural strength aforesaid, if anything, seemed increased 
rather than diminished, and I rushed to meet his charge with 
the joy of a Homeric Hero. I shall not now attempt to de- 
scribe this combat, but shall at some future time. You are 
getting somewhat, naturally, sleepy now, and need repose 
after practically incessant writing, bar some three hours' nap, 
since yesterday evening. Let it suffice to say that the force 
in my sword-arm was fully equal to that in my shield-arm, 
and my skill at fence amazed me. Goliath was a skilled 



66 

swordsman, and, as may be well imagined, a powerful one. 
But he did not do more than supply a strong foil to show 
off my dangerous and aggressive attack. He never touched 
me, whereas I drew blood from his arms and thighs more 
than once — not deep or dangerous wounds, but ones that bled 
freely for a few moments. After the fleshing of my blade 
several times in his carcass, Goliath concluded that I would 
be a good man to leave alone, and brought the combat to a 
close with these gutteral words: "Abner, I did thee and 
thy God gross wrong. I know that the Lord of Hosts is a 
powerful God, and after Baal and Ashtaroth, worthy to be 
praised. Abner, take thy prize, and know that Goliath har- 
bors thee no ill." To which I replied, unconsciously, as al- 
ways, under said circumstances: "Goliath, speed thee well. 
I take not thy forfeit, for the glory is to the Lord from 
whence cometh my strength. May Baal and Ashtaroth bless 
and reward thee for the greatness of thy soul. Adieu.*' 
IVhereupon Goliath of Gath disappeared into thin air. Xo 
sooner had Goliath disappeared than I found myself once 
more standing on the same spot on the piazza of the Palace, 
stript of everything but my skin. In front of me. standing 
this time in front of the familiar bench on the East side of 
the piazza, stood my keeper foretold by Xapoleon Bonaparte. 
To my delightful surprise. I saw that said keeper was none 
other than the said Sister of Charity. I of course, did not 
know the above from having been so told, but the instant I 
saw her standing there with a white garment like a Roman 
toga, depending from her uplifted hands. I divined tha| 
she was to be my keeper, in very much the same way that 
female nurses attend male patients in hospitals. Instantly. I 
was wrapped in the ample fold of the toga. Thereupon, she 
spoke as follows: "Marshal Xey. you have acquitted your- 
self well in the heroic struggle you have encountered. You 
must know that from now on for a considerable time, you 
will have no more feats of strength, skill, and courage to 
occupy you, but your preparation will be purely spiritual. 
I do not wish you to infer from this that you will have to 
submit to homilies by me or anybody else, on matters religious 
or moral, but simply that the scientific side of spirituality 
will be shown you. and the vast field of mind opened up. 
This field will require some years for you to conquer. You 



67 

will not clon warlike habiliments again until the aforesaid 
field has, by your own efforts, been made your own. I shall 
see } T ou for several hours each day, but for the first year 
here you will see nobody but myself. Your life will be that 
of a prisoner condemned to solitary confinement, except that 
there will be no disgrace connected with your confinement, 
i) or will it be in a building in the least resembling a gaol. 
I shall conduct you to your place of abode/' With that we 
both of us disappeared into the centre of the earth. (Is that 
"disappeared into the centre of the earth," may I ask?) It 
is. The action was so incredibly swift and sudden that for 
the life of me I couldn't tell what had taken place. I dis- 
covered later the minute details. Briefly the nurse — as I shall 
in future term her — and I were standing opposite each other 
on the fatal spot on the piazza, when I felt the floor of the 
piazza sink beneath me precisely as }^ou feel an elevator in 
a sky-scraper sink swiftly under your feet when the man in 
charge has slammed the gate shut. We went with the swift- 
ness of thought, the nurse and I, down a chute or elevator 
shaft apparently concealed in the flooring of the piazza. I 
could see nothing as we shot, as though expelled from a cata- 
pult, down the pitch black shaft. I noticed a damp, earthy 
smell, as though on entering a mine shaft. That was the 
solitary observation I was enabled to make as we whirled 
downward. At times, I was aware of great heat, but there 
seemed to be a — so to speak — cool atmosphere that accom- 
panied us as we descended — as a bank of cool air hangs in a 
hollow on earth. Through the bank fierce jets of heat at times 
pierced their way, and they were terrible, but so short-lived 
that they were hardly noticeable, since the enveloping bank of 
cool, pure, upper air appeared to continually replenish and 
renew itself from above as we shot downwards. At the lapse 
of some five minutes, roughly estimated, a faint ray of light 
began to be perceptible in our elevator — so to speak. This 
swiftly broadened and brightened until it was as bright as 
day when the elevator came to a gradual stop. As it did 
so, its sides — so to speak — disappeared, and I found myself 
in a most ravishingly beautiful country. I shall not attempt 
to describe this now, for reasons already stated — you must 
go to bed and to sleep. Let it suffice to say that I saw within 
a few yards of me a building precisely like an old-time Roman 



68 

Catholic monastery. -There lies thy goal." said the nurse. I 
shall not touch upon the architecture at this seance. I shall 
hurry to a close. Before the frowning portal the nurse 
halted: "Marshal Xey." she said. "Knock and it shall be 
opened unto you. Seek and ye shall find. For the nonce 
adieu." With that she disappeared. I approached the gloomy 
doors and knocked with my right knuckles upon the door. 
A wicket — so to speak — a small space in the door, opened, and 
a deep sepulchral male voice said, "Who Knocks?' 5 "Marshal 
Ney, r I replied, with the usual unconsciousness. "Marshal 
Xey. enter in the name of the Lord." Whereupon the huge 
doors slowly swung open, and I beheld a chapel lighted very 
much as in Ritualistic Protectant Episcopal churches, but less 
ornate than in the Roman Catholic Church. At the head of 
the chapel stood the altar, which was also more Ritualistic 
than Roman Catholic in construction. There were lighted can- 
ales thereon. I saw no one. The same voice said "Kneel. 
Marshal Xey. and confess thy sins to God." Whereupon 1 
found my knees kneeling naturally. "Pray. Marshal Xey. 
for the sins of the world." TThereupon I found my lips mov- 
ing, and low -words issuing from them. At the end of - y, 
five minutes, the voice said. "Arise, Marshal Xey. and follow 
me." Of course, as the owner of the voice was absolutely 
invisible I could not have followed him through the long 
windings and turnings of the monastery at either side of 
the said chapel, which I afterwards found was in the centre 
of the vast pile, had I not found myself once more in the 
grasp, so to speak, of the friendly current. It pushed me 
along as gently as it had out of the bed chamber of His Sa- 
tanic Majesty, and through Xapoieon Bonaparte's Palace. 
After traversing a building as much vaster than the E scoria! 
in Spain as the Escorial is vaster than a village chapel, to 
put it rather mildly. I found myself in front of the door of 
a cell. The cell door was shut. It was the only doer on that 
corridor. The voice said "Marshal Xey. behold thy home 
for years. Enter, and fear not. Adieu." Whereupon the 
door of the cell opened of itself from within and I entered. 
The cell was the size of an ordinary large, bedroom. The 
windows were barred heavily with iron. There were two 
aspects from the cell : one to the South and one to the West 
The cell opened on those points of the compass by it^ win- 



69 

clows. The view to the South disclosed another vast build- 
ing, whose architecture I shall not now take time to describe. 
The view to the West embraced a beautiful prospect, which 
I shall not now describe. Not a soul was in sight nor a 
sound heard. I next addressed myself to acquainting myself 
with the furniture in my future home. There was a plain, 
monk-like bed, comfortably furnished with clothing, and on 
the walls, to my surprise, were engravings of historic inci- 
dents, known to mundane history. A large plain table, a 
chest of drawers, and several chairs completed the furnish- 
ings in my cell. I saw a second door in the wall. As I 
approached it opened of itself inward, and to my amazement 
I found a marble bath sunk into the floor, through which a 
stream of water was falling from a fountain — carved in the 
form of a lion's head — the bath and fountain were antique 
in build and design. Feeling a desire to bathe, I stopped 
the progress of the stream through the bath, and throwing 
off my toga, plunged in. The bath was deep enough and 
large enough to cover my shoulders with water when I stood 
up, and to allow of my floating and taking a few strokes 
before reaching either side. After a most refreshing ten 
minutes, I climbed out by some marble steps let into the side 
and found what I had not seen before, clean towels precisely 
like our bath towels. Also I found another costume laid 
out for me by the side of nry toga, the costume of a Greek 
when indoors. This I put on and re-entered my cell. So soon 
as I did, I heard the same voice say "Marshal Ney, prepare 
thy soul for prayer." Thereupon the idea occurred to me 
to banish all thoughts from my mind but those of the Deity 
and ni}' own unworthiness. This I did as best I could. 
Thereupon the voice said "Kneel," I found a prie-dieu, or 
kneeling bench, with cushions for the knees, and rest for 
the head — such as is found in Roman Catholic oratories, for 
instance. Upon this I kuelt. Thereupon the voice said: 
"Marshal Ney, know that this place was ordained for thy 
reception from the foundation of the world. Nothing hap- 
pens by chance, all is foreordained. Chance exists, but it 
is only chance in name — actually it is the working out of 
God's will in the world. Prepare to pray." I once more 
composed my mind to prayer. Thereupon the voice said, 
"Marshal Nev, why dost thou think that thou art here? 77 



70 

Whereupon I unconsciously, as usual, replied "For the good 
of my soul." "Thou sayest well." replied the voice. "Mar- 
shal Xey. what dost thou intend to do during thy stay in 
the monastery?" "I intend to prepare my soul for the 
grand things in store for it." "Thou sayest well. Marshal 
Xey. whence comest thou T "From Hell." "Where art thou 
now?" "In Purgatory." "Thou sayest well. How dost thou 
propose to prepare thy soul for the grand things in store 
for it?" "By prayer, fasting, and deep inward searching 
of the heart." "Thou sayest well. Marshal Xey. whither 
art thou bound after thy sojourn in Purgatory?" "To rejoin 
my Emperor in Hell." "Thou sayest well. Marshal Xey, 
how dost thou propose to deeply, inwardly search thy heart?" 
"By. first, a study of the Scriptures, in order that I may 
know what fashion of Being Jehovah is: what fashion of 
Being Jesus Christ is: and what fashion of Being the Holy 
Spirit is. By. second^ forming a rule of conduct for my daily 
guidance in my dealings with my fellow beings, based upon 
the fashion of Being I shall find Jehovah to be by said study 
of the Scriptures: and based upon the fashion of Being I 
shall find Jesus Christ to be by said study of the Scriptures; 
and based upon the fashion of Being I shall find the Holy 
Spirit to be by said study of the Scriptures. Upon said two 
pillars of faith hang all the secrets of life." "Thou sayest. 
well. Marshal Xey. what thereafter dost thou propose to 
do ]" "Thereafter I propose to quicken my spirit by prayer, 
and thoughts on the welfare of the world : and how I. by 
prayer, may guide and aid the destinies of the world, and 
my fellow beings." "Thou sayest well. Marshal Xey. what 
thereafter dost thou propose to doT* "Thereafter I propose 
to perfect myself in all manner of learning, to the end that 
I may aid the destinies of the world and my fellow beings 
as best I may." "Thou sayest well. Marshal Xey. may God 
strengthen thee in the hour of trial. Farewell." Thereupon 
I rose from my somewhat cramped — from being somewhat 
unaccustomed to an adoring attitude — knees, and heaved 
a profound sigh of relief. Whereupon said voice said " 
not at hwrmMiy lei ore the idea of Perfection, far th/rt is the 
essence of true prayer in the form of adoration of th> s - 
preme Being. Know that from now on thy slighte.-t thought 
will be answered — unless it requires no answer, either because 



71 

it is correct, or does not ask an unconscious question of 
creation, or because it is incorrect and demands correction 
for the good of thine own immortal soul. Know that from 
now on knowledge shall take the place of ignorance in thy 
heart, and certitude, of doubt. Know, moreover, that by 
strict attention to a high ideal of thought, as loell as of in- 
tention, as well as of conduct, is the only way in which to 
achieve thy aforesaid future high and worthy purposes. From 
now on thou art never alone. I take the place of thy con- 
science, and shall chide thee, or sparingly praise thee, as 
does conscience. In no other way can the dictum 'Be ye 
therefore perfect even as your Father which is in Heaven is 
perfect' be attained, than by constant attention to the 
slightest hint of ideas suggested to your mind by conscience." 
You may see from the above, my dear Archie, that life 
below decks has a very serious side*«f# it. A side that bores 
all wordly people to stupefaction, but a side, nevertheless, 
that must be cultivated, if one wishes to achieve either Hell 
or the Underworld and avoid the Kingdom of Sin and 
Annihilation. Believe me, you have not been more fatigued 
by the above catechism than was I. I don't wonder at your 
spelling the pronoun I, e-y-e after the above hours. 

(Stopped about 4P.M. exact, 8-23-12. J. A. C.) 
End of first Spirit-Message (alleged) from Hell. 



L'Envoi. 



(Houston (Tex.) Post, July 28, 1912.) 

From the way John Armstrong Chaloner writes, it seems 
to us that he is bound to be happy. 



(New York Evening Telegram, August 5, 1912.) 

See that John Armstrong Chaloner, former husband of 
Amelie Rives, brother-in-law of Lina Cavalieri has received 
a "message from hell." No news in that for New York, but 
if the psychic receives any information from Chicago or the 
man higher up, would like to hear it. 



(Portland, (Ore.) Telegram, August 5, 1912.) 
"HELL'S NOT HALF BAD OLD PLACE, YOU KNOW." 

Alexandria, Va., August 5. — "Hell isn't a half bad place," 
according to a friend of John Armstrong Chaloner. This 
friend, long a resident of the region which Dante once graphi- 
cally described, has supplemented the observations of the 
famous Florentine poet and brought hell data down to date 
in a spirit message to Chaloner, which the latter received by 
the subconsciousness that is one of his claims to distinction. 

Chaloner came from his home at Cobham, Va., to-day 
especially to give this data to the Washington newspaper cor- 
respondents. 

The dead friend informed the author that for a while hell 
was what all preachers claimed for it. But he had finally 
"paid the piper" and was free from torment. 

Satan, he said, resembles Napoleon, in appearance, and 
holds his court in an auditorium room "miles long, miles wide 
and miles high, built of rubies the size of ordinary building 
bricks." Chaloner remarked that his correspondent had been 
a prominent New York Clubman and that he himself "did not 
believe a word" of the spirit message. 



73 

(Richmond (Va.) Leader, August 5, 1912. 

CHALONERS WEIRD DREAM LIKE DANTE'S MAS- 
TERPIECE ABOUT TERRORS OF HADES. 



Owner of "Merry Mills" Gives Out Interview Telling of 
Communication^ With Departed Friend. 



Going into Alexandria yesterday by prearranged appoint- 
ment, John Armstrong Chaloner, of "Merry Mills," Albemarle 
county, astounded his audience, a number of newspaper men, 
by making several statements of a weird character, among 
them being that he had recently been in communication with 
a departed friend, who told him all about that region whose 
terrors form the theme of D&nte's masterpiece. 

According to this friend, who communicated with Mr. 
Chaloner by that subconsciousness which is a gift of the 
latter, that place Hades is not so bad it has been painted. 

Mr. Chaloner gave a very vivid description of his vision 
of Hades. The description follows: 

A fiery throne. Upon said throne sits Satan. His fea- 
tures are precisely those of Napoleon Bonaparte at the apex 
of his power. In height he is considerably taller, but yet 
under six feet, and regarding weight, there is no surplusage 
of flesh. He is dressed in the costume of Michelangelo's 
statue, "The Thinker." 

The Hall of Audience (Hell) is an immense apartment, 
so huge as to be practically incomprehensible to mortal ideas 
of architecture. It is miles long, miles wide, and miles high. 
The hall is of rubies, and they are of the size, luster and fire 
of rubies known as "pigeon blood." 

In place of mortar binding the bricks and making a white 
Lne, we have diamonds as large as your thumb nail, and of 
the purest water. To soften and enrich the fiery effect of 
such splendor, the diamond line is broken every few inches 
by several inches of sapphires, as blue as the Mediterranean. 

The floor is of marble, that has the marvelous quality of 
being capable of taking on the tone of whatever stands upon 
it, or is reflected upon it, or flies over it. If a cherubim 
flies over the floor, the marble at once becomes tinged with 
blood. The roof is of crystal, so pure that the eye can pierce' 
it as if it were plate glass. 



74 
NAPOLEON. 

John Armstrong Chaloner, in his statement in Alexandria 
yesterday, relative to the message he got from his friend in 
Hades, alleged that Satan resembled Napoleon Bonaparte. 

The above brings to mind the theological deductions of 
an English preacher and writer named Baxter, who flooded 
the world with literature about a third of a century ago in 
efforts to induce people to believe that Napoleon or one of 
his family is the antichrist pictured in the thirteenth chap- 
ter of the Apocalypse. The preacher imagined that Napoleon 
III was destined to play havoc in this world by abolishing all 
semblance of religion. This worthy, however, paid the debt 
of nature in the early seventies when the preacher switched 
to his son, the Prince Imperial. The latter fell in the Zulu 
war, when Prince Pierre Napoleon, an unpopular member 
of the Napoleon family attracted the attention of Baxter. In 
time death visited Pierre, and the last of the family, Prince 
Victor, was fixed upon as the man who was to array himself 
in defiance of his creator. The latter, so far, has caused no 
stir in the world. 

The deductions of the theologian referred to above are 
curious and interesting. In the thirteenth chapter of the 
Book of Revelations the antichrist is given a mysterious num- 
ber — six hundred and sixty-six. It is one of the many biblical 
puzzles to the learned, although many not learned have 
imagined they have solved it. Some have played the part 
of Alexander and cut the knot, but it is still defying the 
penetration of all Bible readers. The English minister in 
his theory calls attention to the fact that when the Apoca- 
lypse was written, figures were not in use and letters were 
used as numerals. By spelling Napoleon in the dative case — 
Napoleonti — he made the Greek letters stand for 666. His 
etymology of the name is as follows: Napos, a thicket; leon, 
a lion. Hence Napoleon means "Lion of the thicket. " 

It is said that many Englishmen long after the body 
of the Corsican had reposed beneath the willows in St. 
Helena, believed he was still alive somewhere in the world. 
According to Chaloner, Napoleon resembles his Satanic 
Majesty, and he may be the scourge who. according to Scrip- 



7o 



ture, is to emerge from the bottomless pit to fulfill the fears 
of certain Britons. 



(Richmond (Va.) Virginian, August 5, 1912.) 
Iffi. CHALONER TAKES ELEVATOR "DOWN." 

Inspired by the assertions of Andrew Wilson, the scien- 
tific writer of the Illustrated London News, that none of the 
so-called mediums had ever succeeded in drawing from the 
spirit world any message giving real insight into the condi- 
tions there, or giving any great truth or fact, John Armstrong 
Chaloners "X-Facnlty," he he terms it, has succeeded in 
communicating with the shade of a decedent friend and draw- 
ing from him a very vivid description of the "under world." 

It has been testified on occasion that Mr. Chaloner is a 
medium — we have the word of no less an authority than the 
late Professor James — and when Mr. Chaloner tells us in 
unequivocal terms that he really went into a trance and re- 
ceived this alleged spirit message by means of automatism, 
we must take his word for it; for whatever else might be 
said, his veracity has never been called into question. We 
must also believe him when he says that he is a medium 
"against his will," and he doesn't believe a word of the 
stuff his own hand sub-consciously wrote. These two facts 
he sought to impress firmly upon the newspaper correspond- 
ents to whom he transmitted the mysterious "alleged" mes- 
sage from the spirit world yesterday; first, that he did not 
invent the communication, and, second, that he doesn't be- 
lieve in it himself. He was frank enough to declare that 
he did believe it was the invention of his "X-Faculty." The 
disclosures the spirit message pretends to reveal are too 
serious to be disclosed lightly, perhaps, and whether one 
believes in the spiritualistic cult or whether he be a scoffer, 
the communication itself, which we are printing this morn- 
ing, "makes mighty interestin' readin'." 



76 

(San Francisco (Cal.) Chronicle, August 6, 1912.) 

A NEW VISION OF HELL. 



Not a Bad Sort of a Place at All, According to Mr. Chaloner. 

It might be more reassuring for those interested in know- 
ing what sort of a place is reserved for the wicked after 
death if John Armstrong Chaloner had been permitted to 
describe more than merely the Audience Chamber of his 
Satanic Majesty. The picture which he gives us of this room, 
with its walls of rubies, diamonds and sapphires, is attrac- 
tive enough, yet doubt is allowed to linger as to the furnish- 
ings and other appurtenances of the living-rooms of the 
transient and permanent guests. 

The fact that Chaloners information came to him 
through "Graphic automatism" from the spirit of one Thomas 
Jefferson Miller, a former Confederate officer and member 
of the Manhattan Club of New York, will undoubtedly be 
considered by many persons as evidence of authenticity. Cer- 
tainly Miller, who was on the opposite side to General Sher- 
man, ought to know what Hell is, and as a New York club- 
man it is reasonable to assume that his present address is 
the correct one. 

According to the message which Chaloner gives the world 
from his former friend, the Infernal Eegions would seem to 
be a very tolerable place in which to live. At any rate, the 
precious stones which ornament the audience chamber of the 
Prince of Darkness would seem to give to that place very 
much the same aspect ascribed to heaven with its pearly gates 
and streets of gold. 

The floor of marble that has the quality of taking on the 
color of whatever stands upon or flies over it is another inter- 
esting touch in the vision. With cherubs and seraphs flitting 
back and forth, changing the color alternately to red and 
blue, a kaleidoscopic effect is no doubt produced that would 
be worth going far to see. 

It is disappointing not to be told more about this inter- 
esting place. The glimpse into the audience chamber, with 
Satan presiding and looking like Napoleon Bonaparte at 
the apex of his power, cries out for another and completer 



77 

picture. But perhaps Mr. Chaloner intends to give us this in 
time, even if he has to go there for it. 



John Armstrong Chaloner's vision of hell, with an audi- 
ence chamber built of rubies, diamonds and sapphires, is 
quite different from the picture Dante gave us. However, 
it may be a true one. It would be hell to see all these things 
and not be able to have anv of them. 



(Sacramento (Cal.) Bee, August 6, 1912.) 
PLENTY OF HELL ON EARTH FOE NEW YOKKEES. 

J. A. Chaloner, of Virginia, announces that while in a 
"subconscious" state he has received from Thomas Jefferson 
Miller, "a friend in Hell," a message that things are not so 
bad down there as is generally supposed ; and that as between 
Hell and Heaven it is all a matter of individual preference 
and inclination — or words to that effect. Of his own case, 
Miller says: 

I have had a very mild torture compared to many other 
persons in my walk of life; largely because I happened to 
be a truthful and moderately honest man by nature, and also 
largely because I had my share of Hell on earth in being a 
New Yorker of social standing, but no money. 

On the whole, this must be regarded as cheering informa- 
tion for many persons. 



(Boston (Mass.) Morning Globe, August 6, 19120 
HELL AND THE DEVIL. 

Right at the heels of the published opinion that there is 
no such place comes a sixteen-page, typewritten interview 
in which a disembodied spirit describes hell in detail and the 
monarch thereof to John Armstrong Chaloner, the former 
husband of Amelie Rives. 

His Satanic Majesty is pictured as of medium height, with 
the face of Napoleon Bonaparte at the apex of his power and 



78 

habiliments like those of Michaelangelo's statute, called "The 
Thinker/' 

Horns, mark 3^011, are not mentioned. 

Can it be that the Mephistopheles of our grand opera and 
tiie labels on our devilled ham constitute a criminal libel upon 
a person of really respectable appearance? 

The message declares that the throne room of the chief 
of the fallen angels has walls of rubies cemented with dia- 
monds and a marble floor which turns from brilliant red to 
the cerulean blue of an Italian sky whenever a seraph flies 
over. 

This taxes our credulity. 

Marble cracks and disintegrates when exposed to an in- 
tense heat. 

Far easier to believe is the final statement of the com- 
municating ghost that existence in the nether regions is fairly 
pleasant compared with living in New York with social stand- 
ing and no money. 



(Chicago (111.) Tribune, August 6, 1912.) 
VIA MR. CHALONER. 

Mr. John Armstrong Chaloner disarms the skeptical who 
would pooh-pooh his revelation of hell. Some one called the 
world over his wires and said Satan looked like Napoleon 
Bonaparte, that his residence was of marble, rubies and dia- 
monds, and that the place would be a relief to any man who 
had been trying to maintain a social position in New York 
without money. 

That's the message that came via Mr. John Armstrong 
Chaloner. As a medium he is neither skeptical nor credulous. 
A genuine medium is merely a cosmic telephone wire. Mr. 
Chaloner does not guarantee the good faith of the person 
on the other end. He thinks it was Thomas Jefferson Miller, 
but it may have been Artemus Ward, or Mark Twain, or 
William James, who said he would send back a message if 
there were any way of doing it. 

That hell would have no terrors for a man who had been 
broke in New Yor has been suspected — confidently declared 



79 

in some instances — and if Mr. Chaloner's message is confirma- 
tion of the idea it will cause no particular sensation. The 
most interesting part of the revelation is that Satan looks 
like Napoleon. That explains the notion prevailing in Eu- 
rope that the head devil was absent from his domain about 
1769 to 1821. 



(New York Telegraph, August 6, 1912,) 

Mr. Chaloner selected an appropriate season for receiv- 
ing his message from Gehenna. He was enabled to read it 
without waiting for it to cool. 



(Wayne (Ind.) Gazette, August 6, 1912.) 

John Armstrong Chaloner claims to have received a mes- 
sage direct from a friend in hell. It's a wise man that knows 
the habitat of his friends. 



(New York City Telegraph, August 6, 1912.) 

John Armstrong Chaloner, always interesting and some- 
times unique, has learned that "Satan is a gentleman." 
Hum — he has to be to get away with it. 



(Chippewa Falls (Wis.) Independent, August 7, 1912.) 

John Armstrong Chaloner has received a message from 
a departed friend stating "Hell is not such a bad place after 
all," which will no doubt be cheering news to some. 



(Albany (N. Y.) Press, August 7, 1912.) 
HOW SATAN LOOKS. 

John Armstrong Chaloner, the former husband of Amelie 
Rives, claims to have a sixteen-page typewritten interview in 
which a disembodied spirit describes Hades and the devil. His 
Satanic Majesty is described as of medium height and stocky 
build, with the face of Napoleon Bonaparte and habiliments 
like those of Michelangelo's statue, "The Thinker." Accord- 



80 



ing to Chaloner "s report. Satan has no horns. The beef trust 
will not hail this news with joy. It will now be necessary to 

change all the labels on deviled ham. 



(Charleston (S. C.) Courier, August 7, 1912.) 
John Armstrong Chaloner avers that he has had a mes- 
sage from hell. Some of his friends must be living in Texas. 



(Washington (Pa.) Record, August 7, 1912.) 
John Armstrong Chaloner. always interesting and some- 
times unique, has learned that "Satan is a gentleman." 
Hum — he has to be to get awav with it. 



(New Orleans (La.) states, August 8, 1912.) 
THE PASSIXG SHOTT. 

According to a spirit message. John Armstrong Chaloner 
has received from a former friend on earth, "the walls of hell 
are of rubies the size of building bricks, and the lustre and 
fire of rubies known as pigeon blood. In place of mortar 
binding the bricks and making a white line, we have diamonds 
as large as your thumb-nail and of the purest water. To soften 
and enrich the fiery effect of such splendor the diamond line 
is broken every few inches by sapphires as blue as the Medi- 
terranean." Persons who contemplate going to the place which 
baloner has so prettily described, should take with them a 
complete equipment of mining implements. 



(New York City Tribune. August 9, 1912.) 
John Armstrong Chaloner claims to have communicated 
with a New Yorker in hell. Kindly note that "New Yorker." 
—Columbia ( S. C.) State. 



(New Orleans (La.) States, August 9, 1912.) 
The message which John Armstrong Chaloner has re- 
ceived from a spirit -ays his Satanic Majesty is a gentleman 
who has strong Napoleonic features. This tends to strengthen 
the belief that we are right in thinking that some men we 
know look like the devil. 



81 



(Chicago (111.) Blade, August 10, 1912.) 
HELL IS NOT SO WARM. 



So Says Message to John Armstrong Chaloner. 



Friend Describes it for Him, but Author Finds it Hard to 

Believe— vS' at an Looks Like Napoleon and is Not 

Criticized by Former New Yorker. 



Washington, D. C, Aug. 8. — John Armstrong Chaloner, 
has disclosed to Washington newspaper correspondents a mes- 
sage he says he has received from the other world. The mes- 
sage, he asserts, comes from Thomas Jefferson Miller, a for- 
mer Confederate officer and member of the Manhattan Club 
of New York City. 

Gets Description of Satan. 

After informing the reporters that he did not believe in 
spiritualism, the former husband of Amelie Eives, the novel- 
ist, said he had got in touch with the spirit of Thomas Jef- 
ferson Miller, with whom he had been friendly when Miller 
was of this world. 

According to the message Miller admitted he had been 
bad enough on earth to merit more punishment that he had 
received, but considering his relief was probably due to the 
fact that he had had "his share of hell on earth, being a New 
Yorker with social standing and no money." 

The message described Satan as of medium height, with 
the face of Napoleon Bonaparte at the apex of his power,, 
and the habiliments of Michelangelo's statute, "The Thinker." 
His Satanic Majesty was seated on a throne in the center of 
an immense audience chamber. 

Chaloner acknowledges that he finds it difficult to believe 
these revelations, and he is offering them to the public "merely 
for what they are worth." 

1 

(San Francisco (Cal.) News, August 10, 1912.) 



Chaloner claims to have a personal message from hell, 
h 
stone. 



but he neglects to say whether or not it smelled of brim 



82 

(Bridgeport (Conn.) Post, August 1©, 1912.) 

We have it straight from John Armstrong Chaloner that 
"Satan is a gentleman." We'll take his word for it. 



(Columbia (S. C.) State, August 10, 1912.) 

John Armstrong Chaloner claims to have received a me* 
sage from hell. Didn't know that John had any Texas 
acquaintances. 



(Nashville (Tenn.) Tennessean, August 11, 1912.) 

John Armstrong Chaloner has undertaken to enlighten 
the world as to what the devil looks like. This is one subject 
on which we prefer to remain everlastingly in the dark. 



(New York HeraM, August 12, 1912.) 
ME. CHALOXEE TO TALK OX XOMIXEES. 



Hires a Hall in Richmond for Lecture Series and Invites 
Representatives of all Parties. 



Eichmond. Va.. Sunday. — John Armstrong Chaloner. who 
recently startled the country with a psychic message from 
Hades, which he said he had received from a friend who de- 
parted this life some years ago, has pronounced that he has 
rented a hall in Eichmond for a series of lectures. 

He will give the first lecture the first Wednesday night 
in September, and will have as his subject Presidential Can- 
didates. 

Invitations will be sent to twenty representative men 
r filiated with each of the four leading parties in Eichmond — 
Eepublican, Democratic, Progressive and Socialist. He will 
reserve spaces for prominent labor men. 

Mr. Chaloner proposes to give such lectures before the 
Xovember election. 



83 

(Norfolk (\*a.) Pilot, August 12, 1912.) 

CHALONER WILL DELIVER LECTURES. 



Rents Hall in Richmond — %h Discuss Presidential Candidates 

Wednesday. 



Richmond, Va., Aug. 11. — John Armstrong Chaloner, who 
recently startled the country with a psychic message from 
Hades, which he claimed to have received from a friend who 
departed this life some years ago, is out with another surprise. 

This time, he announces that he has rented a public hall 
in Richmond for a series of lectures, which promise to be as 
interesting and unique as anything he has yet sponsored. 

He will give the first lecture the first Wednesday night 
in September and will have as his subject the presidential 
candidates. He will discuss their qualifications for the office, 
and in so doing will be coldly remote, as he very aptly ex- 
pressed it tonight. In other words, he will handle his sub- 
ject purely from the standpoint of a law writer and student 
of current events and actions. 



(Cleveland (Ohio) Leader, August 12, 1912.) 

John Armstrong Chaloner claims to have communicated 
with a New Yorker in hell. But he fails to tell what ward 
of the metropolis he located him in. 



(South Norwalk (Conn.) Sentinel, August 12, 1912.) 
John Armstrong Chaloner, always interesting and some- 
times unique, has learned that "Satan is a gentleman." Hum — 
he has to be to get away with it. — New York Telegraph. 



(Chattanooga (Tenn.) Times, August 1§, 1912.) 
John Armstrong Chaloner says he has received a mes- 
sage from hell. Unfortunately, it was of a private nature 
and no light was thrown on opinion down there as to the 
Bull Moose platform. 



(Omaha (Neb.) Bee, August 13, 1912.) 
John Armstrong Chaloner's revised vision of Dante's In- 
ferno, bringing into view a picture of surpassing sweetness 



and light, afford- : issurance that the fall's output of po- 
liticial hot air will sweeten political terur. 



Smmbc Falls (S.D.) Press, August 13, 1912.) 
Hie contention :: the IntemationaJ Bible Students, th : 

there is no hell, goes a-glininiering now that Mr. John Arm- 
strong Chaloner'- message from the anting regions is : 

public. 



(Schenectady (X. Y.) Star, August 14, :i«l2.) 
John Armstrong Chaloner asserts th : he communicated 
with New Yorker in hell. The transplanted G th 

probably didn't feel any unusual chan^ 

(Richmond (Va.) Journal, Angnst 14, 1912.) 
With the Bible students" eifort : : lieate the present 
ideas of hell and John Armstrong Chalor-: - -ritualistic 
interview that it really exists in a not objectionable manner. 
I nte's Inferno must take a back ae : — 1 - ?kstone 



>:ringfield (ILL) Register. August 1-5. 1912.) 
John Armstrong Chaloner claims to have communic: : 
with a New Yorker in hell. But he fails to tell what ward 
: the metropolis he loe:.: this policeman in. 



llr^LZ'-ts IrZZ £; V AV.g"-5: 1". 1>1- 

_ Chaloner claims to have conim 
with - rker in hell. But he fails : tell w] 

r the : >polis he located him in. 



(Keokuk : August 15, 1912 

John Arms . haloner's re vised vision of I : In- 

ferno, bring:: inf of surpassing 

and light, affords no assurance that the fall's output of politi- 
rrten political tempt 



(Raleigh : : Observer, August 15, 1 "_ 
Jol: a loner makes announceme: 

a mighty warm pL 
at rig : he mercury doing the climb- 



85 

ing stunt. Let's hold it over till the ice-wagon is replaced 
by the coal cart. 



(New Orleans (La.) Times, August 18, 1912.) 
John Armstrong Chaloner claims to have communicated 
with a New Yorker in hell. But he fails to tell what ward 
of the metropolis he located him in. — Cleveland Leader. 



(Brockton (Mass.) Times, August 20, 1912.) 
John Armstrong Chaloner has undertaken to enlighten 
the world as to what the devil looks like. An}' office boy 
can tell us that, however, particularly on an afternoon when 
his request to get off for the ball game is refused. 



(Richmond Times-Dispatch, September 5, 1912.) 
CHALONER TALKS TO LABORING MEN. 



Sai/s Wilson Will Win. 



Chaperox for Coxgress. 



Would Have "Plain People" Send a Delegation to Washing- 
ton to Sit on Lid. 

For one hour by the clock last night John Armstrong 
Chaloner, millionaire master of "Merry Mills," addressed an 
audience which occupied every available foot of floor space 
in Thompson Hall, 20 East Broad Street. He stepped lightly 
to the candidacy of Theodore Roosevelt and "Woodrow Wil- 
son, dismissing these two worthies with only a passing refer- 
ence. 

The Roosevelt reference amounted only to an endorsement 
of his stand for the recall of judges. Of the Colonel's twin 
doctrine of the recall of judicial decisions, said Mr. Chaloner, 
he was by no means in favor, because "absolute justice in the 
inscrutable scheme of things was sometimes unattainable." 

The recall of judicial decisions, carried to its logical 
conclusion, said the master of "Merry Mills," would mean that 
in place of the trained careful mind of an upright and honest 
judge, whose only object in life is to dispense justice from 



86 

the bench, there would be substituted the — in said particular 
only — utterly untrained impulses of the populace. 

Thixks Wilson Wm Win. 

Although Mr. Chaloner. in his reference to TVoodrow 
Wilson, expressed the opinion that the Jersey man would 
win cut next November, he took him to task for signing, 
about a year ago. what he designated as a '•monstrously un- 
constitutional and anarchistic sterilization bill." 

"I shall simply say." said Mr, Chaloner. concluding his 
remarks upon the Governor of Xew Jersey, "that when Gov- 
ernor TToodrow TTilson is elected President of the United 
States — as I believe he will be — I trust that he will be sur- 
rounded by abler advisers than when, as Governor of Xew 
Jersey, he put his hand to such an infamous bill." 

The speaker took the audience by surprise when he 
stopped short in the middle of a sentence at the beginning 
of his Wilson reference and asked that the women in the 
audience retire for three minutes. The twenty women pres- 
ent withdrew, returning at the appointed time. 

Ma^s-Meetixg Clubs. 

One-half of Mr. Chaloner's address was devoted to the 
outlining of a scheme for the organization of what he called 
"Mass-Meetiug Clubs" in every city. town, county and voting 
precinct in the United States. 

Each State capital, under this plan, would have a Mass- 
Meeting Club composed of delegates from the clubs in the 
smaller State political units, and would, in turn, send two 
delegates to a 'National Mass-Meeting Club, which would sit 
in Washington during the sessions of Congress to "chaperon" 
that body and make known to it the wishes of the plain peo- 
ple in matters of legislation. 

The present meeting, said the speaker, was the initial 
effort in the realization of the plan. Until plans could be 
devised for financing the scheme of clubs, he said, he will 
assume himself all expenses incident to the Richmond meet- 
ings, which he proposed holding fortnightly from now until 
the end of the presidential campaign. He announced that 



87 

he will speak again on the evening of Wednesday, Septem- 
ber 18 and that he would uncork some "hot stuff." 

Scores "Silk- Stocking Brigade." 

In the course of his address, Mr. Chaloner found time 
to address himself scathingly to the "silk-stocking brigade," 
which he said was responsible for the great mass of national 
and political insincerity. 

"When young — at school or at college — the hearts of the 
silk-stocking brigade," said Mr. Chaloner, "being yet un- 
spoiled and uncorrupted by society and business life, are as 
sound, spontaneous and pure as the hearts of the plain peo- 
ple. But the trouble is that it doesn't last." 



(Richmond Virginian, September 5, 1912.) 

CHALONER WILL ORGANIZE CLUBS OYER COUN- 
TRY, BEGINNING IN CITY OF RICHMOND. 



Says Something About Candidates. 



Distinguished Citizen of Merry Mills Also Pays Respects' to 
Silk Stocking Brigade. 



Figuring for the first time — and unwillingly — in the role 
of public speaker, John Armstrong Chaloner last night un- 
folded to a curious audience in Thompson Hall the unique 
plan by which he hopes to accomplish the remedying of evils 
with which the people are afflicted by reason of sumptuary 
legislation. 

Mass-Meeting Clubs, which shall be "senates of the peo- 
ple," designed to preserve the "Absolute Rights of the Indi- 
vidual," with headquarters in the capital of every State in 
the Union and national headquarters at Washington, is the 
cherished ambition of the master of "The Merry Mills," and 
he announced that he proposed to hammer away at his idea 
with fortnightly meetings in Richmond until this nucleus of 
the nation-wide organization was able to stand alone. Then 
he would carry the work into other fields. 



88 

Requests Women to Leave. 

When Mr. Chaloner arrived — fifteen minutes late — he 
found a crowd of from two to three hundred, which included 
a dozen women, one of them an announced suffragette, await- 
ing him. He read his address from manuscript, and before 
he had proceeded far with it created much amusement among 
his audience by politely requesting that the ladies retire for 
just two minutes; at the end of that time he would be glad 
to have them return. This request came at the period when 
Mr. Chaloner had disposed of Colonel Roosevelt and was 
about to enter upon a protest against a measure which Gov- 
ernor Wilson had indorsed as Governor of Xew Jersey. When 
he concluded his reference to the Xew Jersey measure he 
asked that some one request the ladies to return "if they are 
still there." Six of them were and they filed back into the 
hall. One or two of the women expressed indignation at tlie 
request; and immediately left the building. Others took it 
philosophically, realizing that the meeting was intended for 
the sterner sex, and while the newspaper invitations extended 
an invitation to the ''general public,*' women were not speci- 
fied as is usual in such cases. The incident was evidently 
embarrassing to Mr. Chaloner. 

Mr. Chaloner touched briefly upon policies of Roosevelt 
and Wilson from the standpoint of constitutional law; took 
a fall out of the "silk-stocking brigade", hit the pension 
steal a hard lick, and expounded in detail and at length his 
plans for the formation of Mass-Meeting Clubs. 

Despite the insufferable atmosphere of the hall, his audi- 
ence gave him the closest attention and occasional applause, 
and when the address — which occupied nearly an hour in read- 
ing — was concluded about fifty pressed forward to shake his 
hand and procure tickets for the next meeting, many of them 
assuring Mr. Chaloner of their sympathy with the intention 
to support the Mass-Meeting Club plan. 

The Presidential Candidates. 

Coming to the matter of the presidential candidates from 
the "standpoint of constitutional law," Mr. Chaloner said : 

"I shall first take up the proposition of Colonel Theodore 
Roosevelt, concerning the recall of judicial decisions. 



89 

"Before touching that I shall say that I am in hearty 
accord with Colonel Roosevelt concerning the recall of judges. 

"Concerning the recall of judicial decisions, however, I 
cannot say that I am in accord with Colonel Roosevelt. 

"We occupy the earth. We are not yet inhabitants of 
either Eutopia, or Paradise. Such being the case, justice — 
the most enlightened possible justice in this world — is at times, 
alas, a choice between evils. By which I mean that just de- 
cisions, at times, work injustice, and hardship; and must do 
so, until the end of time, and the advent of the millennium; 
the sacl. but simple reason being that, apparently, absolute 
justice is meant — in the inscrutable scheme of things — to be 
sometimes unattainable. 

"Concerning the Sterilization Bill signed by Governor 
Woodrow Wilson about a year ago: 

"I shall preface my remarks by saying that I am some- 
what surprised that this important measure has not received 
more attention from the press. 

"Without the least desire to appear egotistical, it appears 
that I am about the only man in the United States who was 
struck with the ominous danger to the absolute rights of the 
individual, and bold defiance of clue process of law, lurking 
in said measure. 

"I, therefore, as a law writer, mindful of my oath — when 
admitted to the bar of New York over a quarter of a cen- 
tury ago — to protect the Constitution of the United States 
from attack by illegal legislation, for example — at once, the 
very same day that I saw that the governor had signed said 
measure, wrote to the New York Tribune — in which paper 
I had read said news item — protesting vigorously against 
Governor Wilson's said action. 

"When Governor Woodrow Wilson is elected President 
of the United States — as I believe he will be — I trust that 
he will be surrounded by abler advisers than when, as Gov- 
ernor of New Jersey, he put his hand to such an infamous 
bill." 

About Silk Stockings. 

Mr. Chaloner then paid his respects in no uncertain 
terms to the idle rich, or "silk stocking brigade," saying in 
part : 



90 

"The Richmond Yirginiari in announcing this course of 
addresses in its issue of August 12th, last, said : *Mr. Chaloner 
made it plain last night that the plain people were the ones 
he hoped to reach with his series of addresses, and to the 
plain people he extended a free and hearty welcome. The 
silk stocking brigade would oblige him by staying away." ' ; 

"When young — at school or at college — the hearts of the 
'silk stocking brigade' being yet unspoiled and uncorrupted 
by society and business life, are as sound, spontaneous and 
true as the hearts of the plain people. But the trouble is 
that it doesn't last. 

I am merely calling on my class knowledge — the ultimate 
experience I have had with all classes of men, rich and poor, 
good and bad, exemplary and criminal — gathered in a busy 
and studious life of fifty years' duration — in order to explain 
why I am not pla}dng to the gallery in my quoted remarks 
in 'The Eichmond Virginian] that 'the silk stocking brigade' 
would oblige me by staying away'." 

At this the speaker reiterated the fact that he intended 
to remain neutral in politics believing that nonpartisanship 
was essential to achieve the reform he had set out to accom- 
plish, and in detail explained to his audience his main pur- 
pose — the organization of "Mass-Meeting Clubs," he "said. 

I propose to inaugurate in time — it may take a life time — 
a Mass-Meeting Club in every large city and in every capi- 
tal of every State in this Union, including the capital of the 
United States, namely, Washington. The organization of all 
Mass-Meeting Clubs in all State capitals, or what I shall term 
Capital Mass-Meeting Clubs, would differ from all other Mass- 
Meeting Clubs in the following respect: 

The membership of the Capital Mass-Meeting Clubs — 
one in each State capital in the United States — of the forty- 
eight States, would include at least one representative from 
other Mass-Meeting Clubs in the State; so that when the 
legislature was in session here — for example — we should have 
with us, to aid us in our deliberations, brother members from 
all over the State. 

For my purpose is, not to confine Mass- Meeting Clubs to 
cities, but to spread out and capture the counties, townships, 
and voting precincts of every State in the Union. And thus 
take the real government of the country — the government of 



91 

the United States — out of the hands of politicians and place 
it where it belongs, namely, in the hands of the plain people 
of the United States in mass meeting assembled. 



(New York Herald, July 16, 1912.) 

A RESPECTFUL SUGGESTION. 

In setting aside a large part of his patrimony f for educa- 
tional purposes in the South, Mr. John Armstrong Chaloner 
has done a praiseworthy thing. If we may be permitted to 
offer a suggestion it will be that he devote a portion of his 
iroble endowment to a chair of English prose composition, 
to be filled by himself so long as he may be spared to a 
grateful nation. 

The rather florid style of rhetoric that still obtains south 
of Mason and Dixoms line was well adapted to the easy 
going days when people had time to enjoy the well rounded 
periods and glowing metaphors of literary dignity. The 
South has entered upon an age of energy and accomplish- 
ment that calls for terser forms of expression. 

Who in all this broad land is better fitted to teach the 
art of concise epigrammatic writing than the author of that 
model of brevity that flashed up from the Southland, a mes- 
sage of good cheer, rich in suggestion and surcharged with 
the sub-acid quality, "TvTkvs Looney Now?" 



tOne million dollars. 



HELL 

By 

JOHN AEMSTEONG CHALONEE. 

"The volume is a wonderful work as books go, and its 
title represents adequately its contents." — Eichmond, Vir- 
ginia, "News-Leader" October 28, 1912. 



"This last work of Mr. Chaloner is literature. 

John Milton has not got much in the way of word paint- 
ing on John Armstrong Chaloner and Thomas Jefferson Mil- 
ler, when they get together over the long distance. 

The author may rest assured that his book will be read." 
— Eichmond, Virginia, Evening Journal, October 30, 1912. 



9-2 



A MESSAGE FROM HELL. 

Jolin Armstrong Chaloner has just written a book en- 
titled '"1-1611/* which he declares is an account of his study 
in graphic-automatism. The book, which is dedicated to 
Dante. John Milton and John Bunyan, described as the 
author's "illustrious predecessors in this dread domain." tells 
in weird and picturesque language the experiences in Hell 
of one Miller, a former friend of the author, from whom Mr. 
Chalcner received the messages by means of what he calls 
The X-Faculty. Mr. Chaloner has opened up a new. if some- 
what red-hot. field of modern literature. — Richmond. Virginia. 
Times-Dispatch, October 30. 1912. 



The 

Infernal Comedy 



Canto One 



BY 

JOHN ARMSTRONG CHALONER 



"THE INFERNAL COMEDY" 



IN MEMORIAM DURANTE. 



The womb of Death and Hell will now unfold 

The awful secrets of their Mystery 

The upthrow will at times the blood run cold 

And make the reader curse this History. 

But fear or favour strangers are to me — 

The meek recorder of these dreadful things — 

I tell the story as 'twas told to me 

With blunt veracity the whole thing rings. 

As "Medium" — so-called — to me did come 

Across the Gulf of Death long-distance call 

From dear-loved friend who'd gone to his long home 

Who knew my number — rang me up — that's all. 

For those who treat me fair all's fair and well 

For those who don't the road runs straight to Hell. 



II 



By "automatic writing" did he weave 

A web as pictured as Penelope's 

Of deeds so dark stout hearts contracted heave 

When the mind's eye their blood and Hell-fire sees. 

I tell the story as 'twas told to me 

Telling the same with every — all reserve 

Giving and asking no credulity 

Save for the telling o't my meed of nerve. 

I'll let my friend Tom Miller speak for me — 

He tells the tale I turn same into rhyme — 

Continuing the Ancient History 

Called "Hell" which I did write once on a time. 

So far so good fair dames and sportsmen all 

I'll now proceed — and G — cl protect my "gall"! 



96 



III 



In "Hell" — writ by Tom Miller as is this — 

Save there his words in prose are straight set down — 

Twas shown that Satan is God's friend I wis 

His mighty right arm to protect His throne. 

That Sin Personified's another thing 

That Sin Personified's God's enemy 

Upon whose head anathema doth fling 

And 'twixt whom and Satan there's dread enmity. 

That Hell's heroic and a Paradise 

For brave romantic souls who follow war 

Other abodes there are for milder eyes 

And "twixt Hell and Sin's vast Kingdom there's grim war. 

That Satan reigns in Hell. God's deputy 

Cominof and sroins: as in Job we see. 



IV 



■' 'Artie 'f my boy. 'tis after many years — 
Five stricken years as I do make it out — 
That once again I ; calT the Vale of Tears 
On Hell's Long-Distance and thus hunt you out. 
My tale 111 take up where I did leave off 
Or. rather. I'll hark back to how souls land — 
The instant following their taking off — 
Upon the verge of this most awful strand. 
My landing was. you know, exceptional 
And straight to Satan's Bed-Chamber did go 
Thus exceptional was I to nearly all 
Who land upon this strand of dreadful woe. 
The reason was my lot on earth was fell 
I passing honest, hence I won in Hell." 



fOur Great-Grandfather — on the Distaff side — the late William B. 
Astor, of New York — gave us that name as being the only diminutive 
possible fcr "Armstrong." Me being a college chum of Schopenhauer, 
being logical — if nothing else. Thomas Jefferson Miller evidently 
prefers the stricter etymology of "Artie" to "Archie," when communi- 
cating Under the auspices of the Muse — the latter being a distillation 
from "Armstrong" which has nothing etymological in it, and was 
merely the haphazard attempt of an infant relative to pronounce 
"Armstrong." 



97 



"And other reasons, too, mysterious 

Which need not here be entered on at all 

Twould make my story seem too devious 

Too deep replete with bitterness and gall. 

So let it go for what it's widely worth 

And open now thine alabaster ear — 

Thine ear was shapely and cool pink on earth — 

Lend it me now my dreadful words to hear. 

In Satan's Chamber there's an Oeil de Boeuf 

Which doth command all Hell — her vast expanse — 

From Torture- Chambers where Fiends 'cut up' rough 

To flowery P'leasance where sweet Fairies dance. 

To's Chamber from my penitential cell 

I monthly came — the sight did pay me well." 



VI 



"111 take a soul when it arrives in Hell - 

A man's grim soul — fair woman's later on — 

And what said soul goes through viridic tell — 

On earth my record was a truthful one. 

But bear in mind I do not tell it all 

Some things there be are draped in mystery 

Which can't be told till flesh from soul doth fall 

And face to face the soul its Judge doth see. 

But these are things beyond the reach of man 

He couldn't guess them in a million years. 

So — believe me — the Hell I'll bid you scan 

Will satisfy your doubts if not — your fears. 

"Mow brace yourself my friend — call up your nerve 

None but the coldest chilled steel now may serve!" 



98 



VII 



"I saw a Judgment Hall before me rise 
Rich draped in ruby red — the ceiling gold 
Much like unto our earthly Courts in size 
Save that the air thereof was rich not cold. 
Upon the bench a figure dread did sit 
In antique Roman armour clad was he 
A red paludament did drape o'er it 
His sword hilt peeped beneath it brilliantly. 
Such face on earth I never, never saw 
So stern — so awful in its majesty 
Severe inflexibility sans flaw 
Justice's enfeatured self did meet mine eye! 
Alone upon that awful bench sat he 
Imperial in his awful majesty." 

VIII 

"Beside the dock stood a Centurian 

Armed at all points and leaning on his spear 

Th' expression that his lean shaved face had on 

Was one to chill the stoutest heart with fear. 

No other beings were there in this Hall 

Whose utter silence almost could be felt 

A silence that the bravest would appal — 

If to that Judge in suppliance they knelt. 

Sudden a pon'drous door that faced the bench 

Did open with a sullen sombre clang 

As unseen hands the might}' knob did wrench 

Admitted guarded soul then closed with bang. 

A naked man betwixt two soldiers grim 

Then slowly crossed the Hall — clothed but in 's skin." 



99 



IX 



"His Majesty Satanic had been pleased 

To name a day when one of our club-friends — 

'Manhattan' Club — from the flesh was released 

And was — in consequence — on his beam ends. 

Being a sailor I employ that term 

To paint a man in case most desperate 

A state of facts that doth contain no germ 

Of safety — in which none is situate. 

Egotist, liar and a hypocrite 

His very common faults lump-summed up were — 

Outside of that a gentleman polite 

Who never orwe in Fashion's Code did err. 

You hated him. I wish you'd seen his face 

When he that marble bench and Jud^e did face." 



"The two soldiers grim into the marble dock 
Escorted our swell friend of former years 
And once within the gate itself did lock — 
The soldiers at each side leaned on their spears. 
The awful Judge then slowly turned his head — 
His eyes before had gazed on vacancy — 
And gazed upon the trembling recent-dead 
With a gaze it chilled my very soul to see. 
It was as though a knife shot from his eyes 
And pierced the heart's core of the looked-upon 
A gaze ice-cold, immune to all surprise 
A gaze that conjured up the Book of Doom. 
The sinner's knees gave way and down he fell 
All of a heap, inert, mixed up, pell mell!" 



100 



XI 



"The Judge then sounded on a golden gong — 

A glistening disc of gold hung by his hand — 

When a small door to's right swift open swung 

And entered in a female fair and bland. 

This maiden garbed was as is a Nun 

Save that her head-dress showed her lustrous hair 

Her face my eyes did ravished gaze upon 

I never in my life saw one so fair. 

Upon her arm she bore a mantle soft 

A vial and a glass were in her hand 

The soldiers raised the sinner straight aloft 

And mantle o'er him threw when he did stand. 

The maid th' elixir then raised to his lips 

Tipping it with her rosy finger tips." 



XII 



"The magic liquor coursed down his throat 
And swift the sinner's senses did revive. 
Whilst his 'mazed e}^es did on the maiden gloat 
An 'attitude' he aimed to contrive. 
For he pursued the sex when on the earth 
And widely as a 'masher' known was he 
And as of the 'long green' t he knew no dearth 
For lust he was a 'spender* — spender free! 
The Judge took in this little comedy 
Although his iron face gave ne'er a sign 
The soldiers too looked on in irony 
Thinking upon his pending pains condign. 
The maiden with serene indifference 
Resumed the vial and departed thence." 



fGreenbacks. 



101 



XIII 

u The small door closed softly after her 
Whereon the sinner's face did sadly fall 
And he heaved a sigh as from a sepulchre 
Shuddered, and round him closely drew his pall. 
Once more the Judge turned on him his dread gaze 
And coldly measured him from top to toe 
The gaze this time the sinner did not 'faze' 
Th' elixir magical did buoy him so. 
But as he gazed the sinner felt a chill 
Creep slowly down his spine and raise his hair 
It conjured up the phrase re 'looks that kill 5 
Of pending danger made him swift aware. 
He braced himself against the Judge' grim word 
And well he might — for this is what he heard." 



XIV 



" 'Sinner give ear unto my final words. 

The sins thou'st done on earth shall straight begin 

Upon that screen — as actors on the boards — 

As they were done in life to whirl and spin. 

The maids thou hast seduced thou'lt there seduce — 

The deed as done on earth thou'lt there do o'er 

The crimes which lovely maidens did reduce 

Unto the frightful status of a . 

Each kiss thou gavest shalt thou give again 
And each caress and stroke of stealthy lust 
Each sundry gesture made, there view with pain 
Nor miss an attitude — for look thou must. 
Thou mayest sit. Thy limbs would fail thee sure 
When thou dost witness thy fell acts impure.' r 



102 



XY 



'•The brazen tones that rolled athwart his lips — 

Not loud but hard and resonant as brass — 

Could scarcely wound more had they barbed tips 

And through the sinner's beating heart did pass. 

Scarce had dread silence settled in their wake 

Than on a screen across the Judgment Hall 

A sight appeared which made the sinner quake — 

Nought but his sitting posture saved a fall. 

A maiden and himself he there did see 

In semblance like as life — life's colours — all! 

Sitting beneath a low umbrageous tree 

A maiden whom he lured unto her fall. 

He made to turn away but felt a spear 

Held by each soldier hard upon each ear." 

XVI 

u He groaned aloud as the scene did progress 

Started to raise his hands to shade his eyes 

When two sharp spear points did those hands caress 

But yet did not draw blood — to his surprise. 

As all the act of love was there portrayed — 

The sacred act no eye may gaze upon — 

His breath came short as he grew dread dismayed 

And in his anguish leaned the spears upon! 

Their points did pierce his flesh but no blood came 

Their points were torture but less than the sight 

Of his unutterate and nameless shame 

At sight that seemed his very sight to blight. 

He groaned and sobbed and from his eyes shot tears 

Which stung his cheek as did his arms the spears." 



103 



XVII 

u No sooner was this scene in anguish viewed 

Than fell adultery shot on the screen 

And in a scene with treachery imbued 

He debauched the wife of one whose friend he'd been. 

In sinister procession then went on 

Each act of selfishness through lust he'd done 

Perforce of spears each act he looked upon 

Nor missed a posture — not a single one. 

His other vices then did troop in view — 

Mendacity and foul Hypocrisy — 

Full many a lie and act did he then rue 

Thrown on the screen for Judge and him to see. 

In less time than it takes the thing to tell 

He felt assured his place was right in Hell." 

XVIII 

"And when at last this suffering was o'er 

He looked upon the Judge — the Judge on him — 

And then began to suffer even more 

On thinking what he'd pay for this his sin — 

Something akin to pity in the eye 

Of his most awful vis-a-vis he gleaned 

And from his bosom heaved a mighty sigh 

And on his storm-tossed soul some faint hope beamed. 

The Judge — who saw these signs — encouraged them 

Unbent his awful brows and almost smiled — 

At all events did lighten his grim phlegm 

And seemed by pity for the nonce beguiled. 

The sinner upward shot his first short prayer 

Of which Recording Angel was aware." 



104 



XTX 

'"The Judge began in tones metallic-hard — 

'Sinner. tuy ' :.. I u " lei-ree t: thee. 

Upon the wheel till :: jken - a shard 

Thou shalt revolve and writhe in agony. 

Two rawny Fiends with rm Ilets of chilled steel 

Shall bray thy ribs nd arms, thy lim i s in 1 thighs 

Shall break and rend till thou hast ceased to feel 

Till Lush in agony yells, groans and sighs. 

This lone >ne hundred years in penance dire 

In penitential fast varied with pain 

Till purged are thy foul sins in Hell's own hre 

Lo ! I nave spoken. Further words are vain." 

He rose and stalked thro' a :1 : w vt's rear 

Leaving the sinner paralyzed by fear." 



XX 



"The stern Centurian then roused him 
And rose : : from leaning on his spear 

Stroke! with his horny hand his shaven chin 
And said in tones metallic — trumpet clear — 
'Soldiers to work — and rouse that sinner there 

The dog has had his day — Hell now has her's. 
The Judge 'threw i-to him' a v. re::-.- =care 
He always does when le ling with such curs. 

The scare he's had is not a eirenmstance 

To the scare he will have when he doth see 

The Fiends of Vengeance round him dance and prance 

Before they start him forth his weird to dree. 

When ye attain the grade Centurion 

Ye'll marvel at the sisrhts mv eves sraze on.' 



105 



XXI 



"The soldiers stiffened, then gave the salute 

Mounted the dock and seized the prisoner 

All huddled in a mass, inert and mute 

And straightway shook him to — both then and there. 

He rolled his eyes in agony around 

He gasped and moved his lips in vacancy 

His senses numb and foggy as a swound 

His thoughts chaotic as in infancy. 

The soldiers swiftly pulled him on his feet 

And thrust their shoulders underneath each arm 

Thus boosting him along with steps full fleet 

But at the same time doing him no harm. 

At said small door they touched a silver bell 

A silvery voice said: 'Enter. All is well'." 

XXII 

"The door swung open and the soldiers paused 

Upon the threshold — bending rev'rently. 

This act in them unusual was caused 

By the sweet maiden in her dignity. 

'I thank thee, soldiers 7 — said she in that voice 

As sweet as water falling in one's sleep 

In which the tones as rich as they were choice 

Were varied as the murmurs of the deep — 

4 I thank thee, soldiers, for thy courtesy 

In bringing to me thus the new-arrived 

Whom I assure will look less piteously 

Once at my hands he has been duly shrived.' 

The soldiers pushed him in. The door swung to. 

The three then left the Court sans more to do." 



106 



XXIII 

"The sinner drew his first un straitened breath 

As his dazed eyes gazed on this lovely Nun. 

And felt as though he'd 'scaped the jaws of Death 

As her entrancing face he gazed upon. 

Expert in beauty he did swift take in 

The wondrous beauty of the face he saw 

How like to alabaster was her skin 

The pink therein all matchless — sans all flaw. 

The lips were full as they were beautiful 

And delicate as they were rosy red 

But o'er them hung a shadow sorrowful 

As one in love, deep loveth one — long dead. 

Her eyes glowed 'neath her brows like two grey stars 

Which have lit battlefields at night — grim Mars." 

XXIV 

"Her figure full as it was virginal 

Showed her round bust by girdle at the waist. 

Lissome and willowy and somewhat tall 

The air of her as mountain ice was chaste. 

The sinner heaved a deep and piteous sigh — 

As sad as wind across a wintry sea — 

As this pure beauty met his wanton eye — 

This chastity his bestiality. 

He sighed and blushed and sighed then groaned aloud 

Then dropped upon his knees as tho' shot dead 

And kissed her garment's hem as 'twere her shroud 

Then hushed him as in presence of the dead. 

The maiden nothing said and nothing did 

Save — 'fore her eyes — a tear stood on each lid." 



107 



XXV 

"Slowly the sinner rose upon his feet 

Then bowed his head in all humility. 

The Nun then said in voice as music sweet 

'Spite of thy doom I may encourage thee' — 

The sinner started at th' unlooked for words — 

The maiden raised her finger warningly. 

4 Beware!' she said 'for my hint dread accords 

With toil and pangs will wring the heart of thee.' 

As sudden frost kills flowers in a night 

These dreadful words the sinner's heart did chill 

And filled his very soul with deadly fright 

And in an instant new-born hope did kill. 

1 'Courage! I did but caution thee' she said 

''Justice*, HeTl rules. And God is overhead.' " 

XXVI 

" 'Now follow me and I shall lead the way 
Unto the quarters due allotted thee. 
Which same thou wilt inhabit many a day 
Until — thy penance done — thou shalt be free.' 
She spake and glided onward as in a dream 
Almost sans motion one sees figures move 
As noiseless as a leaf floats on a stream 
As graceful in her poise as hov'ring dove. 
A sombre corridor they traversed 
Hewn from black marble interlined with gold 
And thereupon a wide cell entered 
Built of white marble full as chaste as cold. 
A cushioned marble bench she sat upon 
And motioned the sinner to a second one." 



108 



XXVII 

"An iron pallet in a corner stood 

With ample drapery in place thereon 

At's head hung a Monk's garb — the gown and hood — 

At sight of which he scarce repressed a frown. 

She saw the frown but let the action pass. 

A table with some books stood near at hand 

Ith 5 corner, basin, ewer and a glassf 

A chair, and chest, too, were at his command. 

A door ajar showed him a marble pool 

Sufficient deep and long some strokes t'accord 

His heart since mounting penitential stool 

Here first gave birth unto a sunny chord. 

Bars of pure gold did arm each window sill 

And hope of all escape did instant kill." 

XXYIII 

" 'Xow our first lesson shall I now begin' 

The maiden said and smiled bewitchingly. 

'I am thy teacher all the time thou'rt in* — 

'A hundred hundred years!* He gasped beseechingly. 

'A hundred years' she smilingly replied. 

'Time's nothing to us here — ice grow not old' — 

Here — since his death — for tlr first time he gay cried 

T understand thy point — I make so bold.' 

The maiden smiled and bowed gracefully 

'Hell hath her charms — when once "thy bit" thou'st done. 

Thou'st no conception how the years roll by 

And how — tho' yet in Hell — there may'st be fun. 

Hell — of all places — thou in time wilt find — 

Of all and sundry — is the most maligned'." 



fLooking-glass. 



109 



XXIX 

''God is the God of love and not of hate. 

He sends his rain on just- and the unjust — 

From time to time I aphorism state 

From time to time because — I simply must. 

You see the secret of all life in Hel] 

Is hid in just one word — one little word. 

You'll laugh when I to thee the word shall tell 

For 'tis so simple that 'tis just absurd. 

The word is: "Thought" — Ha! Ha! I see thee start — 

The sinner started had and turned dead pale 

And on his brow the sweat in beads did start 

He cowered on his bench — he e'en did quail. 

*My God! My God!' he cried 'my whole life long 

To stifle thought was th' burden of my song'/' 

XXX 

" ; And that is why we women find that Hell 

Is far less hot than it is said to be. 

Because if I to thee the truth must tell 

We women think far, far, far more than thee! 

From when we're tiny tots we're taught to think 

Lest from our mouths should pop some naughty word — 

Not gross of course — but to make Grundy blink — 

Naught coarse, of course, but something plump absurd. 

This "totine" training makes us by and by 

Look sharp as weasels at the words we use. 

And erej-j word we weigh, and dust and try 

To make full sure the word can't bring abuse. 

In other words we think from morn till night 

Not on high lines perhaps, but what is right'." 



110 



XXXI 

" 'Whereas you men despise the name of thought — 
You'd rather walk a mile than think a minute — 
Unless to think ye have been duly, bought 
Unless ye: think because "there's money in it." 
Hence, when ye get to Hell ye 're in despair 
For "thought" is here the crowning word of all 
It floats serenely on the very air 
'Tis sword and buckler against Hell her gall. 
Therefore, fair sir, I'll straight teach thee to think 
To think on lines of logic — sound and hard — 
The effort now would cause thine eyes to blink 
But in good time thou 'It play the winning card. 
One hundred years gives thee time to turn round 
And say — at last — "The secret I have found." " 

XXXII 

"The newcomer then fixed his eye on her 
And murmured in a maze: 'One hundred years P 
Then with a start cried out : 'By Jupiter ! 
The time for preparation soothes my fears!' 
The maiden swift replied: 'You're very right' — 
For time is everything in Hell you'll find. 
By time you train your sinews for the fight 
By time you train the powers of your mind. 
When you are ready for the great essay 
When to the wheel you do with pride advance 
You then the role of hero stern will play 
And glory that you have the dreadful chance. 
For as you rule the powers of your mind 
Just so' from torture full relief you!ll find." 



Ill 



XXXIII 

" 'The Scriptures give one picture sole of Hell — 
The one where Dives in the throes is seen — 
Where — by the way — Dives plays his part well 
And better than his play could not have teen. 
He first did follow Nature's mighty law — 
Self-preservation did he full pursue. 
Then when he found that his "attack" held flaw 
Prayers for his brothers then did swift ensue. 
Herein doth lie the complete key to Hell 
Think first far thyself: next for others strive — 
In speaking thus I thus the story tell 
Thus doing thou dost save thy soul alive,' 
The newcomer drank in her every word 
And thought: 'This is my job — howe'er absurd'." 

XXXIV 

'' 'So now, fair sir, this talk draws to an end 

I must leave thee to ponder on my words 

Bearing in mind in me thou hast a friend 

Whose aim — to save thy soul — with thine accords.' 

Thus speaking she did rise with dignity 

And towards the newcomer extend her hand 

Which he did grasp with Passion's rhapsody 

Which she sustained with calm and aspect bland. 

She said: 'I leave thee now for thirty days 

At end of which again shall I appear 

To further lecture thee upon the ways 

That spell salvation, and thy soul win clear. 

Farewell. And hear in mind there is a God 

To Whom all things in Hell bow — to Whose nod\" 



112 



XXXV 

"Thv.s speaking did she float swift from the cell 

Or seemed to float so lightly did she move. 

The new-arrived encircled by her spell 

Muttered t 'himself : 'That creature do I love.' 

He then did heave a devastating sigh 

A sigh t'iat seemed his very lungs to crack 

Then brushed away a tear from either eye 

And th«-n reclined at ease upon his back. 

Thus gazing at the ceiling of the cell 

A voice broke on his ear — deep and sonore — 

'How likest thou thy first view, sir, of Hell 

I trust it is not one unbroken bore.' 

The new-arrived rose swiftly to his feet 

And glanced about in hopes this male to meet." 

XXXVI 

" 'You'll look in vain for me — my worthy sir 

I am a voice — a voice and nothing more — 

I supplement the future work of her 

Whose lovely form has just passed through that door. 

I am thy conscience speaking loud to thee — 

That conscience which hath whispered all in vain 

That conscience thou didst slur so shamelessly — 

You threw me out out here I ami again! 

And here, my friend, I have thee "dead-to-rights" — 

Stooping forth' nonce to the vernacular — 

As dead as "John L."f had his man in's fights 

Those knock-out bouts so rare-spectacular. 

"Thy name is Denis"J now, my friend, trust me 

For I see thee, but me thou cans't not see'." 



fJohn L. Sullivan. 

$A slang phrase of twenty years ago signifying that a man had 
"lost out." 



113 



XXXVII 

"The new arrived gazed round him in amaze. 

His hair stood straight on end — the sweat burst out — 

His eyes stood out as in galvanic gaze 

He felt he knew not what he was about. 

Sudden he felt himself seized by the throat 

In grip of steel that shut his icindpipe off 

And for his life he would not give a groat 

And felt he'd met a second taking-off. 

The very instant this idea occurred 

The pressure instantly was swift relaxed 

And he sucked air so hard, to say a word 

His whole mentality had been sore taxed. 

He gasped and panted like a hard-run dog 

Then fell back on his back still as a log." 

XXXVIII 

"The bench he lay on was full three feet broad 
And its thick cushion rested him full deep 
He closed his eyes and looked no more abroad 
And in a little while was fast asleep. 
How long he'd slept he knew not when a start 
Convulsed his very soul with terror dread 
Clutched with convulsive hand his beating heart 
And once more raised each hair upon his head. 
He felt an awful 'presence' in the cell 
Something he knew not what that chilled his soul 
An odour damp of tombs he 'gan to smell 
And felt once more he stood upon Death's goal. 
The awful presence then drew on more near 
Rousing in him an ecstasy of fear.*"' 



114 



u He rose convulsively upon his feet. 
His parched tongue clave to his mouth's dry roof 
His eyes seemed scorching with a fiery heat 
His heart-beats struck as though each bore a hoof. 
This tension final snapped in a yell 
The like of which his ears had never heard 
It seemed to him its peal would rouse all Hell- 
He yelled and yelled but uttered not a word. 
The awful presence still drew on more near. 
He seemed to hear the rustle of a pall 
He listened and it came distinct and clear 
In silence which could have heard a pin fall. 
Once more he did emit a ghastly yell 
Then in a dead-faint on his face he fell." 

XL 

"How long he lay thus he did never know. 

After a time he came his senses to 

Oppressed by a mountains weight of woe 

And dread as to what next he must pass thro'. 

He rose unto his feet then sat him down 

Upon his 'mourner's bench' and groaned aloud 

As he recalled the cause of's recent swoon 

The awful presence with its ghastly shroud. 

His weary head he rested on his hand 

Supported by his elbow on his knee 

He felt so weak he was afraid to stand 

Deep dreading what the next foul fright would be. 

'No more today*— then said the Voice sonore 

'I rest in hope that Hell doth not thee bore'." 



115 



XLI 

"'Me bore!' cried out our friend exasperate — 

-But comforted to hear e'en ghostly voice — 

'For throwing scares into one Hell's first rate 

A nonpareil — leaving no second choice!' 

'I'm pleased thou art not bored'; the Voice then said. 

'Boredum dulls th' edge of hospitality 

Boredum and Hell are two things never wed 

The one thing Hell lacks n-otfs — vitality. 

Hast thou a mind to dine before too long? 

Your dinner will be richer than you think 

And while you dine your ear '11 be joyed by song 

And lovely sights will make thy scared eyes blink. 

For you must know that Satan, Lord of Hell 

Treats all his visitors surpassing well'." 

XLII 

"111 not take time to paint the ecstasy 

These words brought to our friend's most storm-tossed soul 

Suffice to say his face was sight to see 

'Twas that of wanderer who's made his goal. 

'Perform ablution and then follow me. 

A plunge will do thy tortured soul much good. 

And think meanwhile on what thou soon shalt see 

And on thy viands — Hell's au fait in food.' 

The new-arrived then hied him to the pool 

And shed his pall and plunged head-first in 

Exulting in its limpid waters cool 

Which like smooth satin did caress his skin. 

He took three strokes then floated on his back 

And thought: 'Variety in Hell's no lack'." 



116 



XLIII 

(, He found a bath-towel handy and it used 

Then donned his monkish garb with wry grimace. 

His smile was half contemptuous half amused 

Thought — if they saw him — on his Club friend's face. 

He found new brush and comb of hrst-rate make 

The same he plied with care and solemn zeal 

Before the glass and got his hair in shape — 

So much so. like himself he 'gan to feel. 

'Xow follow me my friend and have no fear' — 

Thus spake the Voice— *Thy strife today is o'er. 

Banish from out thy mind all hint of care 

And on Hope's pinions let thy spirit soar ! 

As guest of his Imperial Majesty — 

As Satan's guest- -thy soul should be care free'." 

XLIV 

; * 'Know that our princely King and Emperor — 

That Satan — King and Emperor of Hell — 

Is guide and friend o' tliumblest newcomer 

To all and sundry Satan wisheth well. 

Of course the piper each must frankly pay — 

"Vengeance is mine. I will repay" saith God — 

For each side-step fro'th' straight and narrow way 

For each delinquency above the sod. 

But that once done the future is thine own 

The piper paid — the future is all gold 

After the sweat and blood and soul-wrenched groan 

The splendours of H ell's lire can scarce he tol.d\ 

So let the prospect cheer thee, sir and friend 

And know that as on earth trouble hath end'. ,, 



117 



XLV 

" 'We now may start. On passing thro' thy door 

Turn to thy right and do as I direct. 

Thou there shalt find a marble corridor 

Of palest pink. This warning ne'er neglect. 

Look neither to thy right nor to thy left 

But keep thine eyes severely on the ground 

Continue till of colour 'tis bereft 

And nought but pure white marble may be found. 

Follow this colour till it turns to green — 

A green translucent like to cresting wave. — 

When looking up a portal may be seen 

Strike bold the knocker and an entrance crave. 

On entering thou wilt be shown thy seat 

Raise not thine eyes till then I stern repeatf" 

XL VI 

"Our friend thus cautioned wended on his way 

Nor once his eyes did raise from oiT the ground 

Which he did find just as the Voice did say 

And when he did look up a door he found. 

A door like that of a Cathedral old 

Carved marble stained by time a misty grey 

Its knocker — a huge human hand in gold — 

The new- arrived let fall as th' Voice did say. 

A peal as hollow as a funeral knell 

Struck on his startled ear a dismal clang 

A boom as heavy as a huge Church-bell 

Shot from the mighty knocker's raucous bang. 

A solemn voice within said: 'Who is here?' 

The Voice spake for him : 'One who craves thy cheer'." 



116 



XL VII 

"The mighty door swung open without sound 
And closed upon him then as silently. 
"VYhereat the new-arrived did glance around 
No sooner done than no one did he see. 
He saw a vast and lofty Banquet-Hall 
Arranged with tables its vast entire length 
Richly bedecked as for a festival 
Loaded with plate and wines of richest strength. 
2so viands on the board did yet appear. 
He stood at ease and waited the next move 
When an enraptured sound smote on his ear 
As love-lorn as the cooing of wood-dove. 
Great tears of ecstasy sprang to his eyes 
At this mellifluous and wild surprise." 

XL VIII 

"The female voices floated down the Hall — 

A mighty chorus with stringed instruments — 

The Opera it instant did recall 

But by these tones its tones were rudiment-. 

Xeer had he heard such music in his life — 

And ear well trained in music eke had he — 

Such ecstasy of counterpointal strife 

Such harmony of Music's witchery. 

The voices rose like winds that lash the main 

Or strip a virgin forest of its limbs 

Then like hushed waves they sobbed a soft refrain 

Which lulled the soul as heard-at-evening hymns. 

He stood enraptured — like one in a trance 

In perfect bliss — nought could his joy enhance." 



119 



XLIX 

"Sudden a mighty portal opened wide 

And down the Hall a mighty Concourse came 

Garbed as himself their Monkish weeds did hide 

Wounds that did make them crippled, halt, and maim. 

The Voice low at his ear said: 'These same men 

Are brothers in adversity to thee 

What they've gone through hath ne'er been writ by pen 

Nor told by tongue — nor yet did eye e'er see. 

What they've gone through in time must thou go through 

And suffer as" thou seest them suffer here 

But if sd be to thyself thou art true 

Thou'lt rise triumphant — on that have no fear. 

These thou seest here pertain to Christendom 

Other religions to this zone ne'er come'." 



" 'Each nationality is by itself 

Each County and each Town group with their own 

Ranked as they were in life — by birth or pelf 

Thus none in Hell are asked to stand alone. 

Some friends thou'lt find — both friends and comrades true — 

Thy place is straight reserved amidst them — 

"Manhattan" 7 Clubmen — a most jovial crew — 

They'll be rejoiced to see thee once again. 

They're grouped today at this first table's end 

Stand by a plate and wait their coming there. 

To their advice thy strict adherence lend 

Then of the future thou need'st have no fear.' 

The new-arrived — his eyes ablaze with joy 

Strode towards his seat — as happy as a boy." 



120 



LI 



''The mighty throng advanced at a slow pace 
Their crippled state prevented ought of speed. 
He saw that Pain was seated on each face 
That Suffering therein had her full meed. 
A deadly fear assaulted straight his heart 
In thinking that these men portrayed his fate. 
It came upon him with a sudden start 
None the less poignant in that it was late. 
He pulled himself together out of pride 
Flor fear his ancient comrades would it mark 
And for his lack of courage him deride 
Since after all he did not fear a mark. 
With mighty effort he assumed a smile — 
That of Societv — with all its smile." 



LII 



"The leaders by this time were near at hand. 

The face of each he 'gan with vim to scan. 

He caught a chair — or he had failed to stand — 

When he encountered that of the first man. 

It was a Judge of high and wide renown 

Learned and upright as a ramrod he 

Who seldom wore the dark Judicial frown 

For he was known for geniality. 

Above the sod he'd known his Honour well 

And with him at the Club had oft plaved pool 

His horror hence at finding him in Hell 

And so cut up was something far from cool. 

The Judge o^azed on him with an awful eye 

That seemed to say: 'Ask me not how nor why'!" 



121 



LIII 



"Our friend — whose tact was vast — said not a word 

But bowed and smiled as he had been on earth. 

This in the Judge struck sympathetic chord — 

Of friendly manner had he ne'er shown dearth. 

Our friend then glanced beyond — and wild amaze 

Did hold him rigid as a statue cold 

Whose fearful shock his nerve did nearly 'faze' — 

It was a Bishop — if truth must be told! 

A Bishop in his Church — Episcopal — 

Of fame so lily-white and sacrosanct 

That for an Angel he seemed formed as 'pal' 

And all who failed to worship w T ere thought 'cranked.' 

'Whafs coming next /' Our friend in horror thought 

'Who'd ever thought his Rev'rence could be caught'!" 

LIV 

"With l Pax Vobiscurri 1 air the priest came on — 
Deeply embarrassed — but he passed it off — 
Saying in steady tones: 'How is my son?' 
And then fell back upon a nervous cough. 
Our friend just bowed and smiled as heretofore 
'Silence is golden' — thought he — 'e'en in Hell. 
I'd give stout sum to know what he's here for — 
Whate'er it be I'm "dead sure" he won't tell!' 
And then appeared a Roman Cardinal 
Known to our friend from his newspaper cut 
Whose face was prey to bitterness and gall 
On having fallen into Hell's deep rut. 
'Here is a goodly "bunch" — so help me G — d ! 
Enough to bring a smile to Boston's CodV'f 



fThe effigy of the codfish in the State House in Boston, U. S. A. 



122 



LV 



" 'But where on earth is my "Manhattan" crowd 
I'd love to have them by me at this board' — 
He silent thought and full as deeply vowed 
When — looking up — he caught a smile most broad. 
Some ten feet from him sat a merry band 
Of what were known on earth as 'dead-game-sports' 
Who all and sundry waved him the 'glad hand' 
Tho' from their wounds and cuts they'd all done torts. 
'That is the place for me! No doubt of that' — 
Thus thought our friend prepared to make a bolt — 
This grave "bunch" here will swift "talk thro' their hat" 
And bore me stiff , and give my nerves a jolt. 
Hurrah for the old \Club! 'She stands up well 
And her bold offspring .hold their own in HellP " 



LVI 



"He swiftly then did engineer his bolt 

And bowing gravely right and left slipped out 

Feeling as doth at liberty a colt 

And a pronounced temptation to shout out. 

To his delight he found the jovial crew 

Had — in their midst — for him a vacant chair. 

So on the six he beaming glances threw 

And for the nonce was wholly free from care. 

He started to shake hands but found that all 

Had one arm or the other in a sling 

This wrapped his spirits as t'were in a pall 

And to his cheek a pallor swift did bring. 

His comrades saw it and said: 'Have no fear 

This sort of thing you won't meet for one year'.' 



123 



LVII 

" "On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined" 

As sang the mighty Byron in his day. 

In Hell both Joy and Torture are combined— 

E'en intertwined — in a most wondrous way!' 

Thus spake the leader of the Jovial Crew — 

A Stock-broker of note in his hot day — 

And from our friend e'en rich commissions drew — 

In ringing voice thus did the 'scalper'f say. 

'You've no idea the fun we have down here 

There's nothing like it even on Broadway 

All is fair play — there's no foul play to fear 

But hear in mind you must the piper pay. 

But that's too complicate to unfold here 

Wait till you've sojourned with us for a year'." 

LVIII 

" 'So now sit down my friend and feel at home 
And well you may since for one hundred years 
From this dread Zone you never once shall roam — 
This Zone of laughter intermixed with tears.' 
Thus speaking he did show our friend a chair 
In which he sat and found himself at ease 
At ease and for the nonce full free from care — 
To see his old Club cronies did him please. 
Sudden a stillness fell upon the Hall 
And a sepulchral voice said in chill tones — 
'Beware, my brothers, lest in sin ye fall 
But now fall to and leave nought but the bones.' 
A mighty shout as from an armed host 
Cheered to the echo this hint of their host." 



fA slang term for a Wall Street Stockbroker. Alluding to their 
taking — "scalping" — commissions from the losings, as well as the 
winnings, of their customers. 



124 



LIX 

"And then a marvel rose before his gaze! 
Magic of magic did at once unfold 
Our friend did view in wonder and amaze 
A thing which did his senses spell-bound hold. 
A thousand silver platters did appear 
Before the thousand guests spontaneously 
The sight did fill him with a sudden fear 
As 'twas his first sight of necromancy. 
The platters brought themselves — sans other aid 
Laden with oysters cool and succulent 
An oyster fork then by each platter laid 
Then at it tooth and nail th 'assemblage went. 
Goblets of gold were by gold flagons filled 
Silent and swift and not a drop was spilled." 



LX 



" 'We have had nought to eat for one whole week' 

His Club friend said as he a lemon squeezed — 

'Hence secret of our zest's not far to seek 

E'en with less fairy fare would we be pleased. 

But once a week we eat — as you now see 

And each may have his fill sans ought of stint 

At the same time we "watch out" warily 

Bearing in mind our stern Preceptor's hint. 

Each man may drink as much as he Can stand 

But let him dread beware of drunkenness 

1'th' calaboose for one month that will land 

The brother who doth show such thoughtlessness. 

Thus drinking is a test of self-control 

Strengthens the will and cheers the striving soul.' r 



125 



LXI 

"Just then two of the walls dissolved in air 
Facing each row of guests as they did sit 
And opened on a stage beyond compare 
Vast in proportions and by Magic lit. 
A dreamy melody then filled the air 
Soft as the soughing of an evening breeze 
Which instant soothed the soul suffused with care 
And equally the intellect did please. 
If trees had leaves were harps Aeolian 
And Zephyr softly played upon their strings 
With Apollo as the grand custodian 
O'th' baton and his orders silent flings — 
You'd get a hint of music that brought tears 
As its soft melodies sunk in our ears." 

LXII 

"Then on a sudden voices low did call 
From the umbrageous trees which formed the wings- 
Sweet girlish voices whose clear tones did fall 
Upon the ear as soft as beating wings. 
And a Midsummer Night's Dream 'fore us rose — 
With real and actual fairies in the east — 
Did Titania and her Oberon disclose 
And Fays and Fairies — a whole concourse vast. 
A second cheer deep-throated as the first — 
A cheer that caused the lofty dome to ring — ■ 
Did from th 'entranced host like thunder burst 
And to the Fairies' cheeks sweet blushes bring. 
The actors then their roles did straight rehearse 
Another text but in great Shakspeare's verse." 



126 



LXHI 

"The Fairies' figures were a thing of joy 
Of grace and symmetry and lovely lines 
Their stature was as that of girl and boy 
Which five feet, five feet two in each confines. 
But beyond that their figures were mature — 
Their dainty drapery hinted a breast 
Whose sweetly swelling lines were firm as pure 
Whose beauty was a thing can't be expressed. 
Their faces matched their forms in fairy charm 
The like of which our eyes had never seen 
Their glance intelligent as it was warm 
The whole ruled over by an air serene. 
The faces of the males were stern and bold 
While their muscled frames a warlike vigour told." 

LXIV 

"King Oberon did port a Kingly beard 

Which did resemble that of Charlemagne 

Its dusky strands his cuirass' top just cleared 

And from his square jaws tumbled like a mane. 

Titania's lovely tresses were pure gold — 

A gold as delicate as sunset-sheen 

With glamour and with lustre can't be told 

The like of it mine eyes had never seen. 

Her teeth of pearl and lips as ruby red 

Her dark grey eyes that like two jewels shone 

The fairy grace which shone forth in her tread 

As she and Oberon did mount their throne 

Her charms — my boy — totted up such a sum 

That — on my soul — the sight clean struck me dumb." 



127 



LXV 

"And when she spoke her voice did bear the tones — 

The witching murmur — that one hears in streams 

In little streams which murmur o'er the stones 

When o'er the bank long summer shadow streams. 

And when she laughed 'twas like a chime of bells — 

Of elfin bells heard on a frosty night 

Within the hollows of those haunted dells 

Where Dian loves to shed her silvery light. 

No rhapsody is this but solemn truth 

Poor mundane ears ne'er yet heard such a sound 

On hearing it I almost swooned in sooth — 

Swooned from pure joy — near went off in a swound. 

The voice of Oberon was strong and stern 

But through its chords a tenderness did yearn." 

LXVI 

"Upon the other stage was shown the Court 

Of Fairyland's Crown ^Prince, and Consort fair 

A handsome stripling with dark locks curled short 

While like Titania's was the Princess' hair. 

I merely turned to look then turned away 

Because my heart Titania fair had won 

But my esteem all lust firm held at bay 

In Hell adultery i'th' head is done — 

Just as Christ said— and in Hell all soon find 

Illicit thoughts it pays one well to shun 

Unless i'th' calaboose he'd be confined 

Unless for thirty daj^s he'd lose all fun. 

A play dramatic as its verse was grand 

Then held us spell-bound — by magician's hand." 



128 



LXVII 

"Such jewels as the lovely Queen had on 

Were never worn by Empress on the earth 

Suffice to say they like the dew-drop shone 

When the first rays of sunshine reach their birth. 

Her pearls were like the hoar-frost when the moon 

Draws near her time and falls upon the wane. 

Her rubies like a tulip at high noon 

When not a breath doth stir the weather-vane 

And when the sun doth glow like new-shed blood 

Athwart her lustrous velvet petal fine 

Or when red wine that in a goblet stood 

Is slowly spilled and through 't the sun doth shine. 

Her robe was pearl- sheened silk — her shoon of gold- 

J3ut of her charms I scarce the half have told." 

LXVIII 

"Meantime the banquet did sans halt proceed — 

Viands and wines to grace a kingly board — 

All dined with gusto but sans hint of greed 

And not a brother took too much aboard. 

Another wonder then did straight unfold — 

The knives and forks did cut the meat themselves! 

Thus those whose wounded arms a sling did hold 

Were, as it were, tended by viewless Elves. 

Nought of the scene behind did any hear 

Magic did halt the sound-waves instantly 

Thus nought of discord jarred upon the ear 

And all moved smooth and Fairy-pleasantly. 

Cigars of rich aroma then were brought 

And the solace which they bring by all was sought." 



129 



LXIX 

"Now what I straight shall say will make you smile 

But you do know full well I'm Truth itself 

That on the earth I was as free from guile 

As I was surely, surely free from pelf. 

Sudden the scene changed to a Minstrel Show! 

'Interlocutor' and 'End Men' black as night 

With tambourine and 'bones' to make things go — 

The vasty stage did make a gorgeous sight! 

I feared the tympana of these my ears 

Would crack beneath the weight of that vast yell 

Of rapture — of catcalls and joyous jeers 

That burst from out the throats of us in Hell ! 

The ebon Interlocutor so bland 

With smile full mundane bowed and waved his hand." 

LXX 

"Whereat another and a fiercer yell 

Than e'en the former made the welkin ring! 

WTiich quieted by magic 'neath the spell 

Of singer who did like a Seraph sing! 

Like raindrops on a desert fell those tones 

Upon the parched ears o'th' mighty throng 

Which burst in stormy laughter as the 'bones' 

His comic end-man 'business' brought along. 

The Interlocutor's unruffled air 

As he did pose his questions to the 'ends' 

Brought vividly to mind the upper air 

And when all hands were bent on human ends. 

The grand finale brought ecstatic yell — 

Featured : 'Smart Aleck's' entree into Hell." 



130 



LXXI 

"Which roaring farce had scarce come to an end 
When a deep bell struck one soul-chilling tone 

Warning the throng their banquet straight must end 
And sobering the face of everyone. 
Once more the Voice with the sepulchral tones 
Re-echoed down that vasty Banquet-Hall 

Bounding and echoing along its stones 
Up-conjuring all bitterness and gall. 
The cowled assemblage slowly, sadly rose 
And with bowed heads awaited stoical 
Th'irruption of those awful tones that froze 
The heart and chilled th'immortal soul of all. 
.Like breath from glacier o'th" Boreal Pole 
Then slowly swept those tones upon the soul." 

LXXII 

" 'All things have end in Hell as on the earth 
Save torment in the Brimstone Lake of Flame. 
Prepare ye now for six days of dread dearth 
T\ Tien all meet here again if free from blame. 
That fasting desert past ye feast once more 
In this our Banquet-Hall of Hell's good cheer 
"V\ nere's ne'er a thought of care, nor hint of bore — 
Nor Care nor Bore dare show their noses here. 
So summon up your courage — brave my lads ! 
Call up the Soul's reserves of nerve and gall 
TThich make Her timber's strong as ironclad's — 
Enable you to truimph over all. 
Think on the joys which 'wait the victor-soul 
The bliss and <zlorv waiting at the goal! 7 " 



131 



LXXIII 

"Once more the walls on both sides lifted swift 
Disclosing scenes past all description grand 
As though the Walls of Paradise showed rift 
Which did a view of Her delights command! 
Beside a silver stream whose shaded banks 
Of velvet lawns her wimpling waters kiss 
My dazed gaze beheld in serried ranks 
The blushing beauties of the Maids of Bliss. 
Immortal maidens destined for the ormie — 
Rewards of valour and of constancy — 
One for each hero icho his soul doth save 
Who o'er his passions holds the envpiry. 
In modest mien they grouped upon the marge 
Prizes to fire the coldest to the charge!" 

LXXIV 

"Their robes diaphanous of creamy hue 

Veiled while they showed the splendours of each form 

To th' lines of Grecian beauty ever true. — 

A beauty magical — beyond the norm. 

Their golden zones beneath their budding bust — 

Cup-like and perfect as fair Helen's own — 

Held firm the garment 'gainst the breast's firm thrust 

A sapphire and a ruby clipped each zone. 

Their naked feet in sandals of pure gold 

Dimpled the lawn, like petals from blown rose 

Whilst of their face the beauty can't be told 

'Twas purest Greek — from lips to brow and nose. 

In groups they stood — of modest mien serene 

A sight to warm an anchorite — I ween" 



132 



LXXV 

"The vast dome seemed to rock above the cheer 

Which burst from out the Host at this sweet sight 

Whose roar received an echo sweet as clear 

From that green bank with beauty thus bedight. 

The maidens smiled and waved their rosy hands 

And showered flowers on the rippling stream 

Then ranged themselves beneath one whose commands 

Had the authority one yields a Queen. 

In double lines they formed — then rhythmic moved 

To unseen music in a stately dance 

Which their sweet grace and suppleness full proved 

And did their stately beauty deep enhance. 

Then from their coral lips floated this song 

Which held spell-bound the cowled and breathless throng." 

LXXYI 

" ; Rouse! Warriors! Be brave! And win the prize 

Which 'waits each hero on this flowery bank. 

Your doughty deeds are viewed by Beauty's eyes 

And with her smiles your efforts will she thank. 

In us ye view the Soul-Mate of each one 

Of thy vast throng foredoomed by Destiny 

For sweet companionship — once task is done — 

Throughout the aeons of Eternity. 

Thy hopes are ours! Thy wishes are our own! 

We yearn for thee as ye do yearn for us 

We weep in anguish when we hear thee groan 

We see thed suffer — 'tis ordained thus. 

If ye do yearn to fall into our arms 5 

Speed ye to combat! Rush to war's alarms!"' 



133 



LXXVII 

" 'Near us Satiety doth never come 

Our beauties never wither, never fade. 

In sketching thus the programme of our home 

We must be frank and call a spade a spade. 

With us sweet Love is one long Honeymoon 

Throughout the confines of Eternity 

It lasteth not for one poor paltry moon 

As for our sisters in Flesh' frailty. 

Each morn we rise a virgin from our bed — 

For sleep reneweth our virginity — 

Each morn forget what passed when we did wed 

What happed last night in our vicinity. 

The same forgetfulness doth thy love renew 

Hence is it ever maiden — ever new." 

LXXVIII 

" 'We are thus frank because we know the world 

Know that man's nature is polygamous — 

How hotly Passion's flames are round him curled 

By meeting nearly any one of us! 

The prospect of eternity with one 

Would be to most men a most awful curse 

Hence have we shown a miracle brought on — ■ 

A miracle of love — no less — no worse. 

With fell Satiety by Fate thus banned 

With beauty never fading — ever young 

Our life together will with joy be crammed — 

The sweetest honeymoon was ever sung! 

If ye do yearn to fall into our arms 

Speed ye to combat! Rush to war's alarms!'" 



134 



LXXIX 

"When a tornado thunders through a wood 
Uprooting trees — backed by the lightening's crash 
^Leaving deep holes where once an oak tree stood 
Midst roar of thunder and the levin's flash 
Thus rushed a storm of passion thro' the souls 
Of that vast throng of desperate heart-sick men 
Who on a sudden saw before them goals — 
Enchanted goals — rising within their ken ! 
Whereat a shout like that of a vast Host 
That runs to combat with a joyful heart 
Heady to conquer or give up the ghost 
From those grim lips did like tornado start. 
JEre it died down the scene did disappear 
And nought but grey walls on each side appear." 

LXXX 

"Once more arose the voice of our grim host 

Whose tones sepulchral chilled our very heart 

As hopeless as the tones of a soul lost 

Where Hope hath dwindled to a withered wart. 

'Ye see my boys I did not overdraw 

The beauties of the Maids ye just have seen 

A beauty matchless as it is sans flaw 

The whole ennobled by an air serene. 

Therefore, my lads; "Be brave! Be fortunate!" 

The prayer said o'er the dauntless Knights of old- 

And bear in mind that when each wins his mate 

His coffers will be flowing o'er with gold. 

So now gird up thy loins and set forth home 

And one week hence may ve all hither come' ". 



135 



LXXXI 

"With a stern martial air the Host set out — 

With head erect and firm and haughty tread — 

And as they rose gave forth a mighty shout 

That seemed to shake the rafters overhead. 

By two and two they marched in column long — 

It roused the soul to watch their stately pace — 

And as they marched their stern lips gave forth song 

To which all slightly swayed with rhythmic grace. 

It was as though the magic of the sight 

Of that green bank peopled with lovely maids 

Had healed the wounds all suffered from outright! 

Had rendered them intangible as shades. 

My heart took fire when I did hear the song 

That burst from the fierce lips of that grim throng." 

LXXXII 

" 'We are the men condemned to fight with flame — 

The Magic Snakes which Satan, Prince of Hell 

Hath organized to purge us free from blame 

And rid us of our faults and failings fell. 

Fierce is the battle with these deadly things 

From whom a thrust doth reach the marrow's heart 

Who full rtlv heart or liver plant their stings 

And make the very soul from torture start. 

Skillful the thrust of these dread enemies — 

These masters of the school of deepest fence! 

Who now attack our mouths — and now our eyes 

And 'gainst which nought but thought is a defence! 

Except one thinks both just, and true, and quick 

These Hell-Snakes'' fangs do pierce him to the guide ! ' " 



136 



LXXXIII 

' 'The problems posed by one's Subconsciousness- 
To which on earth each lent a heedless ear — 
In Hell are put with this increased stress 
Not to respond fills each with grisly fear I 
For whilst one halts, his snake doth stab him fierce 
And drives its fangs through limbs, and arins and thighs 
One's lungs and abdomen doth vicious pierce 
Whilst deaf as adder to his groans and cries. 
One's very brain is not immune thereto — 
These Hellish fangs do pierce clean through the skull. 
Do shoot from wall to wall sans more to do — 
Thrust through the skull as though its wails were wool! 
Their fangs feel like an iron at white heat 
And torture throbs therefrom from head to feet'." 

LXXXIV 

" 'You lose an eye and then — the sight's restored! 

The very instant that the pangs are passed! 

A thrust i'th mouth makes teeth go by the board 

The anguish gone — the teeth in rank are massed. 

A thrust i'th' heart or brain doth cause swift death 

Fain gone, by magic one doth live again! 

Thy death hath lasted but a single breath — 

By magic too is driven oil' all pain. 

But in that breath thoust once more tasted death. 

And so it goes! one dies and lives again 

All in the compass of a fleeting breath ! 

But in that breath lurk aeons grim of pain 

One dies a thousand deaths within the week! 

Till hard-run soul Oblivion would seek!'" 



137 



" 'No bones e'er break — the flesh alone doth sear — 

Or what at least takes up its place in Hell — 

And wounds ne'er suppurate — they heal full clear 

Acting beneath the Prince of Hell — his spell. 

The magic ichor that doth stand for blood 

Flows through the veins as doth the blood on earth 

But ne'er a drop is spilled of its rich flood — 

Too priceless is its rich — immortal worth! 

Its ruby drops do hover round a wound 

And then return to th' stream from whence they came 

No drop of ichor e'er falls to the ground 

But like quicksilver joins its ruby main. 

One^s ichor keeps one cool or warm by turns! 

Warm when His cold — cool when the noontide bums'*" 

LXXXVI 

" 'Hence garments are for grace and decency — ■ 

To deck the figure of a man or maid — 

And never by a chance, utility 

Since by the ichor is all warmth e'er made. 

Since all wear armour of the Grecian tj^pe 

Spear, shield, sword, helmet, greaves and steel cuirass 

For combat all in Hell are ever ripe 

And ne'er an insult unavenged may pass. 

For' S elf -\Res pectus the motto here below 

Here all are equal when it comes to that 

And Hell's fierce Prince doth make all taste of woe 

Who when insulted force not tit for tat. 

Thus Self-Kespect and Courage are nursed strong 

And ne'er in Hell may live unrig hted wrong'' "f 



tShowing where Hell — as the sporting phrase hath it — can — for 
Justice — give this much lauded world: "Cards, spades and a licking." 



138 



LXXXVII 

'"Ideality's the watchword of all Hell— 

Of all who've done their time and serve her Prince— 

Who love the clash of arms e'en passing well 

And from the shock of battle do not wince. 

Ideality's our Watchword and our God — 

For what is God but Ideality — 

Whose sceptre's a sharp sword — no mere blunt rod — ■ 

Whose rulings rest on Truth and Equity! 

Jehovah J ah — that mighty ''Man of War' — 

Fills — on His record — the above rich cup 

Hence doth His praise in Hell deep echo far 

E'en towards the stars doth its incense rise up! 

A Warrior- God, He rules o'er warriors 

Hymns to His glory fill Hell's corridors ! ' " 

LXXXVIII 

" 'And when against the Hosts of Sin we war — 
The villains who seduced us on the earth — 
And from both Truth and Justice lured us far 
Of zeal for deep revenge there is no dearth! 
To th' shock of arms exultant do we- dash — 
Eager as lover for his mistress' breast — 
Eager to fill the air with arms stern clash 
Eager to be i'th' shock of battle pressed! 
The awful shock of the engaged Phalanx — 
Like avalanche against an avalanche — 
With her deep files of glistening steel-clad ranks 
Doth make the cheek of all but heroes blanch ! 
Then\ may be heard Hell's long-drawn battle yell 
As we do drive our doughty foes pell-mell !/' ' " 



139 



LXXXIX 

" 'Then may be heard the charging war-horse' hoof 

As Squadron against Squadron hurls in shock 

Pounding like rocks upon an iron roof 

Pulsing fierce eagerness from crest to hock! 

Their riders thrust or strike as they whirl by 

Parry or lunge as circumstance commands 

In perfect poise of body, hand and eye 

As leaders — trumpet -tongued — shout their commands. 

Like whirlwind do they meet — like whirlwind pass — 

Some horses riderless — some horses down 

A pulsing thunderbolt! — A breathing mass! 

Which hath no sooner come than it hath flown! 

We cheer our comrades as we see them win 

And drive in whirlwind flight the Troops of Sin'." 



XC 



"After the victory the banquet grand! 

In Satan's mighty Banquet-Hall sublime 

Where he doth sit with's peers on either hand 

Whose faces intellect and strength combine. 

There doth he sit and welcome us to joy — 

To joys of which earth hath no faintest hint — 

To joy unmixed and free from all alloy 

Poured out with lavish hand sans hint of stint. 

There do we feast — whilst music rapturous 

With voices sheer seraphic in their tone 

Enchant the ear of each and all of us 

Waft on the Wings of Song both all and one ! 

For such sweet joys and glories do we fight — 

Cry strong: "Lay on! And God protect the right!"" 



140 



XCI 

lt Thus the grim rhrong lid :h:.n: and wind along 
The labyrinthine ways from whence they came 
Our friend forme I unit of that cowled T"hi 
Ffcc V ice low whis] ered him to do the same. 

Leaving the Banquet Hall a cloister'd ¥ 
L^d straight - rrow till the chant was done 
Which then did turn int > a cc vei e I way 
Dark as a dungeon — when of light there's none. 
In utter silence lid they enter here 
The only sound theii sandals muffled fall 
Once entered on our friend did feel the rear 
Vhich gripped him when he heard that rustling pall. 
Sodden a thought like iron nerve 1 his soul! 
T-"-e oeaur -on s Maids of ho-- and their sweet goal." 

xcn 

"His dub- friend at his side 1 —-whispered him 
This place is haunted by the Fiends of Fear 
WhoTl make the goose-flesh rise upon your skin 
And on your forehead beads :f sweat appear. 
Thli 77 do. One cannot them prevent 

Hie Bravest of the brave feel these same things 
But sans the least lisgrs ; : — they're Nature's vent 
So be prepare when thh with Fiends' yells rings! 1 
He'd scarcely ceased when such a yell burst out — 
Soul-chilling and hair-raising fraught I — 

to the sweat in streams on him spout out 
-1 vc 7 - 7 *o 7 - ' I -d ! 

Whea - TI st g ve ' k yell 



141 



XCIII 

"Whereat the very ground beneath their feet 
Did quake and totter with an earthquake's heave. 
It seemed as though the floor each face would meet 
Which rose in billows — like a wave did heave! 
By magic did the bricks which paved the floor 
Hold in their places as though glued thereto 
Whereby to Death was opened wide a door 
Since straight against their faces the floor flew ! 
But halted just before it mashed them in — 
The earth waves making the grim heroes reel — 
And all the while the air bore such a din 
As though all Fiends in Hell their yells did peel. 
But through the darkness rose Wundaunted yell 
Of the cowVd Host surrounded by Hell's spell." 

XCIV 

"His Club-friend threw his arm about our friend — 

About his waist — and yelled: 'Cling tight to me! 

A danger spot doth lurk at this gut's end 

We vet'rans know it — though naught o't* may see. 

We know when we approach it by the smell — 

A cesspool's rose-water by its foul stench — 

For 'tis a smell peculiar strict to Hell 

And carries fear which makes e'en our hearts blench. 

When you first smell it crouch prepared to fall 

In this way you may dodge the giant-bats 

Which harbour at that end 'gainst either wall 

Their bodies are five times the size of rats. 

The limit of their swoop's four feet fro'th 'floor 

See to it that vour stature is no more'". 



142 



xcv 

" 'These filthy things irt lice a full inch long 
; h spring upon you if their wings you touch 
And if they land they bite as though a prong 
Had pierced you roundly and was in close touch. 
Hie bats, too, bite like any cornered rat — 
Their teeth are long and sharp as supet : acks — 
And you may safely bet new ;op-hat 
YouTl fly :ell-mell from one of their attacks 
There's nothing to be done but crouch full low 
With all your muscles flexed and joints relaxed 
Thus you dodge bats and lice at one fell blow 
But I warn you your patten ~ :dP 

The uproar by this time did clean subside. 
Our frienl gave thanks, his nerv r - — 7 : T sorely 

XCYI 



T : :■: ui - ~hieh imaginata :n quaUs 
At its vile :ouch his senses almost froze 
To paint that stench my language simply fails 
He sc roely had recovered from this shock 
" lien his hair stood on end at whir f wings 
His Club- friend in the ribs him swift did knock 
As sign of circling bats that did impinge, 
Tnsdamt our friend lid sronch and grope his way 
TTi:„ arms and hands outspread to grip the floor 
Whilst *neath the waves >f stench his soul 
And once again outburst the fell uproar. 

his ears, his eye-. 
As he lid dodge the bats and their vile blows". 



143 



XCVII 

"Sudden a light burst on their hungry eyes 

As golden-rosy as the sunsets sheen 

And their stunned ears were soothed — to their surprise — 

By female tones — cross twixt a song and keenf 

Slowly the words emerged as from a mist. — ■ 

In which shapes are obscure and lack all form — 

And as they did their very souls seemed kissed — 

Their storm-tried souls — so sweet these words did warm. 

*Xow welcome, heroes, to a zone of rest 

For a set space no danger here doth come 

Here is brief rest for souls with strife oppressed 

Here for a time may ye breathe as at home.' 

The voices ceased. The Host sank on the grass 

"Which luscious here and flower-laden was." 

XCVIII 

''For a full sweet hour did they slumber there 

When trumpet blast did burst upon their ears 

And once more were they roused to toil and care 

Once more to face a world of grisly fears. 

The Host up-sprang like soldiers at command 

And ranged themselves in column as before 

When they did see approach on either hand 

Two monsters which chilled our friend to the core ! 

A cross betwixt an elephant and snake — 

Their trunks were snakes their tails were snakes as well — 

"Who as they moved a trumpeting did make 

Which seemed to shake the base of very Hell! 

The serpents writhed and hissed like a simoon 

And scared our friend till death seemed a sweet boon". 



tlrish funeral song accompanied with wailing. 



144 



XCIX 

" 'Stick close to me. His friend said in low tones 

Tf we do hold our ranks no harm, can come. 

He who falls out they crush to pulp his bones 

Ki?~. : ' ~ pie him I t-Ju U home. 

An exercise in Mora] Courage this — 

J. y:' : ": ; : ::-.v r \\ :. 'i; — 

An :■ : vJ. ri:les :-n e: i-h serpent's hiss 

Of which foul smell I warn you to be wary. 

Its tendency's to make one get away 

And if you do you never can get back 

A force mysterious holds you at bay 

Until the beasts have laid you on your back. 

After a man's been killed he straight comes-to 

But that fell trampling is .. thing all rue' ". 



" 'The beasts are forced to keep full six feet off 
The Laws of Hell forbi I they nearer come 
Those of us who've the nerve the brutes then scoff- 
Scoff and revile them till they make things hum. 
None but a man of iron nerve dare this 
For the beasts pick him : him see 

What's "up to him" if he one point doth miss 
-1- _: f ' M ; *Zf- 

The ' jT* the only man as yet 

Among our thousand who dare, challenge them 
But'-? logic is i ~ : m vg on which to 7 -:~ 
And logic — of M things — is rare in men. 
The beasts first try our ranks both front and rear 
To see if any one hath budged from fear.' " 

END 

OF 

CANTO ONE. 



145 



NEWSPAPER REVIEWS 



SCORPIO. 

(Sonnets) 

By John Armstrong Chaloner. 

i 

Keats has told us that "they shall be accounted poet-kings 
who simply say the most heart-easing things?" It may well 
be, therefore, that the author of the present volume of son- 
nets has no desire to be ranked among the poet-kings. For he 
certainly does not come to us with heartsease in his hand. On 
the contrary he prides himself on the fact that he is a hard 
and terrible hitter. Indeed, he assures us that he has come 
to the conclusion that you can put a wicked man "to sleep" 
with a sonnet in pretty much the same way that a prize- 
fighter puts his opponent to sleep with a finished blow. And 
not only does Mr. Chaloner believe in what we may term the 
sonnetorial fist, but he believes also in whips and scorpions, 
for the cover of his book is decorated with an angry-looking 
seven- thonged scourge, and he dubs the whole effort "Scor- 
pio." So that when we look to the fair page itself we know 
what to expect. 

Nor are we disappointed. Mr. Chaloner goes to the opera. 
Being a good poet, he immediately writes a sonnet about it, 
the which, however, he calls "The Devil's Horseshoe." We 
reproduce it for the benefit of all concerned: 

"A fecund sight for a philosopher — 

Rich as Groleonda's mine in lessons rare — 

That gem-bedizen'd 'horse-shoe' at th'Opera 

Replete with costly hags and matrons fair! 

His votaresses doth Mammon there array 

His Amazonian Phalanx dread to face! 

To Mammon there do they their homage pay ! 



146 

SpangFd with jewels, satins, silks and lace. 

Clones whose old bosoms in their corsets creak 

Beldams whose slightest glance would fright a horse 

Ghouls — when they speak one hears the grave-mole squeak — 

Their escorts par etnas of feature coarse. 

A rich array of Luxury and Vice ! 

But. spite of them, the music's very nice/" 

Here you have whips, scorpions, and a knockout blow 
with a vengeance. The sonnet as a whole is not one which we 
can approve from a technical or sentimental point of view, 
but it has points. Henley might have plumed himself on that 
line about the creaking corset, and the last line, a tour de 

;. in its way reminds us of the withering ironies of Byron. 
It is only fair to Mr. Chaloner to add that not all his sonnets 
are concerned with back-flaying, bosom- stinging, or general 
thumping. Some of them show the tender emotions proper 
to a poet. We like him best, however, in his character as 
metrical bruiser. He is always on the side of the angels even 
if he is frequently over vigorous: and his book is well worth 
possessing. We gather that he has undergone personal trou- 
bles of no light or ordinary nature, and it is pleasant to 
note that, despite these troubles, he still retains a sane and 
reasonable outlook upon life, for when he likes he can be 
quite pleasantly humorous instead of acridly bitter. — THE 
ACADEMY. London. August S. 1908.1 

THE TIMES-UNION, Albany. N. Y.. August -i. 1913. 

Scorpio, by J. A. Chaloner. Si. 50. The Palmetto Press. Eoan- 
oke Eapids. North Carolina. 

"Scorpio" is a volume of sonnets in which the author's 
talent as a satirist has been given full play. He is merciless 
in his attacks upon the frailty of man. and his puny indiffer- 
ence to big. vital matters which are slowly, but none the less* 
surely, sapping our nation's strength. Yet. true poet as he 
is. no one could revel in the beautv of lighter or more deli- 



fThe Academy heads the American Reviews for the sake of auld 
lang syne — it being the first publication in the world to notice the 
author's work. 



147 

cate fancies, when he turns his thoughts to things that are 
not man-made. As he writes of Kipling, it can be said of him : 
"His work is palpitant with strength and blood ; elastic vigor 
leaps in every line." 

KIPLING. 

Thy work is palpitant with strength and blood. 

Elastic vigor leaps in every line. 

There fire of Elizabethan hardihood 

Far-reaching and vig'rous as of yore, doth shine. 

There glint of bayonet and roll of drum — 

That world-encircling drum-tap of the race — 

Flash on the eye and pulse-stir with their hum — 

There strides the British soldier's sturdy pace. 

New life dids't thou impart to British verse. 

In Alexandrian doldrums did she swoon — 

"In irons" to Formality's cold curse — 

To her fair sails you came a breezy boon! 

Long may you live to voice your peoples' will 

A voice whose utterance needs not strength but skill. 

Mr. Chaloner is a graduate of Columbia University and 
a member of the bar. He comes of distinguished ancestry* 
being the lineal descendant — on the distaff side of the house — 
of Peter Stuyvesant — the last Dutch Governor of New York — 
then New Amsterdam — and John Winthrop, appointed* by 
King Charles II, Governor of Massachusetts. Besides being 
a blood relative of the following three prominent Generals 
in the Revolution — General Nathaniel Greene, recognized as 
the second General on our side after Washington — General 
Francis Marion, of South Carolina, known in History as "The 
Swamp Fox," from the trouble he gave, and the chases he 
led the superior British forces, through his native swamps, 
at the head of his small body of horse — which makes our au- 
thor a blood relative of Charlotte de Corday — General Marion 
being of French Huguenot ancestry — and — through the 
Heroine of the French Revolution — a blood relative of the 
greatest of French dramatists, Corneille. Lastly, John Arm- 
strong Chaloner is the great-great-grandson of General John 



148 

Armstrong, on Washington's staff at the British victory of 
the Brandy wine; and author of the famous Newburgh Ad- 
dresses, which came near splitting the newborn xVmerican 
Eepublic in half, by raising such resentment in the breasts 
of the officers and army when stationed at Newburgh-on- 
Hudson (after peace with Great Britain) because Congress 
refused to make good the arrears of pay of the men who had 
saved them from the halter — that the army was ripe for 
taking their pay at the point of the sword — and nothing but 
a hurried trip to Newburg, and the prayers and tears of 
Washington, saved the situation. Mr. Chaloner also claims 
relationship with the oldest and wealthiest Knickerbocker 
families. 



EDGAR SALTITS IN "VANITY FAIE." 

Scorpio is a shandigaff of prose and verse. Usually such 
things are inoffensive specimens of harmless literature. But 
not Scorpio. Richepin wrote a breviary that was like an ex- 
plosion of Roman candles. He also wrote a hymnal that was 
so many doors slammed in your face. Richepin, though a 
member of the French Academy, a membership which usually 
is a patent of incapacity, had something to say and knew how 
to say it. In piety and trwculence this thing of Mr. Chaloner y s 
equals RichepirCs wares. In commenting on an earlier per- 
formance, a critic called the author a literary bruiser. — New 
York, January, 1914. 

HENRY BRINSLEY IN "VANITY FAIR." 

New York, January, 1914. 
• I have been deeply moved recently by some verses of Mr. 
John Armstrong Chaloner % who has just published a slender 
volume of sonnets called "Scorpio." The following lovely 
little lyric will tell its own message without prosaic comment 
on my part. 



149 

DEATH. 

When our appointed sands shall run their course 

When in life's brief hour-glass none doth remain 

When death's mysterious river we must cross 

The following thoughts may ease the Soul her pain 

Death the Angel is of all activity 

The "open sesame" to action rare — 

The quick'ning of a new nativity 

In a world which is as dreadful as it's fair. 

The bones do rest, the dust doth rest. 'They Test. 

But the \Spirit — that which sprang from God's bright 

Throne — 
The Spirit which His breath gives life and zest 
The Spirit thro 7 eternity goes on ! 
Tomb the portal is to Hell or Paradise — 
Purgatory is Hell and versa vice. 



From NEWS SCIMITAR, Mempis, Tenn., July 29, 1912. 
A SON OF MARS. 

John Armstrong Chaloner is a true son of Mars. Evi- 
dently he was born under the blood-red planet. He has been 
a fighter since he reached manhood, and the prospects are that 
he will have to fight until he is gathered to his Fathers. He 
is a scion of the Astor family, and is therefore wealthy, re- 
puted to be worth $1,500,000. He first came into 1 public 
notice by marrying that sizzling vessel of molten lava, 
Amelie Rives, shortly after she had perpetrated on the world 
"The Quick or the Dead." Amelie seems to have exhausted 
all her warmth on this book, and toward Chaloner, she was 
as cold as the iceberg that sank the Titanic. War soon be- 
gan between the couple, and it ended in a divorce on the 
ground of incompatibility 

Explaining his circumstances in the instrument of trans- 
fer, and the reason why he adopts the chosen method, he has 
turned over all of his property in trust to a strong Southern 
financial institution, he retaining only a life interest, and com- 



150 

plete and absolute control until his death. After his death his 
estate is to be divided between the educational institutions of 
Virginia and North Carolina, with the residue to charities 
and chosen beneficiaries. In this way he hopes to defeat the 
cupidity of his family. They are preparing to fight this last 
move, and no doubt Chaloner will be engaged in a war until 
the end comes. 



Boston, Mass., ADVERTISER, December 20, 1913. 
SCORPIO STILL STINGS. 

We are sweetly toasted by John Armstrong Chaloner in 
"Scorpio, IL"ftt (Palmetto Press): 

THE TOURNEY. 

I love an enemy that strikes out bold ! 

To th' Boston Advertiser doff I my hat 

E'en tho' he lives where one eats beans grown cold 

Or beans e'en hot as H — 1 — "all's one for that." 

I love the shock and clamour of the joust! 

I love the roar ! I love the battle's din ! 

As they charge at me from my selle to oustf 

As I hold firm my pen to keep selle in ! 

'Midst press o'th' knights o'th' pen I love to ride 

Where sword meets sword, or spear, or gleaming crest ! 

Where th' good red blood flows in a silent tide 

Where each grim swordsman doth his d — dest best ! 

I'th' thick o' th' press o' th' knights I love to be 

When I feel my snow-white charger under me.f f 

By this time Mr. Chaloner must be riding in gore to his 
stirrups. With his broadsword, or stiletto, or lance, or club, 
or snickernee, or shotgun, he is daily as diligent as a book- 
keeper at his desk. Now that he is paying his militant re- 
spects to States and cities as well as persons, there's no end 
to material. We are gladdened with a promise of "Scorpio, 
Vol. III." 



f Saddle. 

ftA snow-white piece of paper. 

fttPublished, 1913. 



151 

White Plains (X. Y.) ARGUS, October 12, 1915. 

John Armstrong Chaloner is again attracting attention 
because of his literary sonnets. 



THE NEWS DEMOCRAT, Providence, R. L, September 
21, 1915. 

BOOK NOTES. 

"Robbery Under Law." By John Armstrong Chaloner. 
Published by Palmetto Press. 50 cents, net. 

John Armstrong Chaloner has just written "Robbery 
Under Law, or The Battle of the Millionaires," a play in 
three acts and three scenes, exposing the viciousness of the 
Lunacy Laws. 

He has given eighteen of the best years of his life in a 
crusade against the Lunacy Laws of various States. 

In the dramatization of the Virginia tragedy, Chaloner, 
is Hugh Stutfield, of "Rokeby," Albemarle County, Vir- 
ginia, and Xew York, millionaire art-patron and law-writer; 
James Lawless, of Xew York, rejected suitor of Viola Cariston, 
who is in love with Stutfield; Winston Blettermole, cousin 
and heir-at-law of Stutfield: Belisarius P. Spink, an un- 
scrupulous, but learned, Xew York lawyer, and Albert Wedge, 
an inventor, are the important characters who tell the story 
of Chaloners strange career. 

Viola and the love romance woven about her are fictitious, 
but Mr. Chaloner says the other characters correctly por- 
tray participants in events. 

This bids fair to be as interesting as his telegram "Who's 
Looney Now?" to his brother, "Sheriff Bob" Chanler, when 
the latter divorced Mile. Lina Cavalieri, and should find 
many appreciative readers. 



152 

THE PORTLAND OREGONIAN, Portland, Ore., August 

22, 1915. 

"Robbery Under Law, 77 by John Armstrong Chaloner, 50 
cents, Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, N. C. 

There are two plays in this book. 

One is "Robbery Under Law, 7 ' in which Lunacy abuses 
are pictured, and "The Hazard of the Die, 77 a three-act play 
in blank verse treating of the conspiracy of Catiline during 
the last days of the Roman Republic. Both plays are un- 
usual, interesting, and show the undoubted draarmtic talent 
of the author. 



THE EVENING TELEGRAM, Portland, Oregon, July 
24, 1915. 

Robbery Under Law By John Armstrong Chaloner, author 
of "Scorpio 7 ' and "Who's Looney Now ?" Price 50' cents 
net. Published by Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, 
North Carolina. 

John Armstrong Chaloner, author of "Who's Looney 
Now? 77 here offers two plays. 

The play, "Robbery Under Law, or the Battle of the 
Millionaires, 7 ' purports to be an autobiographical one. It is 
to be played, too, the author says, in every State in the Union, 
and lie will appear for a curtain talk after each production to 
emphasize the need of Lunacy Law reform. "The Hazard of 
the Die," a blank verse drama of Catiline, in imitation of 
Shakespeare, follows with an epilogue in which the author 
says this is but the first of a series of plays. The work has 
passages of real vividness. 

There is real value though to students of Abnormal Psy- 
chology in the accounts of the "Napoleonic trances," of the 
mediumistic letters and the like which the author includes in 
this heterogeneous volume; he quotes William James, the 
American psychologist, as styling him a medium of unusual 
powers, and includes a letter from Thomson Jay Hudson, 
author of "The Law of Psychic Phenomena." 



153 

THE POST-EXPRESS, Rochester, N. Y., July 24, 1915. 

''Bobbery Under Law; or The Battle of the Millionaires: A 
Play in Three Acts and Three Scenes." By John Arm- 
strong Chaloner, Roanoke Rapids, X. C, Palmetto Press. 

Mr. Chaloners play, "Robbery Under Law," has obviously 
been based on his own experiences. 

In the same volume there is another play entitled "The 
Hazard of the Die," treating of Catiline's conspiracy. It is 
in the manner of Marlowe, even that dramatist's peculiarities 
of accentuation being imitated. The author shows a knowledge 
of Roman history which is very creditable to his memory. 
Among the dramatis personae are the poet Catullus, Cicero, 
Crassus, Sulla and Caesar. 

The book will amuse and in many ways, astonish the 
average reader. 



THE SCIMITAR, Memphis, Tenn., July 15, 1915. 

From the Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, X. C, comes 
a fat volume garnished in purple and gold, with two splashes 
of red across the front paper cover, the author of which is 
John Armstrong Chaloner, who startled the reading public 
some time ago by the famous query "Who's Looney Xow?" 

The volume contains a play called "Robbery Under Law" 
and another called "The Hazard of the Die," together with 
a vast amount of comments and correspondence that he has 
gathered up and assembled. His play shows that his reading 
has been discursive and by no means desultory. He certainly 
has imagination and inventive genius, and his workmanship 
shows a command of literary technique not to be despised. 
His gifts are eminently respectable, and he is fortunate in hav- 
ing the money to place himself before the public in spite of 
the Pharisees and the guardians of our literary morals. 



154 

THE AGE-HERALD, Birmingham, Ala., September 5, 1915. 

"Robbery Under Law, or The Battle of The Millionaires. 77 
(A play in three acts and three scenes.) By John Arm- 
strong Chaloner. The Palmetto Press, Eoanoke Rapids, 
North Carolina. 

John Armstrong Chaloner, author of "Scorpio," presents 
a play under the title of "Robbery Under Law, or the Battle 
of the Millionaires," which has attracted widespread attention. 
Among other things — interesting things — about the play, 
is Mr. Chaloners "Prologue," which throws considerable light 
on the subject as follows: 

"Since finishing the play, 'Robbery Under Law, 7 last fall, 
the undersigned has written another play found herewith, 
entitled, 'The Hazard of the Die,' a three act play in blank 
verse treating of the conspiracy of Catiline during the last 
days of the Roman Republic." 

From the foregoing the object of the play may be deducted 
and the hriZliant manner in which the author has handled the 
subject is in keeping with the other clever things he has 
written. 



THE THEATRE MAGAZINE, November, 1915. 
THE THEATRE. 
The Magazine for Playgoers. 
New Dramatic Books, November, 1915. 

"Robbery Under Law." By the author of "Scorpio." 
Palmetto Press, North Carolina. 

Mr. Chaloner who, on apt occasion, set going the some- 
what famous expression "Who's Looney Now?" has written 
a play in attack of Lunacy Laws. 

"Robbery Under Law" is the title of a play by Mr. Chal- 
oner. The plan is to produce the play widely as a perform- 
ance. It is lurid and extremely dramatic in some of its 



155 

scenes. It has the imaginative qualities and force to be ex- 
pected from a writer who was assured by the late Professor 
William James that he had the Psychic temperament and the 
qualities of a medium. The second section of the book is de- 
voted to the "Hazard of the Die,'' a play in three acts, of 
the last days of the Eoman Kepublic. 



THE VIRGINIAN, Richmond, Va., September 29, 1915. 
"THE SERPENT OF OLD NILE," MASTERPIECE. 



John Armstrong Chaloner Produces Sequel to "The Hazard 
Of The Die." Deals With Caesar. 

Following close upon the heels of his "The Hazard of the 
Die," John Armstrong Chaloner has written a three-act 
drama, "The Serpent Of Old Nile," which he terms a sequel 
to the other in that both plays treat of the same epoch and 
the same man — Julius Caesar. In the former he is shown 
as a young man when he was scheming for power and in 
the latter effort he is depicted as the man of maturer years, 
who has achieved power. In "The Serpent Of Old Nile" 
Mr. Chaloner essays to paint a sorceress and her wiles and 
probably not even Shakespeare himself would be ashamed to 
claim what the "Master of Merry Mills" who is a past master 
of English as it is written, has" put forth in blank verse. It 
should have a stage production and with intelligent inter- 
pretation would make a hit. 

The book has been issued by the Palmetto Press, of Roa- 
noke Rapids, N. C, in paper cover at fifty cents. 



L5C 



-THE SERPENT OF OLD NILE" 

A Dra—i in Three Acts. 

DRAMATIS PER 5 .":■". .7 

Hj^HABSi!H»r-THB-ATHKNiA3r. Commander- 1 f Cleo- 

patra's 77' 77 :- P:»lemY A^r 

-3 ctfAer. / 7/ i Cleopa: 

Caxo Jcxjus Caesar Dictate Koman World. In 

Love with Cleopatra. 

Pothestjsl Cleopatra's v Mi 1st* ' Si --: 

Ptolemy — tht Sti - - Strift bet 

Brother one Siste 

Holoyesnes. Oaptaki vf Cleopatra's Body-G 

A _-.vi": ■!.:-.. Attached to Cleopatra's 5 vs. 

Arayid. / Cleopatra- E chs. 

A Hkbatd. Attached to Caesar's Army. 
lZ'.pattla. ; , . ■. . - Egypt. 

Sappho. A- Athenian. Cleopatra's 7. ~ -7 -~" 

Roman Soidu * 3 Greek Mercenaries* Egyptian Soldi* *, 
Bedouin Arabs an*2 '. " -'- : s. 

Time: iS B. C. 

PI ;.. * E gy 



157 

THE SORCERESS 

PEOLOGUE TO 
"THE SERPENT OF OLD NILE'' 

Chorus loquitur. 

We now essay to paint a sorceress — 

The "Serpent of Old Nile'- of Antony — 

That man-devouring-Sphinx — Egypt's — none less 

Whom Shakspeare limned in divine alchemy ! 

The task is dread — the task doth chill the heart — 

All in the steps of Shakspeare thus to tread — 

Especially as herein plays the part 

Of lover Caesar, whom th' world held in dread. 

Especially since Cleopatra's tossed 

Upon the bosom of two passions dire — 

Love — whose fulfilment world-empire would cost 

Ambition — which holds forth the world's empire! 

'Twixt Caesar and the bold Hephaestion 

The sands of Pate's dark glass portentous run. 

From A SOUTHERN SHORT STORY WRITER. 

"The third act of "The Serpent Of Old Nile" reached me 
yesterday and I like it immensely. You know how pleased 
I was with the first two Acts, and this is a fitting climax. 

The conflict in Cleopatra's heart is splendidly represented : 

(Sappho:) 
'So Cleopatra sways between two winds. 
The wind of love and Powers mighty wind. 
Which of the two winds win the Gods sole know 
Meanwhile her heart is tossing to and fro' 
Tossing and troubled like a troubled stream.' 



This whole soliloquy of Sappho is very fine indeed. 

I admire the attitude of Plephaestion when Cleopatra ig 



158 

trying to dazzle and charm him — the way in which he reads 
below the surface, and says to her: 

(Hephaes:) 
'I see a spirit in whose plumbless depths 
Lurk passions deep as multifarious — 
Lurk Love and lurk Ambition hand in hand 
Joined whilst they sleep, but parted once they wake. 
I note Ambition to o'errule the world 
I note the courage to achieve the task 
Backed by a Policy as deep as dark — 
As subtle as 'The Serpent Of Old Nile 7 
Learn 'd in all policy, skill'd in how to rule 
The hearts of men as sway a kingdom's host.' 

» 
I also admire the perfectly natwral way in which he finally 

yields to her blandishments! 

And these lines: 

(Hephaes:) 
'Thought were not meant for words but for the heart — 
Thoughts hot as blood and as that hot blood fierce 
Thoughts all of fire that burn the very veins 
And arteries as they the heart surge thro' ! ' 

The termination of this love scene between Cleopatra and 
Hephaestion is original and very well done — the triumph of 
the Queen's ambition over her love. 

It is interesting to note the contrast between Caesar and 
Hephaestion — when Caesar appears on the scene he appears 
so entirely confident of himself and his success with Cleo- 
patra that he can talk about the scenery, and not hurry to 
his love-making: 

(Caesar) : 'How lovely gleams the Nile from where I stand, 
A silver shield it verily doth seem.' 

The end is very exciting and unexpected — I didn't guess 
at all how Caesar would conduct himself in regard to Haphaes- 
tion's death, and I was heartily glad that he punished the 
treachery of the 'fatal sorceress' so completely." 



THE HAZARD OF THE DIE 



A Drama in Three Acts. 



DRAMATIS PERSONAE. 

Lucius Sekgius Catiline, Read of the Conspiracy to over- 
throw the Roman Republic. 
Caius Julius Caesar, ^Candidate for Pon- 

tijex Maximum. 
Marcus Crassus, The richest Roman of 

Antiquity. 
Marcus Cornelius Lentulus, Patrican, I Conspirators with 

Praetor ()Chief Justice) of. Rome I Catiline 
Caius Cetiiegus, Patrician. 
Caius Sulla, Patrician, nephew of the 

Dictator Sulla. 
Quintus Curius, Patrician. 
Marcus Tullius Cicero, Consul. 

Caius Valerius Catullus, The great Roman- lyric Poet. 
Caius Sallustius Crispus, Known to modern tvrwes as Sal- 
lust; Roman Historian, Author of "The Conspiracy 

of Catiline." 
Publius Clodius, Patrician, Democratic Politician; Organizer 

and Leader of a Band of Gladiators with which he 
terrorizes his Political Ri/oals. 
Titus Annius Milo, Patrician, Republican or Senatorial- 

politican; Organizer and Leader of a Band of 
Gladiators in Opposition to Clodius. 
Spartacus, Lieutenant of Clodius 1 Band. 
Yettius, A Spy in the pay of Cicero. 
A Soothsayer. 

Aurelia Orestilla, Wife of Catiline. 
Clodia, Sister of Clodius, Mistress of Catullus. 
Fulvia, Mistress of Quintus <Curius. 
Senators, Citizens, Gladiators and Soldiers. 

Time: The last days of the Eoman Republic. 

Place : Rome. 



160 



THE HAZARD OF THE DIE 



Act I. Scene I. 

A Seclud-ed Street In Rome. 
Time\ Forenoon. 

Enter Catiline alone, dressed in a toga. 

Cat.: Now by the Gods 111 do a deed of blood 

That certes shall trump my fame to the world's end. 

That shall the name of Catiline surround 

With nimbus dread of horror, and black death 

With divine cloud of rapine and revenge, 

Thai knows no equal this side Phlegethon! 

Methinks I see the city now aflame — 

This haughty city, this proud conquering Kome, 

Who sets her foot upon wide-breathing earth 

And bids the world yield tribute to her lust. 

Ha ! Thou great harlot I shall make thee writhe 

Squirm and contort thyself in Hellish pain 

When once my plans swift ripening gather head. 

Then let the haughty Senators beware — 

Those iron fools who know no law but gain — 

Whose daily thought and daily care are but 

How t' cause their crop of sesterce to increase — 

To see two coin where was but one before. 

My purpose is to seize the government 

Snatch her grand reins from out the feeble hands 

Of Cicero, that old wife in man's garb. 

That self-sufficient upstart with a tongue 

A silver tongue I'll grant but only tongue 

Sans heart, sans eyes, sans skill, sans all but tongue. 

A bigger coward never walked abroad 

Than that same smug-faced parvenu-poltroon. 

Some lusty spirits have I now in train — 

Caesar that easy bold voluptuary 

"Whose heart's as cold as his dark lusts are hot 



161 

Whose breath is power no matter how come by 

Whose morals are as easy as his ways. 

Suave, smooth, polite, e'er cordial Caesar is 

An easy-going, smooth, good-natured man — 

But o' th' share o' th' spoil his must the lion's be. 

But master ne y er hath met this Catiline. 

Fierce Caius Cethegus that soul of steel! 

Ne'er saw I yet a firmer heart than his 

Danger's the trumpet that doth rouse his soul ! 

And Sulla brother might be to Cethegus 

So firm his spirit and so sure his soul — 

The brightest jewels in my carcanet 

A ruby and a diamond they gleam ! 

Mark Crassus cometh next into our ken. 

A cold and calculating business-man 

Whose every thought is for his money-bags. 

But these same money-bags do have their use 

When 't comes to paying troops to win our cause. 

Next a bold spirit Quintus Curius 

Of proud ancestry and of courage high 

But curst mercurial and giv'n to talk. 

But if Adversity can steel the soul 

And burn out weakness in the fires of woe 

No man should be more firm than Curius. 

Last the slow-moving haughty Lentulus. 

The weakest blade in all my armoury 

But great his station and grand his mighty gens 

Cornelian — Sulla's own — my late great chief's, 

W^ith such a galaxy of jewels rare 

I'll deck my diadem of Lord of Rome — 

Hist ! Who comes here followed by martial tramp 1 

Enter Clodius Fully Armed at the Head of his Band of 
Gladiators, also Fully Armed with Sword and Shield. 

Well met bold son of Mars, well met, I say. And you 
stout fellows (Making a Military Sahite to the Gladi- 
ators who, Drawing Swords and Saluting Catiline, 
form a Line of Battle across the Stage and Stand at 
"Attention" with Drawn Swords) bid ye welcome, 
too. 



162 



Clod.: My Catiline, how wags the world with thee? 
Cat.: E'en passing well, bold Clodius. passing well. 
Clod. : Tis well. Hast any news to tender me to-day ? 
Cat. : None, Clodius, none. The times with me are dull. 
Clod.: Ha! Say you so. Methought that Catiline 

Xe'er rested day or night from plot or scheme — pardie. 
Cat. : Than Catiline is no man more maligned 

Believe me Clodius. none — not one sole one. 
Clod.: Well. I must jog for Milo is agog. 

His band doth prowl the Forum, so I'm told. 
Cat. : Be cautious how you clash with that same man. 

Your band's too precious to be risked in brawl. 
Clod. : We know our worth — eh soldier- : 
Gladiators: ({/lashing thei •>:.: Is <rinst their Shields) 

That we do! 
Cat.: I'll jog with you my home you know's hard by. 

(Catiline Lius put themselves at the Head of the 

Band c - it). 

The St. Louis STAE. October 19, 1915. 

LITEEAEY NOTES. 
John Armstrong Chaloner. author of "Scorpio." has issued 
altogether two plays of the life of Caesar: "The Serpent Of 
Old Nile," and "The Hazard of the Die." They have the 
me it veil : n own to attach to all His work. Palmetto Press. 
Eoanoke Eapds. N. C. ' '. sents. | 



The Troy RECORD, Troy. New York, October 16, 1915. 

The Serpent Of Old Nile. By John Armstrong Chaloner. 
The I' imetto Press, B aoke Rapids, X. C. 

Air. er may be called the ""in litera- 

tuie. Hi- latest t ■ de force osists of two blank verse 
dram ps. 

that t ~' vchimg 

level ' - ; ■ • ! ' ''• 

thor. 



"THE SERPENT OF OLD NILE" 

Act I. Scene I. 

Time : An hour before sunrise. 

(Outside Cleopatra's Tent— the Head-Quarters Tent — of 
her Army on the Outskirts of Alexandria. The Tent is a 
Large Pavilion of Purple Silk bordered with Gold. In the, 
Back Ground are seen Other Smaller Tents of the Officers of 
her Army. Holofernes and a Sentinel in Roman Armour cere 
Pacing Back and Forth before the Pavilion. The Camp has 
not yet Waked. Other Sentries are Pacing Up and Blown 
before the Officers' Tents. The Flap of th<e Nearest Officer's 
Tent Opens and Hephaestion Emerges, dad in Full Armow*. 
He is a Powerfully Built Man of Handsome Face and Figure, 
in the Prime of Life. He Approaches Cleopatra's Pavilion: 
Holofernes and Sentry Salute him with their Swords. He 
Acknowledges the Salute in an Abstracted Manner and Says'.) 

Hephaes. Withdraw yourselves a space but keep your watch. 
I would have silence to resolve my thoughts. 

Holo. My lord, if but the Queen should miss our tread 
Each one of us would swiftly lose his head. 
Thou knows't my lord, but one short week ago 
What happened to the sentry who did doze? 

Hephaes. A week ago Pbthinus' embassage 

Took up my thoughts t'exclusion of aught else 
The crafty schemer sought to trap our Queen 

Holo. Then by thy leave, my lord, I'll name th' event- 
Drusus, the Roman, did hold watch with me. 
The moon was at the full, the night was warm 
All nature slept engulfed in her soft ray. 
I heard a sound hard by and strode to see 
Ji any crafty Arab was at hand. 
The sound receded as I did advance. 
I followed it might be a hundred yards. 
Drusus meanwhile did halt — leaned on his spear 
And as we soldiers can — slept where he stood 
Feeling that he could safely steal a nap 
So brief as that at his spear's head the while. 



164 

I traced the sound and did return to him 
And swiftly whispered I would sound th' alarm 
Ere I'd surpass'd my watch a hundred yards. 
As I did reach the limit of my line 
I saw a jackal slink into the gloom. 
I then turned on my heel t' retrace my steps — 
When lo ! a sight I saw made my hair rise! 
The pavilion of the Queen did open slow 
And her imperial head did peer there-thro'. 
Her glorious face shone in the moon's soft beam 
Like Dian's self — the Huntress of the bow. 
Her breast was bare and like to Dian's own 
Did shed effulgence- in the pale moonlight. 
She glanced at Drusus — then she looked for me. 
My errand by her general's eye was seen. 
She then again scanned Drusus in her gleam. 
Never saw I a change so swift and fell 
A.g did sweep o'er her countenance divine! 
When first her face peered out 'twas scrutiny — 
A soldier's piercing glance was written there. 
What next I saw did chill my very blood ! 
'Twos tho' Medusa? 8 self had come to life 
And gloated o'er her victim ere she killed ! 
Her breasts did rise and fall like waves of snow. 
Her eyes did gleam like lightening 'gainst a cloud — 
The thundercloud of her dishevelled hair. 
Her rich full lips drew in to one thin line 
Thro' which her teeth did like a lion's gleam ! 
One instant thus — and then she disappeared — 
The next — the spear she carries as her sceptre 
Since she 'gainst Ptolemy hath ta'en the field — 
Thrust thro'' the tent-flap and did Drums pierce 
Above his corselet deep into the neck! 
No sound he uttered save a muffled moan 
As he fell dead and his stout spirit passed. 
Hephaes. (With a Smile) The tigress! (Aside) By Mars 
I love her all the more! 
There is a prize worthy a soldier's life ! 
(Aloud) What did she then? (With an Air of Mili- 
tary Indifference) 
Thy tale doth interest me. 



165 

Ho]o. She gazed adown upon stout Drusus' corse, 
And slowly disengaged her rubied spear 
1 had by now approached and stood my guard. 
First did she wipe her spear upon his arm 
Then slowly thrust it in the desert sand. 
She then leaned on her spear and turned to me. 

Hephaes. How was she clad? Thy tale is interesting. 

Holo. My lord in sheen of fairy gossamer 

Like to a cloud of fleece — so light it was! 
Like to a veil spun from the moon's own beams. 

Hephaes. Enough ! What did she then ? 

Holo. She then did fix me with her wondrous eyes 

Which yet did hold the death -light in their depths 
And, on a pause, did say in careless tones — 
"Remove that sleepy-head from out my sight 
And tell thy guardsmen that a fate self-same 
Awaits all soldiers who sleep on their watch" 
Sans other look at Drusus, she was gone. 

Hephaes. I comprehend thy zeal upon thy guard. 
But recollect that / do take thy ward 
Within the confines of one hundred feet 
You to the right, your guardsman to the left 
"Sleep not upon your watch — that's all I say. 

Holo. I go my lord. (Holof ernes and Sentry March off) 

Hephaes. (Pacing Up and Down before the Tent of Cleopatra) 
By Amnion Ra ! Here is a Queen indeed ! 
One worthy to sit throned upon the world. 
Would I could find a wizard with an eye 
Piercing enow to sound her subtle soul 
And tell me if she loves me or — loves not. 
As general of her troops she leans on me 
For my experience in strategy. 
As general of her troops she seems to take 
Me to the secret councils of her soul — 
But doth she so, or doth she merely seem? 
Sappho befriends me and she says she doth — 
Says that the Queen hath me in fond regard. 
That she hath caught her sighing and asked why. 
Whereat the Queen hath sighed again and said 
"Sappho the general is a likely man 
A man of parts — a man to conquer maids." 



166 

"Maids! Saith thy grace," said Sappho, laughingly 

"Can great Hephaestion but conquer maids ! 

Methought his prowess in the Orient 

Amid the Parthians was more proof than that." 

Whereat the queen did smile her wondrous smile — 

That smile so sinuous and hard to read 

That smile that like a charm doth veil her face 

And make it as the Sphinx inscrutable! 

Its charm hath wound itself about my heart 

As coils a serpent round a flutt'ring bird. 

(Cleopatra's Voice from within the Tent) 
"Ho! Without!" 

Hephaes. (Starting. Swiftly, Recovering himself, Says ra 
Abrupt Military Tones) 
Hephaestion the general stands on guard. 

Cleo. "Hephaestion the general stands on guard!" 

And our two last night's sentries — where are they? 

Hephaes. So please the queen they stand upon their watch. 
Full flanking her pavilion right and left. 

Cleo. But wiry this change without my orders sir? 

Hephaes. So please the Queen I took it on myself 

Wishing to pace away some truant thoughts 
That had curtailed my sleep and driv'n me forth. 

Cleo. (Laughing Softly) 

What! Truant thoughts in stern Hephaestion 

The terror of his enemies in war! 

The warrior whose brow is diademed 

With fame that's second sole to Caesar's own ! 

Prithee my general tell thy warrior-Queen 

What thoughts are these that so o'ermaster thee? 

Hephaes. My queen I fear me much to lift their veil. 

Cleo. (Laughing) "Fear" is a thing as strange as truant 

thought 
To find a lodgment in Hep.haestion^s breast! 

Hephaes. I'd sooner charge a legion of proud Rome 
With a mere cohort of six hundred men 
Or face the phalanx Macedonian. 
E'en led by Alexander's god-like self — 
Than tell the thoughts that lurk within my breast. 

Cleo. Summon thy courage then Hephaestion! 

Call up thine ancient race — thine ancestry 



167 

That with great Alexander ruled the world — 
For I do charge thee charge that legion now 
For I do charge thee face that phalanx here. 

Hephaes. My Queen vouchsafe one word — who's in thy tent 
Who doth the royal pavilion share with thee? 

Cleo. Granted my general. None but Sappho's here 
My faithful friend and thine too I may say. 

Hephaes. (Drawing a Deep Breath) 

That being so I'll e'en the charge essay. 
(After a pause) I wonder did — my most puissant 

Queen — 
Provided victory doth crown our spears 
And she doth place thee upon Egypt's throne — 
If thy poor servitor — my most unworthy self — 
Might aspire unto — I know not — what. 

Cleo. (Laughing) Thou know'st not what ! Why then no 

more do I ! 
How can I answer thing so nebulous? 

Hephaes. (Smiling) If, dread my Queen, thou'lt deign to 
bear in mind 
No question did I put your Majesty. 

Sappho. (From within. Laughing) In this first bout He- 
phaeston scores one. 

Cleo. (Laughing in her Turn) That I admit — ye subjects 

dutiful 
That I admit. But say Hephaestion 
Didst ever yet when "charge" thou didst essay 
Lead on thy soldiers in such loose array 
As were but now thy scattered flock of thoughts? 

Sappho. (Laughing) V th' second bout the Queen doth score 
full sore! 

Hephaes. (Laughing) I'll rally them and this time — charge 
amain! 
Pardon a soldier's bluntness, sweet my Queen 
But if we win wilt thou deign marry me? 

Sappho. That was a "charge" in sooth to frighten Hell! 

Cleo. (Coldly) Sappho thou sayest well, Hephaestion 

'Tis time this conversation drew to close. 

Hephaes. An t' please the Queen I now do take my leavee. 
Leaving this prayer to humbly plead for me. 
I "charged" because my Queen did bid me "charge" 



168 

I but obeyed my orders — that is all. 
Cleo. {Coldly) As I have said this interview is closed. 

Never dare broach that subject, sir, again. 
Hephaes. (As Coldly) Queen I now go, and tlrorder will 
obey. 
(As he Strides Away to His Tent — but Before he 
has Gone Three Yards — a Runner Appears in 
Breathless Haste.) 
Runner. Where is the General — whereas Hephaestionf 
Hephaes. (Halting — and in Stem Military Tones — in Which 
there is Not a Vestige Left of the Softness and 
Almost Feminine Charm, ichich Marked his 
Conversation with Cleopatra) — 
Hephaestion is here. What is thy news? 
Runner. My lord the Roman Caesar, is at hand. 

At head of 's army — not a league from here. 
He's made a forced march and is coming on 
With all the speed his footsoldiers can show. 
I spied him six miles off as I did wake 
In a rude hamlet where doth dwell my wife. 
All unperceived I swift did get away 
To warn the general without delay. 
Hephaes. (Taking a Handh Grasp of Gold from a Purse at 
his Sword Belt) 
Prithee take this my man, thou hast done well — 
Cleo. (From within the Pavilion) 

Hephaestion give orders where you stand 
I must consult with thee — and instantly. 
Hephaes. (In the Same Tone) 'Tis well. (Motioning to Holo- 
fernes) 
You heard the news. Inform mine officers. 
And bid them call their soldiers straight to arms. 
(Exit Holof ernes). 
(Aside) This jumps well with my plans — Caesar's a 

man 
T'whom reason doth appeal as to none else. 
And reason points to Cleopatra, Queen. 
An ally in the Roman we shall have 
Or I know not his course throughout his Avars 
(A Pause, Meditatively) An ugly doubt doth now 
obtrude its head. 



169 

Caesar is a proved voluptuary 

That with 's ambition e'er goes hand in hand. 

What if he fall to Cleopatra's charm 

(Starting Violently) That doubt bites keener than 

a serpenfs tooth! 
(A Pause. With Deliberation) What would I do 

if he paid court to her? 
What would I do — I'd kill him out of hand! 
That's what I'd do — kill him or any else! 
Ambition weighs not in the scale with love 
With me who with Fame's trump am surfeited. 
For Cleopatra shall I throw the die. 
I'll throw a main with Death — let Death sit in 
Death face me at the board and hold the box. 
(Meditatively) If I do lose? Why then WElysian 

Fields 
Are broad enough to give my spirit room. 
Cleo. (From ivithin the Pavilion. In a Winning voice) 

Hephaestion ! Art there my counsellor? 
Hephaes. (In Milder Tones) Here at thy side my Queen — to 

do or die. 
Cleo. There spoke my noble right arm in this war. 
Believe me Hephaestion I lean on thee — 
As leans a sister on her brother's arm. 
Hephaes. The relationship my Queen doth sicken me — 

My gorge e'en rises at th' comparison. 
Cleo. Well let that pass — humour a woman's whim! 
If I do call thee "brother" let that go — 
I am thy Queen and call thee what I will. 
Hephaes. Thou art my Queen so call me what you will. 
Cleo. I shall be armoured in a little trice 

The last buckle of my cuirass Sappho's on — 
Give me my helmet girl — so — that will do. 
And now my sword — and — last — my golden spear. 
(The Curtain of the Pavilion is Drawn Aside by 
Sappho from Within, and Cleopatra Emerges 
Looking like the Statue of the Goddess Minerva. 
A Silver Cuirass covers her Breast. On her 
Head is a Silver Helmet designed Precisely Uke 
that of Minerva. In her Eight Hand is a Light 
Spear whose Glittering Head is of Steel, Plated 



-\ Gold. Tl y HUt Zword at her 

TTwealed by a Greek Mantle of 
Diaphanous Silk, Dyed in the Hues of the 1 
Art J Tynan — ^hot with Gold Stars, 

and with a Heavy Border rails 

to her Feet, but in whieh an Opening at the x 

Added F :edom of % far the 

I ibs. Hephaestion Draws Back Dazzled by 
this Vision of Female L ss in the Panoply 

. - Mars Cleopatra Smiles Cerent ly at him and 
I w Aim) 
Thou seest that I'm armed to fend my rights 
And Queenlike head my army in the field. 
Hephies. Bt Mars my Queen to th* soldiers this same sight 
Of thy ethereal beauty decked for war 
TTere worth two legions at the very least 
Cleo. Two legions then are here. Hephaestion. 

For ::- my purpose to review the troops 
So soon as our war-eouneil shall break up — 
A T Heard. Enter a Herald under E 

cart of Cleopatra's men). 
Herald For Queen Cleopatra there's no need to ask 

Since my eyes tell me I behold her now. 
Cleo. Hrrald thou dost. Thy purpose with us now 

Hei Id. Tie Dictator Caesar craves a conference. 

?7t is hard by. waiting at's legions* head. 
Hephaes :nes he in peace? Or what are his intents, 
Herald. In peaceful guise somes he — e'en as :Mf. 
Cleo. B: Caesar — elcome. Herald, at our hands 

And sa - await his coming here. 

Herald. "lis well, fair Queen, thy bidding I 

haes. Permit me. Queen, one word t venture on. 
0:>. Speak my : general, nought's done sans thee in 

T is that :':ie Roman halt his legions 

the furthest confines of our camp 
But enter same with fitting body-guard. 
Cleo. Agreed Hephaestion. Thy words are wis 

Id. (B< I take ::iy message, Q -en. and take my 

leave. 



171 

Hephaes. (Smiling) This strikes me well, my Queen, how 
strikes it you? 

Oleo. It strikes me e'en the same. I'd like to see 

What mould of man this conquering Eoman is. 

Hephaes. (Frowning) Thy motive then is curiosity? 

Cleo. Part curiosity — part interest. 

Hephaes. Interest in him or interest in our cause? 

Cleo. Interest in both, Sir cross-examiner! 

Hephaes. They say the Eoman likes the gentler sex 

That's amours e ? en are counted by the score. 

Cleo. (Smiling) So have 1 heard and so do full believe. 

Hephaes. Would'st thou be one-and-twenty on his list? 

Cleo. (Frowning) Sirrah beware! You broadly trespass 

there. 

Hephaes. What if I do Queen. Caesar doth the same. 

Cleo. Comparest thou thyself to Caesar sir? 

Hephaes. (Laughing) I frankly do fair Queen and with good 
cause. 

Cleo. (Sn-eeringly) Ah ! So thou hast conquered the Ro- 

man world? 

Hephaes. (Smilingly) One-third of it I conquered fair my 
Queen — 

Cleo. And when was that o'er-bold Hephaestion? 

Hephaes. On Carrae's bloody day the plan was mine. 
The Parthian general was in quandary — 
A very bog of doubt — o'erflood with fear. 
The night before the fight he came to me 
And said, "Hephaestion e'en counsel me 
For I know not, in sooth, which way to turn" 
I then the plan evolved which won the day 
And taught the Romans that the mystic East 
Was free forever from barbaric sway — 
That their barbarian swords could never pierce 
The portals of the land my forbears ruled. 

Cleo. (Lang kin gig) Call'st thou the Roman proud, "bar- 

barian?" 

Hephaes. Without a doubt when measured with a Greek. 

Cleo. (Sneering) Caesar'd be flattered did he hear thee 

now. 

Hephaes. (Smiling) Of that puissant Queen I make no doubt. 
Thev come to us to teach them letters, Queen. 



172 

Greece is the college that doth train Roman's brain 

Her dramatists, poets, and Philosophers 

Have set the compass that doth steer proud Rome. 

No dramatist, poet, or Philosopher 

Hath Rome ever produced to march with ours — 

Her's are pale copies of our own grand men. 

Cleo. I never knew such things did interest thee. 

Hephaes. Because my Queen, you never trenched thereon 
As soldier solely didst thou send for me — 
Drawn by my fame which filtered thro' the world 
And has been doing so since Carrhae's day — 
But I at Athens read philosophy 
E'en as a youth, before I studied arms. 

Cleo. (Smiling) Then two polished blades will gleam here 

presently 
For Caesar's orator and author too. 

Hephaes. (Starting. Aside) Did she then prophesy unwit- 
tingly ! 
Did Delphi's Sybil speak from her curved lips! 
Doth this presage a duel to the death 
Twixt Caesar and myself ere many suns? 

Cleo. Hephaestion you seem deep wrapped in thought. 

Hephaes. {Starting and Recovering his Usual Air of Calm 
Indifference ) — 
Graciously pardon me. my Queen, I dreamed. 

Cleo. Dream in broad daylight and before thy Queen! 

Hephaes. Pray bear in mind I am unused to Queens 
The only women I have ever known 
Were those I captured at the sack of towns. 

Cleo. (Laughing) Tut! Tut! Hephaestion you fable there. 

Tell that to some young chit that knows not men. 
No man with thy poise and audacity — 
When thou dost face a Queen in badinage — 
But in boudoirs hath served apprenticeship. 

Hephaes. (Smiling Grimly) My boudoirs were the sack of 
captured towns 
Where falling timbers and where falling stone 
'Midst cracking archways in a trembling house 
Did urge compliance in the coldest dame. 

Cleo. (Laughing) Br-r-r thy polished methods lend to me 

a chill ! 
A Hvrcan ti^er but no lover — thou! 



173 

Hephaes. (Calmly) What did I tell thee but a moment since? 
Cleo. (Aside) Doth all that fire lurk 'neath that cold 

calm mask ! 

He tempts my will to rule — I'll conquer him! 

And play him 'gainst the Eoman Caesar cool. 

I could not have two finer specimens — 

Two strings to my love-bow — than these two men. 

With me do love and war go hand in hand. 
Hephaes. (Smiling) 'Tis now thy turn to dream — mysterious 
Queen 

A drachma for thy thoughts I'd willing give. 
Cleo. (Laughing) A drachma for my thoughts — no more 

than that! 

You hold me cheaper than a captured spoil ! 
Hephaes. (Smiling) Because I'd lose my money either way! 

If they were worth a talent you ? d them hide 

And hand me but a drachma's worth of truth. 

And if a drachma thou wouldst colour them 

And give me less than drachma in return. 

(Trumpet Heard). 

Here comes our Eoman. Now for glimpse of him. 

(Enter Julius Caesar Surrounded by a Powerful 
Body -Guard. Be is in Full Armour with a Man- 
tle of Purple Silk over his Coi"selet. The Body- 
Guard Halts some Fifteen Feet from Cleopatra, 
and Caesar Strides Forth. Upon coming to 
Within Three Paces of Her he Halts and Draw- 
ing his Stcord makes a Military Salute, Saying 
as he Sheathes his Sword and Stands Stiffly 
Erect) — 
Caes. Hail Queen of Egypt ! Cleopatra hail. 

Fair daughter of the Nile thy ally I. 
Cleo. (Smiling Graciously and Extending her hand) 

Welcome, world-conquering Roman to our camp. 
(Caesar Advances and Taking her Hand Raises it 
Respectfully to his Lips. Hephaestion Starts 
and Involuntarily Drops his Hand to a Dagger 
at his Right Side. The Movement is Unper- 
ceived by Both Caesar and Cleopatra. He- 
phaestion Instantly Recovers his Usual Cold 
Composure and Stands at Ease. Cleopatra 



N tart I " . or Hand. 

and Glances Hastily at Hephaestion: but the 
lent has Sufficed for the Latter to Assume 
his Xonchalant Calm. Cleopatra Quickli 
carers, and Withdraws her Hand. Saying with 
a Haughty Smile) — 
Thy maimers, smack, sir. somewhat of the camp. 
C es. '.rugging his Shoulders Involuntarily^ and then 

Instantly Assuming an Air of Humility says 
Hastily) 
7 ; -_ ". i ;■. ;- J;::::. Le: i:t kfe ";;e hit ex ".lie. 
In : 1111:5 — :: :■: ::- — I've sr-ent ny litter ye 
Qeo. (Smiling Graciously) Roman you stand excused I 

know thy wars. 
Thy book on Gaul IVe read with interest deep. 
(Caesar Bones. Cleopatra Continues. Pointing to 

He 11 :.:•:: t — 
Hos is my general who doth stand at hand. 
Hephaestion — the Greek — who heads my host. 
(Caesar Turns and Advancing a Step towards He- 
phaestion Extends his Right Hand Saying in 
Pleasing Tones and with a Frank Smile) — 
j:- Thy fame I know and IVe a debt to pay — 

M15: ~ :/--.- rreek — : : -.::._ ri i :!!■= iiri — 
"T~i= ~i: i::kr::i '"riss'is i ..." iir_i= 

Hephies. Ad \g towards Caesar and Calmly Taking his 

Hand. On Relinquishing it he Says) — 
So Crassns was a riddle puzzled thee? 
(Laughing) The riddle of the Sphinx and nothing 



Hads't thou not slain him I'd had it to do. 

A cold hard money-grubber and insatiate 

7 : power as for gold Mark Crassus was. 

Tie Eoman Senate incarnate was he. 
Hephaes. I'd heard as much and glad am I he s gone. 

Of all Rome's soldiers. I would deal with tnee — 

^Vho shows the polished light of clemency. 
Caes. v Ming and Bowing) I follow in the 

Pericle 
id mighty Alexander — Philip's son — 

That gcd-like offshoot of wild Maeedon. 



175 

Greece is the Mother of my intellect — 
Rome Mother of n^ arms. — my toilsome wars. 
Those wars now drawing to a close, I yearn 
For the repose of Greek philosopher 
Who rules an empire with philosophy. 
Hephaes. (Bowing) I'th' name of Greece I thank thee for 

thy praise. 
Cleo. (Smiling) Minerva surely rules this interview. 

Caes. (Smiling and Bowing) That Goddess in thy guise 

before me stands. 
Cleo. (Smiling) I thank thee Caesar for thy compliment. 

And now methinks the time draws on apace 
When we should settle just where we do stand 
I'th' warlike game whose prize is, Egypt's crown. 
Hephaes. Thy point fair Queen is taken adm'rably. 
Caes. I stand for Cleopatra, Egypt's Queen — 

To place thee on the throne have I now come. 
(Hephaestion Gives a Sigh of Satisfaction. Cleo- 
patra Smiles Radiantly at Caesar and Says) — 
Cleo. I thank thee Caesar for thy valued aid. 
Thy troops and mine will settle the debate 
Which Ptolemy and Pothinus began. 
(Sappho now Emerges from the Tent Clad m 
Greek Costume Befitting a Lady of High Rank. 
Sappho is a Young Woman, Tall, Slender and 
Fair. Of Classic Greek Features, and with a 
Winning and Ready Smile. Her Eyes are Blue. 
She Approaches the Group with Easy Dignity^ 
Saying) — 
Sappho. (Smiling) The air within the tent was somewhat 
warm 
I thought I'd change it by e'en coming out. 
Cleo. (Smiling) Right glad am I thou didst — my Sappho 

fair 
As a lone woman midst these warriors bold 
I 'gan to miss thy presence wondrously. 
(To Caesar) This is my fair right hand in confi- 
dence 
No Queen e'er had a maiden was more true. 
Caes. (Botving to Sappho who Returns his Salute with 

Easy Dignity) — 



176 

Another Greek — judging from thy fair face. 
Sappho. (Blushing and Smiling) The Dictator guessed true 

at his first guess. 
Caes. And now, fair Queen. I take my leave of thee 

Hoping to have a later conference 

Whereat we three may straight perfect our plans 

For carrying on the campaign on this soil. 
Cleo. We name three hours before the set of sun 

For holding our war-council "fore our tent 
Caes. Agreed. Ladies farewell till we do meet again. 
Cleo. Farewell. 

Hephaes. (To Caesar) 111 "company thee to th'outskirts of 

our camp. 
Caes. The honour, warlike Greek, I highly prize. 

(Both men Salute Cleopatra and Sappho and at 

the Head of Caesar's Body-Guard March of the 

stage. So Soon as they Disappear, Cleopatra 

Sighs with Relief and Turning to Sappho Says) 

Cleo. Glad am I that the Roman e'en hath left 

Two men to handle ever is a crowd. 
Sappho. Methought my Queen, you handled them with ease. 
Cleo. That — yes. But ease and pleasure are not always 

one. 
Sappho. (Laughing) Pleasure is only when the man is one? 
Cleo. When the man's one — and — when that man is won. 

Sappho. To win a man is nothing for the Queen. 
Cleo. Xothing or something. That depends withal 

Upon the character o' th' one man won. 
Sappho. Here two men have you won — or I mistake. 
Cleo. Why think'st thou that, my fair and subtle Greek? 

Sappho. Fro'tlv looks of both — and from the tone of both. 
Cleo. Both looks and tone may be but surface deep 

Xone know what's in the heart — what dark thoughts 
sleep. 
Sappho. True my fair Queen most true as general ride 

But not when you men's feelings put to school. 
Cleo. (After a Pause and Dreamily) 

How strikes the Eoman Caesar on thy view \ 
Sappho. A comely man and mild — for all his wars. 
Cleo. (Meditatively) So thought I too. There's nothing 

fierce in him. 



177 

Sappho. Nought. And his record proves that clemency 

Joins with forgiveness towards his direst foes. 
Cleo. But towards his wife he showed not clemency. 

Her he divorced and would not hear a word 

When Clodious to th'sacred rites stole in 

Disguised as female — in a woman's garb 

And in the Bona Dea's mysteries 

Most sacreligiously did push himself. 

Altho' no proof did ever come to hand 

That Caesar's wife was party to his crime — 

Nor ever to his suit gave countenance. 
Sappho. (Laughing) In the intrigues of Rome's society 

Ne'er guessed I that my Queen was so deep learn 'd. 
Cleo. A Queen should know the secrets of all courts 

Of all the Kingdoms which impinge on hers. 
Sappho. Callest thou Rome Kingdom, sweet my Queen! 
Cleo. Not yet in name but 'tis in very fact 

Ever since Caesar seized th'Imperium. 

Enough of this deep talk — it wearies me. 

Affairs of State are well — but in their place. 

Fray tell me which thou thinks't the better man 

Imperial Caesar or Hephaestion? 
Sappho. In looks Hephaestion doth win the day. 

In brains 'tis nip and tuck between the two. 

In heart Hephaestion wins the day "hands down!" 
Cleo. (Smiling) Hephaestion's herald you appear to be. 

Sappho. I herald his points as they appear to me 
Cleo. You seem to have studied deep, Hephaestion. 

Sappho. I study deep what near regards my Queen. 

Since he's thine armed right hand in this thy war 

I've studied him to ascertain if's true. 
Cleo. Methinks he's true, but full presumptuous. 
Sappho. A soldier's love is ever so, my Queen. 
Cleo. (Starting Angrily) Ha ! Dar'st thou name that 

word twixt him and me ! 
Sappho. Any with eyes can see that he doth dote 

Worship and love the very sand you tread 
Cleo. (Coldly) Enough of this I hear his echoing tread. 

(Hephaestion's Firm Martial Step Approaching is 
Now Heard. lie salutes Cleopatra Coldly and 
Draws him.self Up To Attention in Stiff Mili- 
tary Fashion). 



178 

Hephaes. 1% Ad even Tone* > I s&w the Roman Caesar 
from our camp. 

Cleo. \ Ad 1 how doth he impress thee — soldier 

mine i 

Hephaes. v These Last Words, and 'Oder 

tone) As a suave Roman and — an enemy — 

L'Leo. ^ E As ly did he come to us, 

Hephaees. So he did say. But saying is one thing 
And being quite another, gracious Queen. 

Cleo. Tush! You (xreeks are s t - -picious of all mei — 

A franker man than Caesar ne'er saw I. 

Hephaes. Yercingetorix did find him frank enoughs — 
Yet Vercingetorix he put to death. 
Where was his vaunted clemency toward him? 

Cleo. s Ming) Tak'st thou the cudgels for a savage 

A\ 

Hephaes. He ~as a K ing in name and King in deed 

A knightly warrior — a chivalrous 
As e'er bestrode a steed and led the charge! 

Cleo. sar did merely as the Romans do 

Reserved him for his triumph — then him killed. 

Hephaes. That is the very point I urge _ 

K:v boasted clemency ne'er showed its head. 

Cleo. 1 fin Jgh of this. Now mark ichat I shad say. 

I: thou dost care to stand in my good books 
My valiant sir. no more of these black looks 
( . esar is needed to support our cause 
His veteran legions eagles are our own 
^ mee our most we :i ~ :~ mpact he did sag 
Seal and deliver e'en before thine een — 
By -lis unasked support which he did give 
Proffer and offer sans one word from 
With his support ill opposition dies 
And I fnll quietly shall ascend the throne 

:h wily Pothinus did filch from me 
Treading my F flier's will under his feet — 
Hi- will and testament — which plain did 
The throne should be to me and Ptolemy. 
Ptolemy's coo' § T lone 

SI 1 swiftly, presently ascend the throne. 



179 



(Smiling) So no more, sirrah, dost thou look on me 

With eves so sombre in their scrutiny. 

Come to our council at the hour set 

Guard well my warning and do not forget. 

(Hephaestion Boies Coldly and Strides Away). 

Exd of Act I. 



.180 



The Bang 



Edited By 
Alexander Harvey. 



Vol. IX No. 2 Xew York. October 4, 1915 Five Cents 

"SAUK" 

A Tragedy. 

In Three Acts. 

DRAMATIS PERSOXAE. 

Saul. King of Israel. 

Samuel. The Prophet. Former Judge of Israel. 

Jonathan. Son of Saul, and Heir- Apparent to the Throne 

of Israel. 
David. The San, of Jesse. 
Doeg. The Edomite. Formerly Chief Herdsman of Saul. 

Now Head of Saul's Body -Guard. 
Abner. Commander of the Army of Saul, and Saul's 

Cousin. 
The Wltch of Endor. 
RrzPAH. Saul's Queen and Concubine. 
Michal. Princess of the House of Saul. Later. Wife of 

David. 

Place: Palestine. 



181 



Act I. Scene I. 

Time\ An hour before sunrise. 

(The Royal Palace m Gibeah of Saul. Saul's bedroom. 
This room is large and lofty. The only door in the 
room is at the rear. At the right of the stage is 
Saul's bed. A wide low couch having over it hangings of 
silk, of Tyrian purple. As the curtain rises Saul is discov- 
ered tossing uneasily on his couch. The coverings of said 
couch are merely soft dark green stuff resembling blankets 
but much lighter in texture. The night robe of Saul differs 
only from his Kingly robe m being simpler in design — the cut 
is the same, namely, reaching to the feet and slightly open at 
the neck. The texture is the finest lamb's wool dyed a deep 
red. There is a hanging lamp of antique pattern, of soldd 
silver suspended by a silver chain in the centre of the room 
depending from the rafters of the ceilmg. Saul's spear is at 
his couch's head by his right hand. His sword is suspended 
from a post at his Isft. His shield rests by his 1 spear. In a 
coimer is seen his helmet and breastplate. His clothing is 
thrown in a confused mass upon a smaller couch across the 
room. After tossing uneasily for a few moments the King 
awakes with a start and gases wildly about him. He breathes 
heavily and almost instantly grasps his spear, leaping out of 
bed at the same time and gazing with fierce penetrating 
glances into every corner of the room which is bare of aU fur- 
niture except what has been described). 

Saul By Almighty God my soul in torment is! 

The Spirit from the Lord doth torment me 
The Spirit foul sent at Jehovah's word 
To punish me for sparing Amalek — 
For harkening unto the people's wish 
That I spare Agag and his mighty herds 



182 



Of sheep and oxen fat as Bashan's bulls 
To make a sacrifice unto the Lord 
In place of killing everything that breathed 
As Jah ordained byth* mouth of Samuel 
From that day forth am I a haunted man! 
Haunted b}>- this foul Demon from the Fit 
Which preys upon me when I wake or sleep. 
Anon It goes and I am Saul again 
Saul King of Israel — afraid of naught ! 
Anon It swoops upon me like a vulture foul 
And drags my soul unto the depths of Hell — 
Where it is smothered in a sea of woe — 
Unnerves my courage and unmans my soul 
Making me fearful as a timid maid 
Afraid to see her shadow in the dusk — 
When only stars are out and moon there's none. 
Anon It tortures me and makes me fierce — 
Fierce to shed blood — and shed it out of hand — 
That instant — while the mood doth prey on me. 
Nought can I do to master the vile Thing — 
Save that I will not let It make me kill. 
Would to the Lord It would take human shape 
That I might grapple It and take Its life 
Or pierce it with my spear and see It die 
And rid me of Its Hellish tyranny. 
Mine health is sound in body as in mind 
/ know what aileth me and thus am sane 
And that this 111 will go — (a sombre pause) but — 

come — again, 
{After a pause) I'll call me Doeg the stout 
Edomite 
His stolid countenance cloth hearten me 
To face the worst Jehovah e'en can send. 
Ho! Doeg. Thou Benjamite — come to thy King. 
{Enter Doeg in full armour, with a spear in his 
right hand, and a shield on his arm — his sward 
at his side. Doeg is a powerful man of sulhn 
and forbidding countenance. In the prime of 
life. Tie has a scar running a < ross his 
shaven face from the, left <■>/< -brow, down his 
left cheek asd across his chin made by a sword 



183 

stroke in battle. His voice is a low harsh g ut- 
ter al. He bows low to the King and says) : 
Doeg. An 't please the King his servant stands at hand. 

Saul. Well come stout Doeg, G — d! my soul's in Hell 

Tossing and tumbling in her waves of flame — 
I dreamed I'd lost the crown — and then awoke. 
Doeg. (Smiling grimly) Dreams go by contraries, my 

mighty liege. 
Dismiss the dream and be thyself once more — 
That self that is the Host of Israel's pride/ 
To follow into battle at thy call — ■ 
To hear thy clarion voice wild sound the charge 
As thou dost leap upon the sons of Amalek 
As leaps a leopard on a mountain ram ! 

(Saul sighs deeply and begins to pace the cham- 
ber in long stately strides carrying his javelin 
at arm's length, grasped in the middle — the 
muscles of Ms powerful wrist standing out 
Uke cords, as he grips the spear — the arm rigid 
as though about to spring into a relaxed atti- 
tude and hurl the weapon.) 
Saul. Thy words, stout Doeg, do recall the joy 

I ever feel when battle's in the wind. 
But I would speak with Kizpah — call my Queen 
I long to gaze upon her dauntless face — 
That face as proud as it is beautiful 
That face that facing Death would smile in scorn 
And bid the King of Terrors do his worst. 
Doeg. (B owing low) I go my liege to notify the Queen. 

(Exit). 
Saul. Now shall my sombre spirit find repose. 

(Pacing slowly up and down the apartment, but 
far less tragically. His arm, relaxed. The 
spear carried at a trail. He has hardly taken 
three turns of the room before Doeg enters and 
bowing low says in a low subdued voice) — 
Doeg. My mighty liege — the Queen. 

(There is a soft rustling sound heard and Kizpah 
enters. ) 



184 

Constructive genius of the finest kind is manifested by 

John Armstrong Chaloner in nearly every dc bis trag- 

edy of "Saul." 

The play is wrought in so deft, so sure a fashion that its 
effe :: of unity alone would hold a re:, ler's intei st The - 
is told irresistibly. 

rhe h n :terSj too, are realize vividly, sympathetically. 
Sanl is humanized for as with no sacrifice whatevei 
atmosphere investing him as a being in direct contact with tile 
supernatural forces. On the ther hand, he is very actual. 
One is made fcc z-t\ while reading this play that it all hap- 
pened. 

Sanl, again, is effectively contrasted with the ithers in 
the tragedy is he bares his burdened soul to each in turn. 
The subtle Eizpah is precisely what Saul's Queen must have 
been. She is the more impressive because of the blend of 
action with debate which is so characteristic of this latest 
Chaloner play. I once heard Cecil Chesterton say that very 
good play could he made out of a debate, John Armstrong 
Chaloner has not made his tragedy of "Saul" out of a de- 
re. It conveys an impression of action, tense and vigorous. 
from the opening lin- : the glorious wca Is : the 

But Mr. Chaloner has had the wisdom to refrain from 
what has been called the " ::- -;preme" of the French play- 
wrights. He has not assembled a lot of chars sters in any 
scene and there abandon- them to their own conversation. 
Every word is vital to the tremendous issue, promoting the 

::: n. There is no halt. Merely as a great story gn 
told this play is triumph of narrative art. It illustrates the 
neglected truth that when a great story is told greatly, its 

tness is apparent, d t otherwise, A gre : story may be 
told so badly as to seem 

The success of Mr. Chaloner in this play is s onse- 

qnence >f more th n >ne f : :. but he must h ve t iled with 
- tremendous a theme, as anyone mi st ve failed, but for the 
spirituality of his wh tude to his subject. The inir 

ness of his f ith in : st : . : t humility of his 

own self-effacement in unfolding it. the perfection with which 
he has gone to the heart of it — these are a few only of the 
- power over his re 

Wh I ssed me from the first sire \ the play was 



185 

its penetration by this spiritual quality. The atmosphere, the 
mood and the very inspiration are so directly out of the Bible 
that every character as well as every scene contributes to an 
inexplicably startling effect. 

The influence of such a woman as Rizpah upon such a 
type as Saul is an element difficult to deal with in any cir- 
cumstances, but here it is managed with an absolute delicacy. 
She comes before us as a beautiful female of the odalisque 
type, given to wild worship of an alien goddess. 

Michal, that Princess of the house of Saul who later be- 
comes the wife of David, is sketched into the piece subtly not 
merely by way of contrast with Bizpah, although that is 
effected as well, but as a character essential to the develop- 
ment of the piece. Bizpah and Michal, the two eternal types 
of woman, are living commentaries upon the character of 
the two men. All that is of the senses is given expression 
through the sheer physical vehemence of Saul's devoted spouse. 
The spirituality of Michal is discerned as a reflection from 
the soul of David. In fact, an arresting feature of Mr. Chal- 
oner's play is this very introduction of the feminine factor in 
its appealing forms without the slightest descent from the in- 
herent loftiness of his theme. 

His Witch of Endor is worthy of the great climax which 
affords her a setting. There is little of the weird sister in 
the tall, graceful woman with plentiful dark hair who paces 
to and fro in her abode on the highroad to Beersheba, In 
this avoidance of a gratuitous morbidity Mr. Chaloner reveals 
again the good taste and the unerring instinct which never 
failed him at any stage of the composition of this work. 

The remorselessness with which every irrelevancy has 
been excised from the action makes the catastrophe a thing 
of breathless interest. The climax when the Witch announces 
the coming of Samuel has all the qualities of the "scene a 
faire." For, to the French, a play is simply a "scene" to 
be "made." Everything leads up to this great scene, puts us 
in the mood for it, renders it intelligible and convincing. 
In this respect considered by itself, without reference to any 
of the other »uolities I have indicated the "Send" of John 
Armstrong Chaloner is one of the few great plays written by 
anyone now living 



y literary 

DJ 

Ah. Chs Loner's . ank verse 

form was soond. since it enables him to attain u 
)le s Lemnity o: ... 

iosI ... aevei sink 

3SS. 

SAUI/S MEDITATION UPON DAVID. 
I : Dm "Saul 57 ; a Ti . _ 

This --" :..:: son of Jesse is my bane. 

Do what I may. his fortune conquers mine. 

Killing Goliath won the people's heart. 

Their hero since that clay he's surely been. 

Returning from the spoil >f that great day — 

The day Goliath died and all Philistia 

Did flee before the hosts of Israel — 

Returning from the slaughter of the foe — 

Whom we lid mow down as one mo 1- : the grass — 

The women sang a song of ecstasy 

Which was an insult dire as e'er I heal . 

"Saul has slain his th as nds 73 — 'twas thus it ran 

"And David his ten thousands-thousands ten. 73 

*. >.= * * * # * * # 

N oght can I Ic : rid me of that man. 
Uis : rtune brings him through the lirest straits. 
• d the peopleTI name him kiv_g. 

That lit me like an adder in the gi iss. 

I'd rather risk this Spirit sent from Be 11 — 
Which since his Mining hath been subjugate 
Flying at once his : _ rs I p — 

T: sk my Kingdom thro' his popularity 

Michal 1 fcl im with a perfect love 

Her life s3 'd lay down if 'twould ransom h - 
"With Jonathan the thing is ] st belief 
His! - ssel - ve in -trensrth! 

Pie David loves as David were his soul — 



187 

Its like have I nor seen nor heard' twixt men 
One would think Jonathan were not my heir — 
Heir to my crown and all its grand domain. 
By Abraham's beard, it passeth all belief. 
The Heir- Apparent sleeping on his rights 
As Heir- Apparent whilst another steals 
The favour of his people day by day. 
I'll save my throne e'en if I risk my soul 
And have a Fiend from Hell to wrestle with! 

JOHN ARMSTRONG CHALONER. 
Copyright by Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, N. C. 



New York EVENING SUN, October 12, 1915. 
THE SUN DIAL. 
"Scorpio" Stings Again. 

"English Bards and Scotch Reviewers Brought Up to 
Date," by the Author of "Scorpio," who is none other than 
John Armstrong Chaloner, is a sonnet series attacking certain 
New York newspaper critics who have attacked Mr. Chaloner 's 
earlier poems in years past. 

A perusal of it makes us glad that we were always too 
cautious to criticise 'Mr. Chaloner. Here is one of the son- 
nets in which he gets back at a critic : 

This clown starts out wth a most rattling lie — 
Says in plain words we cannot write blank verse 
And aims to back his malice helplessly 
Showing an ignorance that's even worse! 
The greatest work on English Prosody — 
A work that's monumental in its reach — 
By the deep learn'd Professor Saintsbury — 
For that epochal work, lo ! we now reach. 
His "History Short of Lit'rature" also — 
Of English Lit'rature, of course we mean — 
For this same clown will spell a Hellblack woe 
That we^ve writ by the card is therein seen. 
Training New York's wild critics is our task 
Savage Yahoos who in vile ignorance bask! 



188 

After that picture of the "History Short of Literature" 
and "Scorpio" reaching toward each other to discomfort the 
reckless critic, who would dare be that critic? Not we! 

But to lift lines from their context is seldom fair to a 
writer; the full flavor of "Scorpio" only comes out in the 
complete sonnet. As we read the one which follows we again 
thanked heaven that we had never been among the number 
of his critics: 

We "roasted" you so brown in "Scorpio Two" 

No single Gothamite had word to say 

When we with "roasting" you had eke got through 

Silence of Death did shroud that roundelay! 

Not a New York newspaper had a line 

In answer to our vitriolic verse 

Tho' doubtless ye in privacy did whine 

Tho' doubtless us ye sulphurous did curse. 

Flat as a field of turnips laid we you 

Flat as a turnip field — flat as a plate — 

Tis "easy" for us Gotham's press to "do" 

So easy we need not expatiate. 

Ye rogues ye know when master ye have found 

So of your lies swift halted the foul round ! 

The volume ends with a threat which is also a promise. 
Some day "Scorpio" is going to produce all his plays in New 
York: 

The working-man ye cannot e'er keep down — 
We are a working-man — our works prove that — 
Our vitriol shall e'en thy yelps deep drown 
And cause ye stop your "talking thro' your hat." 
In time w'll win our case and get our "pile" 
When we get that ye'll hear the welkin ring 
Our plays we'll stage upon Manhattan's Isle. 
And hit the bull's-eye— make the same go "Ping!" 

We are sure they must be different from most plays we 
have seen. We can't think of any play we'd rather see. 



189 
New York TRIBUNE, October 11, 1915. 

CHALONER VERSE RAKES PARK ROW. 



Author of "Who's Looney" Strikes Fire at Critics 
of His Outbursts. 



PREDICTS TRIUMPH OVER "YELLOW CURS.' 7 



"English Bards and Scotch Reviewers Up To Date" 
Name of Latest Sonnets. 



By a DISTINGUISHED SOUTHERN SHORT-STORY 

WRITER FOR THE MAGAZINES; To Whom the 

Author Sent "English Bards" For Review October, 

1915. 

Mr. John Armstrong Chaloner has paid his respects to 
some of the reviewers of his recent play, "The Serpent of Old 
Nile," in a caustic sequence of sonnets, entitled "English Bards 
and Scotch Reviewers Up-To-Date," just issued from "The 
Palmetto Press," Roanoke Rapids, N. C. 

The New York World and the New York Mornmg Tele- 
graph come in for a major part of Mr. Chaloner's maledictions, 
and in his sequence of sonnets he rips his critics up the back, 
down the front, and across the sides, until their critical gore 
incarnadines every page of his "up-to-date" pamphlet. 

The book is written with the independence of a wood- 
sawyer and the ripping effect of a buzz saw; and what it does 
for the World and the Telegraph may be denominated "a 
plenty." 

These sonnets testify that he knows how to land a solar- 
plexus blow as neatly as John L. in his palmiest days. 

Mr. Chaloner's sonneteering style is modelled on Shake- 
speare's but his methods of expression are as individualistic 
as Walt Whitman's. He may not please everybody especially 
the critics of the World and the Telegraphy but he "gets there 
with both feet" whether the feet be iambs, or troches. 

"Bards and Reviewers Up-To-Date" is characteristically 
unique; and in it Mr. Chaloner demonstrates that, like Alan 
Breck Stewart, he is "a bonnie fighter." As you read the 



190 

sequence, and hear the sword whistle and see the blood spurt, 
you will say. with Stevenson's fighting hero: 

"This is the song of the sword of Alan."" 



Pachniond. Va.. XE W--LEADEE. October 13. 1915. 

-LEAVE ATE ALOXE" MOTTO ABOVE CHAL- 
ONEB CREST, A BEAE. 

John Armstrong Chaloner. of "Merrie Mills." who gave 
the English speaking race a new phrase — "Who's Looney 
Now f ' — has just published a satirical poem. "English Bards 
and Scotch Beviewers Up to Date." The crest of Mr. Chal- 
oner is a grizzly bear walking quietly along with the motto. 
"Leave me alone." This motto is amply lived up to by the 
author in his scorpion-like attack upon those Xew York papers 
which failed to leave him alone. 



191 



BRITISH REVIEWS 



ABEEDEEX FREE PRESS, 30 Union St., Aberdeen, Scot- 
land, March 12, 1916. 

"Pieces of Eight,"" by J. A. Chaloner. '(North Carolina; 
Palmetto Press. 25 cents.) 

Mr. Chaloner who is an American and strongly pro-Ally, 
denounces the Germans in a series of sonnets, entitled "The 
Swine of the Gadarenes. ?? Aiming deliberately at the fierce- 
ness of Swift, he does not mince his words in so good a 
cause. Here are the opening lines of his first sonnet: 

The swine o* tlv Gadarenes are here once more, 
That demon-haunted herd now scours the earth, 
Led by Bill William Two, their great wild boar; 
Their antics, ? pon my soul, give cause for mirth! 
In massed formation do they charge pell-mell, 
Showing less judgment than a herd of swine; 
In massed formation are they sent to Hell — 
That's where dead Germans go I dare opine. 

Mr. Chaloner tells us that the first eight sonnets were 
offered free to several American newspapers but were refused. 
This could not, he thinks, have been owing to their lack of 
quality, for "anyone can see that they are correct iambic 
pentameters. 7 ' We wonder what more those American editors 
could want than correct iambic pentameters! 



OUTLOOK, 167 Strand, W. S., London, February 19, 1916. 

"Pieces of Eight," by J. A. Chaloner. (Xorth Carolina 
Palmetto Press. 25 cents.) 

A sequence of twenty-four war sonnets, the first eight of 
which were offered to various American newspapers and re- 



192 

fused. The sonnets are all condemnatory of Germany, and 
the author suggests that he "aimed at the fierceness of Swift" 
in his denunciation. 



HCDDEKSFIELD WEEKLY EXAMINEE, England. 
February 19. 1916. 

OX THE BAT'S BACK. 

"Where the bee sucks, there lurk I: 

In a cowslip's bell I lie: 

There I couch when owls do cry, 

On the bat's back do I fly 

After summer nierrilv." 



The Tempest. 



PIECES OF EIGHT." 



The Americans are a wonderful people. They have 
given to the world the Declaration of Independence, cock- 
tails, and the poems of Ella Wheeler Willcox. They have 
also produced Mr. John Armstrong Chaloner. of "The Merry 
Mills." Cobham. Albemarle county. Virginia. Lest, in your 
benighted ignorance, you should be unaware of the antece- 
dents and achievements of that gentleman, let me inform you 
in his own words, that he is " an Anglo-Saxon who has also 
the following strains in his veins — namely. Welsh. Scotch 
Scotch-Irish. French. Dutch, and German, and whose pro- 
genitors sailed from Tenby. Wales, in 1710. and landed at 
Charleston. South Carolina — a veritable olla podrida of an- 
cestors, as you will observe. Mr. Chaloner has already made 
the world of letters richer by a treatise on "The Lunacy Laws 
of the World" and a metrical nosegay under the title of 
"Scorpio." He now seeks, under the further influence of the 
divine afflatus, to "unbosom himself upon the European sit- 
uation.' , and does so in a slim volume of twenty-nine sonnets, 
entitled "Pieces of Eight." The dominating strain in our 
sonneteer is evidently British — 

Proud am I that my veins do course thy blood. 
Proud am I that my home's beyond the sea — 
Home o" my fathers — be it understood — 
For Columbia's the home that shelters me — 



193 

and he is vehemently — indeed almost diabolically — pro- Ally. 
His sonnets are grouped together under the engaging title, 
"Swine of the Gaderenes," and he is out (in vulgar parlance) 
to let our enemies "have it in the neck." 

POEMS OF PUGNACITY. 

When "Scorpio" claimed the attention of the Press in 
1908, Lord Alfred Douglas hailed its author, in the columns 
of the Academy as a "metrical bruiser." The appellation is 
apt. Mr. Chaloner goes for his spiritual foes bald-headed, 
and neither gives nor asks for quarter. "How far" he writes, 
"we fall below the standard of fierceness set forever and in 
all tonguefc — bar, possibly, only Juvenal, Voltaire and Lord 
Byron — by the mighty Dean of St. Patrick's — is for others 
to judge." As a humble member of these others / confess 
that for frankness of expression our poet appears to me to 
out-Swift Swift. He writes beneath the American flag, but 
his enthusiasm could not be bettered in London, Paris or 
Petrograd. If he lays on the stripes, he makes his op- 
ponents see stars. Had Mrs. Willcox mothered these 
sonnets, I doubt not that she would have labelled them 
"poems of Pugnacity." They certainly deserve the title. 
Our metrical prize-fighter commences his series with an en- 
gaging little trifle entitled "Pig-Sticking," the introductory 
lines of which run as follows: 

The swine o'th' Gadarenes are here once more, 
That demon-haunted herd now scours the earth, 
Led by Bill William Two, their great wild boar; 
Their antics, 'pon my soul, give cause for mirth! 

"Bill William Two" is left under no possible misappre- 
hension as to the opinion which our author holds of him. 
Elsewhere he is hailed as 

- 

Thou treaty-breaking, perjured potentate, 

and 

Scrofulous leper, with a wither'd arm. 



194 

While Mr. Clialoner puts into the innocent mouth of Mr. 
St. Loe Strachey, the delicate warning: — 

Watch out for that bloody Dutchman, Windy Bill, 
That smug, moustacho'd lanz-knecht, William Two. 

Shades of "my Grandmother"! What would the regular 
readers of The Spectator say, were their editor, indeed to 
address them in this fashion? As for the "psychology" 
of Professor Hugo Munsterberg, of Harvard, Our Modern 
Swift describes it thus : 

Back numberd dry-as-dust rot-gut it be 
Enough to make Emanuel Kant blank stare. 

And as for the enemy, in gross, Mr. Clialoner encourag- 
ingly assures us that 

These gross Sausage-eaters surely haYe no show — 
Less chance than snowball in fell hottest hell. 

A forceful, though not original simile, which I should never 
have thought of myself. 

METRICAL BRUISING. 

Our sonneteer has nothing but contempt for "Jews and 
Gentiles, Bond and free, and All other members and Sup- 
porters of Premature-Peace Societies." His feelings, I dare 
say, are shared by most of us, but we would hardly have 
the temerity to express them as he does. As thus: — 

Ye piffling little squirts that drape the earth, 
or 

Lying fakers who the tin horn toot. 

Mr. W. R. Hearst, the American press magnate who "for 
palpably selfish ends yells for premature-peace in Europe/' 
comes in for a similar lash of the whip — "and id hoc genus 
omne" as our poet puts it. 



195 

Ye pimps and panders of the daily press 
Pimping your vicious wares e'en day by day, 
Ye make me smile — e'en laugh — I must confess, 
The way ye do your blooming public u play." 
Flim-flam and buncombe are your stock-in-trade 
"Hot-air" hypocrisy your longest suit. 

To this friendly greeting is appended a foot-note, which 
concludes: "Mr. W. E. Hearse (we spell it this way inten- 
tionally, since his character acts as funeral casket for his 
vaulting political hopes) we are informed, owns rather a 
large tract of land in Mexico. Eh ! What ! And also prints 
a German edition of the Evening Journal. Eh! What! 77 
I myself feel pretty strongly about some of our British news- 
paper magnates, but I should not venture to castigate them 
with quite such vehemence as that. But Mr. Chaloner has 
no such qualms. He sees what he calls elsewhere "the cold, 
hard, undodgeable, non-lie -out able faef- that Premature-Peace 
people whether here, or in the United States, are flaying 
Germany's game, and, having seen it, he has no hesitation in 
expressing his opinion- in fitting language. .Nor has he any 
doubts as to the issue of the war. He speaks confidently of 
a time "when Germany shall have been crushed between the 
upper and nether millstone — between the Colossus of the North 
and France — and her undaunted but tottering ally, Austria — 
a house divided into three warring sections against itself — 
Teuton — Magyar — and Slav — shall have been actually dismem- 
bered" ! I wonder how the printer keeps up 

with the demand for dashes! 

AMERICA AXD THE ALLIES. 

I hope that in the improbable event these lines reach 
Mr. Chaloner's eye. he will forgive me for chaffing him so 
freely. For I appreciate, as any Englishman must, the deep 
and sincere sympathy for the Allied cause which has dictated 
these sonnets, and the passionate hatred of the Prussian mili- 
tary machine which breathes through every line of them. And 
I believe that, for all President Wilson 7 s silence, our sonneteer 
expresses the feelings of the majority of his fellow-country- 
men. America is with us in this struggle. Whether she as- 



196 

sures us of her sympatic in the shattering denunciations 
of Mr. Chaloner, or in the gentler cadences of less strenuous 
voices, we accept and value all that is involved in her support. 
We understand her problems no better than she under- 
stands ours, and perhaps if we were in the place of Mr. 
Wilson, we should have played no more dramatic part. 
But it is an immense asset to the cause of the Allies — not only 
now, but for the future — that the citizens of the United States 
should have passed judgment upon our enemies as unmistaka- 
bly as they have done, and that after full discussion and con- 
sideration. America has her quarrel with us over the block- 
ade — a quarrel which foolish folk would have us exacer- 
bate — but it is a quarrel of legal nicety rather than of moral 
responsibility. With Germany her quarrel — as is abundantly 
evident in these sonnets — is that of civilization, outraged and 
ravished by Prussian "necessity." Many Americans, as we 
know, are fretted by their President's impassivity. Mr. Chal- 
oner is one of them. He strains at the leash and fumes to 
be off on the trail. But I think we are justified in assuring 
him and all who think with him, that we in this country ap- 
preciate the sympathy which we know to be ours, and realize 
the great services which American men and women have al- 
ready rendered to the cause of humanity in the war. If we 
wish for something more, that is only natural. But for what 
we have already received, we are grateful. 

AKIEL. 



HAMPSHIRE INDEPENDENT, England, February 10, 
1916. 

"Pieces of Eight 77 is a long pamphlet, by Mr. John Arm- 
strong Chaloner, the author of "Scorpio' 7 , a copy of which 
is sent us by the publishers, the Palmetto Press, of Roanoke 
Rapids, North Carolina, U. S. A. It embodies a sequence 
of twenty-four war sonnets by Mr. Chaloner, who is "an 
Anglo-Saxon, who has also the following strains in his veins, 
namely, Welsh, Scotch, Scotch-Irish, French, Dutch, and Ger- 
man, and whose progenitors sailed from Tenby, in Wales, in 
1710, and landed at Charleston. South Carolina, 77 and the 
writer desires through its pages to unbosom himself upon the 



197 

present European situation. He is no pro-German. Listen to 
what he writes about u The Kaiser": — 

'"Thou treaty-breaking, perjured potentate! 
Blaspheming with thy lips the God of Truth 
Each time that thou dost dare asseverate 
That 'God is on thy side' — thou great uncouth ! 
The fate of Ananias hangs o'er thee 
That sword of Damocles o'er thee suspends 
And in the end thou shalt fiat ruined be 
When in the ''rechnung^ thou dost pay amends. 
Thy mighty ancestor Frederick the Great 
Turns in his grave at sight of thy foul deed 
Which makes all true men the name German hat© 
As synonym for bloodshed and for greed. 
My German blood doth curse thee to deep Hell 
A curse as black as rhyme and reason spell." 

This is dated September First, 1914, so that Mr. Chaloner 
soon formed his opinion of the Master Hun. His other son- 
nets — several are in French — are in much the same view, all 
in denunciation of German treachery and murderous intent, 
and of praise of the bravery of the heroes of Belgium and 
of the Allies generally. 



THE ENFIELD OBSERVES, England, February 19, 1916. 
EDITOR'S TABLE. 

An American Champions The Entente. 

There is no beating about the bush in the war sonnets 
by an American, John Armstrong Chaloner, and published 
under the singular title "Pieces of Eight." Cosmopolitan in 
blood, he has brought together, within the compass of some 
fifty pages, scathing condemnation of German war methods, 
addressing the Kaiser as "Thou treaty-breaking perjured po- 
tentate"; tells supporters of Premature-Peace Societies that 
"your antics shew what cowards can be found in big Amer- 



198 

ica"; and, singing of the British Empire, declares that "The 
English-speaking race for aye is one. And all who brave it 
to defeat go down." Appendix notes which elaborate the 
themes of the sonnets should leave the reader in no doubt as 
to which side the writer's sympathies incline, and amongst 
various reprints contributed to American journals is a fore- 
cast, written August, 1914. that the war u:iU last more like 
three years than three months: that France will reverse 1870 
. . . and that France, Russia and Great Britian will become 
the police force of Europe. This interesting little publication 
comes from the Palmetto Press. Eoanoke Rapids, North Caro- 
lina, and is priced at 25 cents. 



DOESET COUNTY CHRONICLE. England. February 17, 
1916. 

"Pieces of Eight" is the title of a sequence of twenty-four 
war sonnets by John Armstrong Chaloner (author of "Scor- 
pio"), in which an "Anglo-Saxon with Welsh. Scotch. Scotch- 
Irish. French. Dutch, and German blood, and whose progeni- 
tors sailed from Tenby, in 1710." unbosoms himself upon the 
European situation. Mr. Chaloner is a well-known American, 
and in these full-blooded verses he utters scathing contempt 
for the Hun and all his works. The "pieces" were apparently 
too much for the New York papers, for they refused publica- 
tion, and so Mr. Chaloner sends them over here in this form 
(price 25 cents). It is a fierce judgment which he passes on 
the Kaiser: "Scrofulous leper with a withered arm." "crip- 
pled German clown." are phrases in one of the sonnets, though 
the poet is careful to say that he means moral and not Asiatic 
leprosy. Mr. Chaloner evidently hates the German thoroughly, 
and he fairly lets himself go. They are clever sonnets, too. 
and because they are so hiohly finished they are the mwe 
deadly. The book issues from the Palmetto Press. Roanoke 
Rapids, Xorth Carolina. 



199 



MONMOUTHSHIRE EVENING POST, England, Wednes- 
day, March 1, 1916. 

"PIECES OF EIGHT." 

"Pieces of Eight" is a sequence of twenty-four war songs, 
by John Armstrong Chaloner, author of "Scorpio," published 
at 25 cents, by the Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, Noiih 
Carolina. The author, who describes himself as "an Anglo- 
Saxon who has also the following strains in his veins, namely, 
Welsh, Scotch, Scotch-Irish, French, Dutch, and German, and 
whose progenitors sailed from Tenby, Wales, in 1710, and 
landed at Charleston, South Carolina," is a very emphatic 
sympathiser with the Allies, and in these sonnets he does not 
mince his words. He apostrophises the Germans in the very 
strongest terms, and there is an inclination at times to sacri- 
fice poetry for denunciation. There can he no mistaking the 
virility of these sonnets, however. 



THE BRIDPORT NEWS, and DORSET, DEVON AND 
SOMERSET ADVERTISER, 

Bridport, England, February 18, 1916. 

REVIEWS. 

"Pieces of Eight," — One would naturally conclude that a 
book bearing this title liad something to tell us of the Spanish 
Main and the prizes of the cruel and haughty buccaneers of 
of the 16th and 17th centuries, but it has a far different pur- 
pose. As a matter of fact, it is a small volume of twenty- 
four war sonnets, entitled "The Swine of the Gadarenes," by 
Mr. John Armstrong Chaloner, and published by the Pal- 
metto Press, Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina. The title 
"Pieces of Eight" refers to the first eight sonnets in this se- 
quence, which were refused publication, although offered free, 



200 

by the New York Herald, the New York American, and the 
Boston Advertiser. They are cleverly written sonnets in praise 
of the Allies and in condemnation of the murdering Huns. 
Sonnet Five, which we reproduce, will give an idea of the 
intensity of feeling against the German outrages on the part of 
the author, who in this respect, represents the feeling of the 
civilized world. It is addressed: 

TO THE GERMAN ARMY OFFICERS: 

Who were your Mothers? The foul hags of Hell? 

And who your Fathers? Who? Fiends incarnate? 

And do your sisters, prithee, harlot spell? 

The premise to this sonnet thus I state. 

How otherwise could ye foul do a thing 

That's left to negroes wild, and savages? 

Outrage so ghastly that the world doth ring 

With your most Hellish Belgian ravages! 

Were justice to be done your Kaiser'd fall 

He and his Hellish brood would be cut oil' 

And your flayed hides would form their funeral pall 

In coldest frame I write — not lightsome scoif. 

Ye act like a band of drunken Malays 

Who as acts of God rape and arson appraise. 



THE DEVON AND EXETER GAZETTE, Exeter, Eng- 
land, February 22, 1916. 

"Pieces of Eight" is a somewhat strange title to a book 
of verse, published by the Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, 
North Carolina. It is a sequence of twenty-four War Sonnets 
by John Armstrong Chaloner. Originally the sequence con- 
sisted of eight — hence the title. But others were added with- 
out the name being changed. We only can say the poetry is 
of a strong order — in fact, the author says "nothing but the 
dire — the awful cataclysm — now unfolding itself on the field 
of Europe, and our desire to stand by civilization, truth, and 
honour — as shown by regard for a nation's pledged word in 
a treaty — could have induced us to brave the possible storm of 



201 

protest at the strength of our denunciation in 'Pieces of Eight' 
and accompanying sonnets — or sullen silence of cold disap- 
proval. . . . We aim at the fierceness of Swift when we de- 
nounce. How far we fall below the standard of fierceness set 
forever and in all tongues — bar, possibly, only Juvenal, Vol- 
taire, and Lord Byron — by the mighty Dean of St. Patrick's — 
is for others to judge. 7 ' Here is a sample of the poet's aroused 
feelings. Addressing the Kaiser, he says: — 

"Thou treaty-breaking, perjured potentate! 
Blaspheming with thy lips the God of Truth 
Each time that thou dost dare asseverate 
That 'God is on thy side' — thou great uncouth ! 
The fate of Ananias hangs o'er thee." 

But while the pen is dipped in gall to word-paint our 
enemies, Mr. Chaloner is full of eulogies for the brave Bel- 
gians^ — 

"Nation of heroes! men proud, superb, and strong — 
Who for Liberty like water pour your blood! 
'Strong as Death for Liberty' is your war song. 
'Strong as our faith in Jesus Christ His rood' ". 

He has some sarcastic lines for England in his sonnet on 
Lord Roberts — the "stark old warrior and soldier fine," who 
"foretold Britian's peril line by line." Mr. 'Chaloner is right — 
the voice of "Bobs" did cry in the wilderness alone, the people 
slept the sleep of Laish the lost. 

"Now for their folly do they dear atone 
Now do they train armed millions — ah! the cost. 
Old hero ! Thy wise words are writ in blood ! 
Hereafter armed will he British manhood" 

We wish we could subscribe to the latter sentiment. To- 
day there is still too much of the policy of "Wait and See" to 
be at all certain that Britain will ever be armed as she should 
be. The book is one which will arouse one's feelings to, at 
least, a vigorous denunciation of our enemies and a kindly ap- 
preciation of the great acts of heroism on the part of our 
Allies. One feels decidedly better after reading the sonnets. 



202 

JOHN O'GBOAT'S JOURNAL. Friday. March 10. 1916. 
and WEEKLY ADVERTISER for the counties of 
Caithness, Sutherland, Ross. Cromarty. Orkney, and Zet- 
land. Scotland. 

LITERATURE. 

SMASHING SOXXETS. 

"Pieces of Eight" is the somewhat striking title of a large 
pamphlet by John Armstrong Chaloner. author of "Scorpio."' 
and issued by the Palmetto Press. Roanoke Rapids. Xorth Caro- 
lina, price 25 cents, or Is. The "Pieces of Eight" are war son- 
nets, and there are many others, all characterized by extremely 
vigorous expression, the emphasis of independent thought be- 
ing more evident even than the poetical quality of the lines. 
We like Mr. Chaloners straight hitting, and should like to 
meet him and say "shake I" In what he calls his prologue he 
gives the Breakers of Treaties a bit of his mind, and its to 
be hoped they 11 profit by it. The sonnets and prose letters 
are even, more direct in their sledge-hammer style than the 
prologue, and if the author aims at the fierceness of Swift 
when, he denounces, he certainly does not fall far below the 
standard set by the mighty Dean of St. Par ride's:' The gen- 
eral heading of the sonnets is "The Swine of the Gadarenes/ 7 
and thus he opens: — 

The swine o" th' Gaderenes are here once more, 
That demon-haunted herd now scours the earth. 
Led by Bill William Two. their great wild boar" : — 

Enough said. 



ATHENAEUM, London. March. 1916. 

Chaloner (John Armstrong). Pieces Of Eight: a sequence of 
24 war-sonnets. Roanoke Rapids. Xorth Carolina. Pal- 
metto Press. 1914. 9 in. 65 pp. pamphlet, 25 cents. 

A collection of thirty-two violent journalistic sonnets, 
twenty-nine of which are grouped under the title "The Swine 



203 

of the Gaderenes." In this invective against the Germans the 
author takes Swift as his model, and the sledge-hammer as 
his weapon, but is likely to confuse the reader by filling up 
so much space (32 pp.) with notes, comments, extracts from 
newspaper reports, and reviews of his previous work. 



PULLENS KENT ARGUS, September 30, 1916, Ramsgate. 

LITERATURE. 

"Jupiter Tonans." — We have once more been favored with 
a series of sonnets by Mr. John Armstrong Chaloner, the 
author of "Scorpio," "Pieces of Eight," &c, and once more 
the author puts his pro-British thoughts into powerful 
words, as evidenced by the epilogue: — 

And now farewell forever and a day ! 

No more advice to Britain do we give. 

We did mean well in all that we did say 

If we have chafed thy feelings: — pray forgive. 

We now retire forever from the world 

And all our time devote unto the Muse 

In Whose sweet service is our incense curled 

Who aids us when our rights our foes abuse. 

These sweet Virginia Woodlands are our home 

We love the people and we love the clime 

No more through the broad world shall we bold roam 

But worshipping the Muses pass our time. 

Farewell bold Britons! We be of one blood. 

So help me G — d, I've writ but for thy good! 



KENT MESSENGER, October 1, 1916. Maidstone. 

REVIEWS. 

"Jupiter Tonans" (Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, 
North Carolina) , is a sequence of seven sonnets by Mr. John 



204 

Armstrong Chaloner, who continues the scathing contempt 
which he has previously shown for the Hun and all hi9 works, 
while he tenders advice to "Albion." 



THE ATHENAEUM, London, England, January, 1917. 

Chaloner (John Armstrong). Jupiter Tonans: a se- 
quence of seven sonnets. Eoanoke Kapids, North Carolina, 
.Palmetto Press, 1916. 9% inches, 27 pp., paper. 

This collection of verse shows us something of what 
Mr. Chesterton called "rich badness"; it is the effusion, in 
several cascades, so to speak, of all-round invective. The 
author is quite right in saying at the end of his Prologue : — 

Prepare bold Britons, for a dreadful time 

When ye do turn the page and read our rhyme. 



The HARROGATE HERALD. England, Sept. 2, 1916. 

NOTES ON BOOKS. 

"Jupiter Tonans" by John Armstrong Chaloner, the 
author of "Scorpio," "Pieces of Eight," is a sequence of seven 
sonnets arising out of the war. There is a gentle irony and 
a perverse humour running through the verses that mark them 
out from the usual war sonnets. Truth is quaintly expressed, 
whilst there is a piquancy about the criticism which gives it 
a flavour. It is published by the Palmetto Press. 



205 



What the Law Reviews Have to Say About 

"The Lunacy Law of The World' ' 

by J. A. Chaloner. 



XOBTHEASTEBX KEPOETES. 

St. Paul. Minn., July. 190T. 

"The Palmetto Press, Eoanoke Eapids. X. C, lias 
printed a book on "The Lunacy Law of the AYc-rld," by J. A. 
Chaloner, of the same place. It is an examination of the laws 
of each of the States and Territories, and of the Six Great 
Powers of Europe, on this subject, and is in terms a very 
severe arraignment of most of them. It would appear that 
the iniquitous system against which Charles Eeacle waged 
war has by no means disappeared. People may still be in- 
carcerated in insane asylums without notice, and without an 
opportunity to be heard, either in person or by attorney : and 
once in an asylum, a patient has little protection against the 
keepers. They may be wise, and kind, but the instances of 
cruelty which occasionally reach the public indicate that this. 
is not a safe assumption. Mr. Chaloner holds a brief for the 
accused, and pats his case very strongly, but, in viae of the 
cases he cites, it would be impossible to state the matter too 
strongly. Pie says: 

"A survey of the field of Lunacy Legislation the world 
over presents to-day an appalling spectacle. It affords, to put- 
it mildly, the strongest card in favor of anarchy — of no law — 
ever laid upon the table of world-politics; and throws into 
lamentable relief the fact that in about forty per cent, of the 
States and Territories of the United States neither the 
Bench — with many honorable exceptions — the Bar nor the 
Legislature, can be entrusted with safeguarding that funda- 
mental principle of libertv, the absolute rights of the indi- 
vidual." 

"The book should awaken public interest in an important 
matter." 



206 

THE OHIO LAW BULLETIN. 

Norwalk, Ohio. July 29. 1907. 
"Chaloner. Lunacy Law of the World. 
A criticism of the practice of adjudging persons incom- 
petent and depriving them of their liberties without due 

process of lau\ fortified by decisions of the courts, is the 
theme upon which the author has developed this interesting 
and instructive work. The lunacy law of all the States of 
the L~nion and six of the Great Powers of Europe are re- 
viewed, and surprising as it may seem, nearly half of the 
States and Great Britain fail to require notice of the inqui- 
sition to be given the alleged lunatic or incompetent : twenty- 
four of the States and Germany and Great Britain fail to 
afford him opportunity to appear and be heard. The author 
makes it conclusively appear that there is needed revision of 
these laws. Edited by J. A. Chaloner. counsellor at law. 
Published by the Palmetto Press. Eoanoke Rapids. X. C. 



THE OKLAHOMA LAW JOURNAL. 

Guthrie. Oklahoma, September. 1907. 
;, The Lunacy Law of the TTorld. 
1 By J. A. Chaloner. 

Published by the Palmetto Press. 

Roanoke Rapids. X. C. 
This is a volume of nearly four hundred pages, well 
printed, but bound in paper covers — a point always detri- 
mental to the sale as well as the dignity of a law book. How- 
ever, when- the contents are carefully read and reflected 
upon*, it is found one of the lest and most needed books that 
has appeared for many years. 

The subject of Lunacy Law in spite of all the legislation 
we have had in other departments, has received little atten- 
tion. In fact, it is little better than when Charles Reade 
wrote his book entitled "Hard Cash." The fact that many 
mentally deranged persons are incapable of comprehending 
the nature of the steps taken to place them in custody, the 
custom has become prevalent that no process is needed to 
place them on trial as to their sanity. It is to be remembered 



207 

that in every State of the Union, and in fact, in every country 
of the world, fraud has been perpetrated on men and women 
of means by greedy relatives and the unfortunate ones placed 
in asylums for no other purpose than to secure control of 
their property. And further it should be remembered that 
one once adjudged insane if he cannot secure a hearing of his 
right to restoration through the influence of true friends he 
is forever barred of the right to be heard. He has lost the 
standing of a citizen. There is much in Mr. ^Chaloner 's book 
that should be ivell studied by every lawyer and legislator as 
to what should be done to secure the constitutional rights of 
every one alleged to be of unsound mind. The book care- 
fully goes over the law of lunacy in the forty-five States and 
territories as well as that of the leading nations of Europe." 



LANCASTER LAW REVIEW. 

Lancaster, Pa., September 30, 1907. 
By J. A. Chaloner, Counsellor at law 

Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, N". C. 

The work is a review of the lunacy laws of the States 
and Territories of this country together with those of Great 
Britain, France, Italy, Germany, Austria and Russia, with 
a view of showing their defects mainly in regard to afford- 
ing proper protection to the alleged lunatic. 

To those of us who have been accustomed to look with 
complacency on our lunacy laws, remembering how lunatics 
were thrown into dungeons and chained and tortured hut a 
short time ago, this booh brings j^me some startling truths. 
It shows clearly the dangers ojFWhat class of legislation m 
force in England and many of our States (as our own Act of 
April 20, 18,69 P. Z., 78) which permits an alleged lunatic 
to be incarcerated upon the certificate of u two or more repu- 
table physicians.^ 

The author contends that in lunacy proceedings notice 
to the alleged lunatic ought to be absolutely essential and that 
the trial should be by jury in the presence of the alleged 
lunatic; that any other practice is a violation of his consti- 
tutional rights and dangerous, in that it might be used by 
designing relatives for fraudulent purposes. 



208 

The importance of a jury trial in such cases has been 
recognized by Judge Brewster in Com. ex rel vs. Kirkbride, 
2 Brewster, 402. The writ of habeas corpus is not a sufficient 
safeguard. 

In setting forth the importance of allowing the alleged 
lunatic an opportunity to appear, the author says: 

'The test of sanity is a mental test wholly within the 
power of the accused to accomplish and without any wit- 
nesses, professional or lay, to back him up. Suppose two 
paid experts in insanity, in the pay of the other side, swear 
defendant's mind cannot tell what his past history has been — 
that said defendant's mind is a total blank upon the subject. 
Would that professional and paid and interested oath stand 
against the defendants refutation thereof by taking the 
stand and promptly and lucidly giving his past history, pro- 
vided he were afforded his legal privilege of taking the stand 
in place of being kept away from court and having to allow 
his liberty and property to be perjured away from him in 
his enforced absence?' (Page 217). 

Collusion would be very difficult to prove. It has been 
been held that no presumption arises from the fact that the 
parties certifying to the alleged lunacy were in fact mis- 
taken. Williams vs. Le Bar, 141 Pa., 149. 

The subject is an important and interesting one, and the 
booh shows extensive and careful research. It is forcefully 
written and carries conviction." 



LAW NOTES. 



Northport, New York, September, 1007. 
"The Lunacy Law of the World. 

By J. A. Chaloner, Palmetto Press, 

Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina. 1906. Pages 348. 

The writer is assuredly earnest, setting forth the 

unquestionable abuses to which the state of the lunacy laws 
has given rise. 

The exhaustiveness of his research into the question com- 
pels admiration, an author who can work through lunacy law 
from the time of the Emperor Conrad clown to the present/' 



INDEX 

(Hell and The Infernal Comedy) 



Page. 

INTRODUCTION 3^5< 

FOREWORD 7 

Press Notices 7-13 

Letter to Members of Press 14-17 

HELL 18 

Chapter I 18-32 

Hall of Audience 24 

Hell, The Call of 19 

Lake of Fire and Brimstone, The 29 

Message, The £0 

Satan, Appearance of 24 

Chapter II 32-72 

Abner, Son of Ner 64 

Abraham 53 

Apollo 49 

Ashtaroth 64 

Austerlitz 54 

Awakening After Death, Sensation of 32 

Baal 64 

Bed-Chamber of Satan 32 

Brown, Jones, and Robinson, Equation, The 45 

Catechism, The 69-71 

Cell, The 68 

Decrees of Destiny, The 59 

Dragon, The 43 

Duel Between Abner and Goliath 64-66 

Escorial, The 68 

"Everlasting Arms, The" 62 

Fenimore Cooper 59 

"From India to Mars" 52 

Goddesses, Entrance of the 49 

Goliath of Gath 64 

Half-Lion— Half-Horse, The 43 

Harold, The Last English King 57 

Hell-Flame 38 

Hell, The Rule of 40' 

Hellish Triangle, The 38 

How to Attain the State Indicated by the Dictum: 
"Be Ye Therefore Perfect Even as Your Father 

Which is in Heaven is Perfect" 71 

Indians, Appearance of the 56 

Indian Maidens, Entrance of the 61 

Inside the Monastery 68 

Lone Indian, The 63 

Lord of Hosts, The 64 

Lotus Eaters, The 49 

"Macbeth" 52 

Madame Blavatsky 52 



Pag«. 

Magic Arrows. The 5C 

Marlowe 51 

Marshal Ney 45 

Medium 52 

Monastery, The 

Mrs. Piper 52 

Muses, The Nine 49 

Napoleon Bonaparte r I 

Xausicaa 49 

Old Guard, The 53 

Palace of Satan 42 

Pontius Pila:e 55 

Professor Flournoy 52 

Professor William James 51 

Prophecy, The Secret 34 

Pythagoras 46 

Quatre-Bras 

Quickening :: the Spirit, The 

Samuel 52 

Sardpu 51 

Satan, Countenance of » 34-36 

Saa! 52 

Samson's Secret Force 65 

Shakespeare 49 

S:s:e: :: Charity 

Sodom 53 

SocratrS -'. 

Soul-Essence 45 

Souls, Transmigration of 

Speech of the Sister of Charity 

Speech of the Indian Princess 

Spirit of the Lord. The 64 

Spirituality, Scientific Side of 6^> 

St Paul 

Tennyson 49 

The Trial by Pontius Pilate 55 

Terror, The Unnamed 

The Sentence 63 

The Two Pillars of Faith TO 

Torture, The 

True Prayer. Essence of 

Universe, The Law of the 40 

Ulysses 49 

Voltaire 

Waterloo, Cause of Loss of 55 

Wit ch of Endor '- 

L'EXYOI ~- 

Literary Reviews of Hell 

Albany, New York. "Press" T9 

Boston. Mass.. ''Globe'* 

Brockton, Mass., •'Times" 

Bridgeport, Conn., "Post'" 

Charleston. S. C. "Courier" 

Chicago "Tribune" 

Chicago "'Blade" 

Chippewa Falls, Wis.. "Independent" 

Columbia, S. C. "State" 



Page. 

Cleveland, O., "Leader" 83 

Chattanooga, Tenn., "Times" 83 

Houston, Tex., "Post" 72 

Keokuk, la., "Gate-City" 84 

Memphis, Tenn., "Scimitar" 84 

New York "Evening Telegram" 72 

New York "Herald" 82-91 

New York "Telegraph" 79 

New York "Tribune" 80 

New Orleans "States" 80 

New Orleans "Times" 85 

Nashville "Tennessean" 82 

Norfolk, Va., "Pilot" 83 

Omaha, Neb., "Bee" ,. . . 83 

Portland, Ore., "Telegram" 72 

Richmond, Va., "Leader" 73 

Richmond, Va., "Virginian" 75-87 

Richmond, Va., "Journal" 84 

Richmond, Va., "Times-Dispatch" 85 

Raleigh, N. C, "Observer" 84 

San Francisco "Chronicle" 76 

San Francisco "News" 81 

Sacramento, Cal., "Bee" 77 

Schenectady, N. Y., "Star" 84 

Sioux Falls, S. D., "Press" 84 

Wayne, Ind., "Gazette" , 79 

Washington, Pa., "Record" 80 

THE INFERNAL COMEDY 93-144 



LITERARY REVIEWS OF AUTHOR'S WORKS. 



AMERICAN REVIEWS. 

Albany, N. Y., "Times-Union" 146 

"Bang, The," N. Y 180 

Birmingham, Ala., "Age-Herald" 154 

Boston, Mass., "Advertiser" 150 

Edgar Saltus, in "Vanity Fair" 148 

"Evening Sun," N. Y 187 

Henry Brinsley in "Vanity Fair" 148 

Memphis, Tenn., "News-Scimitar" 149-153 

Portland "Oregonian" 152 

Portland "Evening Telegram" 152 

Providence, R. L, "News-Democrat" 151 

Richmond, Va., "News-Leader" 190 

Richmond "Virginian" 155 

Rochester, N. Y., "Post-Express" 153 

St. Louis, Mo., "Star" 16'2 

"Saul" (Extract from) 180-187 

Theatre Magazine, N. Y 154 

"The Hazard of the Die" (Extract from) 159-162 

"The Serpent of Old Nile" (Extract from) 163-180 

"The Tribune," N. Y 189 

Troy, N. Y. "Record" 162 

White Plains, N. Y., "Argus" ^ 151 



IV 

Page. 
BRITISH REVIEWS. 

Aberdeen "Free Press" 191 

Bridport "News" 199 

Devon and Exeter "Gazette" 200 

Dorset County "Chronicle" 198 

Enfield "Observer" 197 

Hampshire "Independent" 196 

Harrogate "Herald" 204 

Huddersfield "Weekly Examiner" 192 

John O'Groat's Journal < . . . 202 

Kent "Messenger" 203 

Monmouthshire "Evening Post" 199 

"Outlook, The," London. 191 

Pullens Kent "Argus" 203 

The London "Academy" 145 

The London "Athenaeum" ;20*2-204' 



LAW RErVIEWS. 



Lancaster Law Review 207 

Law Notes 208 

Northeastern Reporter 205 

Ohio Law Bulletin 206 

Oklahoma Law Journal 206 



ERRATA. 

12th line from bottom: "sendings" should be "sending." 
20th line from top: "form" should be "from." 
Paragraph 3. The sentence beginning "The time has come" 
should be in italics. 

6th line from top: "act" should be "fact" 
There should be quotation marks at the end of paragraph 1. 
6th line from top: "other" should be "rather." 
17th line from bottom: After the word "war" should be in- 
serted: "between the States." 
12th line from bottom: "side" should be "sides." 
13th line from bottom: "fida" should be "fide." 
14th line from top: There should be a period after the word 
"Thinker." 
P. 54. 15th line from top: Hyphen, not dash, between "lightning and 

"like." 
P. 59. 19th line from top: There should be a period after the word 

P. 61. 14th line from bottom: The word "as" should be inserted be- 
tween "were" and "much." 
P. 68. 7th line from top: "doors" should be "walls." ^ 
P 71 9th line from bottom: "of it" should be "to it." 
P. 149. 5th line from top: There should be a period at end of fifth line 

from top. ^ 

P. 158. 18th line from top: "Thought" should be Thoughts. 



P. 


14. 


P. 


15. 


p. 


34. 


p. 


40. 


P. 


41. 


p. 


47. 


p. 


50. 


p. 


■5.0. 


p. 


52. 


p. 


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